Bringing your S/O along for the ride

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    Topic
  • #84268
    Seraphina
    Participant

    Morning ladies, I hope you’re all keeping safe and happy 😃

    A few months ago I thought of myself (as much as I gave it any thought at all) as a lifetime closet CD with a bit of a lingerie fetish. In March I came out to my wife as a CD (so far so good). Rather than calming my desires this has just opened up a growing flood of dysphoric feelings. I’m now 70-80% certain I want (need?) to start hormone therapy; the question is how do I bring my wife (partner of over 20 years) along? Also have any of you experienced an increase in your gender dysphoria after ‘coming out’? I read that this is quite common….

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    • #84932
      Dawn J
      Ambassador

      AMBASSADOR

      Maxine, you are correct. My wife is accepting of my crossdressing. She is not real supportive & definitely not encouraging. We have discussed transition. She says she would leave me. Like Charissa says, my wife married a man & that’s what she wants. And even when I dress, she feels “alone & abandoned” because I am the “other woman”, stealing time with her husband. She wants me to drop her off if I’m going to take that ride.

      Dawn

       

    • #84926
      Jennifer Scott
      Participant

      FREE

      Hi, I can’t really speak to the SO issue as my wife and I were separated at the time of my coming out.  However, we are still very good friends and she is understanding and helping me along as I go.

      As for the dysphoria, I definitely feel it more as I’ve come out as transgender and started HRT.  It has gotten worse due to this pandemic and the fact that spas are closed.  I can’t get rid of the body hair fast enough.  I haven’t been able to wax or laser the hair since this started and it is growing back longer each day.  They finally opened the spas and I made an appointment to get it all cleaned up and then I had to cancel because I have to go for cancer surgery (prostate) and they will not let you thread, wax or shave any body parts due to the possibility of infection.  I was going to but the doctor said they could send me home and not do the operation until later when it needs to get done now.  I swear I am going to be the hairiest woman by the time I can actually do something about it.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #84894
      Seraphina
      Participant

      FREE

      Thanks Maxine xx

    • #84890
      Maxine Doos
      Participant

      FREE

      Hi Seraphina,

      Thanks for your post.

      To answer the second (and easier) part first: Yes, dysphoria has incerased since coming out and the more people  I come out to, the more it increases. Whether this is a natural phenomenon or due to increased confidence because the reactions so far have been less severe than anticipated, I cannot say.

      On the more complex issue of your SO I can speak from personal experience that a supportive (and even encouraging) SO when you are ONLY a CD does not automatically, nor even necessarily, evolve into a supportive SO once transition is on the table.

      Small gradual steps, include her in each, encourage her to express her opinion and monitor any changes in her support. Something that is often overlooked when it comes to SOs is that “accepting” is not the same as “supportive”.

      I wish you luck and happiness wherever your journey takes you.

      Hugs,

      Maxine

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #84814
      Seraphina
      Participant

      FREE

      Thanks Charissa x

    • #84270
      Chris Landwer
      Participant

      FREE

      I would leave articles open regarding transgender and any mail with LGBTQ in plain site for my wife to see. She would ask about these things and I would explain I am trying to find my place in the gender spectrum. She knew I was not totally a cis male. As we discussed this topic I would share my real interests little by little. I didn’t want to overwhelm her with such a major change in her life.                                                                                                                        The key in my situation was to respect my wife and give her time to accept my goals. Also, I would slowly grow into my interest at a pace she could accept. I do need to share however, my wife feels somewhat abandoned and alone. I try to comfort her and explain that I am only living as the person I truly am and that I will always be there for her. She tells me she needs a man in her life to love her as a man. We take this one day by day.                                    Good luck and try to be open and honest with her.

      Charissa

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