Calling all members with SO


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  • #130064
    Christy Bradford


    Do you ever talk to your SO about your femm self and what do you say to her and how does she react I asked this as my wife knows about Christy but she ever talks to me preferring I think to bury it hoping it’s just a phrase but it’s not so I wondered if any of you have any ideas in how I could broach the subject with out it causing a argument

    please help me I feel some days I can’t go on






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    • #130206

      Thanks all for responding to my post

    • #130175

      Hi Christy,
      Like many of us, I have know who I really am since early childhood. And like many of us, also married and had children. My late wife knew I was a crossdresser as that is how I related prior to accepting that I’m TG. I remarried five years ago and, because of fear, did not inform my new spouse of my hidden other self until recently when I announced it to her, my family members and then the world. I transitioned at work recently where I had announced being TG several months ago and was wonderfully accepted and affirmed. However, the situation with family and long term friendships has been a definite challenge. My spouse is not happy and wanted me to find my own place which I have done. When you make the decision to finally transition, and have announced it, is when you find that many friends were only just acquaintances. Many so called friends have literally ghosted me since my announcement, the silence is deafening! You also find out where you stand with your relatives and this can be hard. My sister has always know I had a definite feminine side and is totally accepting and very helpful. My son is okay with it as his wife has a brother who is non binary, so he’s somewhat familiar with the concept of alternate genders. My younger brother and my daughter are another story, they are completely against my transitioning and refuse to recognize me, see me or have anything to do with me unless I revert back to who I was. I will never return to who I was, I have gone too far now. I am accepted as a woman at work and I’m there five days a week. I will be moving in and sharing a condo with another woman who is the mother of a lady at work. She is completely fine with and accepting the fact that I am a trans woman and wasn’t even wanting to meet me as the old person. I will finally be living fulltime as a woman, after all the years of pretending to be a man.
      Christy, I hope what I’ve shared with you will provide you with some hope as you seek solutions to your situation. Please realize that it’s worth fighting for, you know who you are and you deserve to be free as the woman you truly are.

      Lauren M

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #130110
      DeeAnn Hopings

      My 2nd wife has known about everything from the beginning. There is nothing to hide.

      I tend to be very attuned when something is “off”. It could be choice of words, tone, cadence, dropped words, body language, etc. It amounts to something being inconsistent with the other bits of information. Every now and then she may be a bit sarcastic about my vanity, but that’s about it…

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #130113

        Hi Dee Anne,  a way to put all cards on the table hel p s both parties to see where they are. From there talking helps to smooth the edges. My SO, accepts  us shopping together which further cements our lives together. One day at a time.

        Best Wishes



    • #130109

      Hi Christy, yes, my SO, and I had to negotiate some medical issues, but I told her about my life from teenage years, trauma, feelings. Etc over some time we allowed changes in dressing style, purchases, trips out for coffee, and now weekend trips.

      A time thing, allowing for the dust to settle. Communication bring loving, romance.

      Hope this may Help.


      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #130082
      Dawn J

      Wow, Christy. That’s a pickle, but here’s the dill! ;-D

      I’ve told my wife that I am a woman & that I’d like to transition. She’s told me that, if I do, she would leave me. I used to deal with anxiety & depression. She thinks that it was because I had to suppress my desire. Well, I’ve been able to present more, as a woman (which she barely accepts), in the past five years, & guess what? No more anxiety or depression. She knows that I’m a happier & more mellow person, as a woman, & says she would rather see me happy & would not stand in the way of my pursuit of my happiness. However, as I’ve told her, nothing makes me happier than her. If it came to having to make a decision, I’d rather suppress, again, than be without her.

      I’ve suggested counseling to her, but she’s not interested. She doesn’t think we need it. She doesn’t like the idea of, as she puts it, someone telling her how she should feel. She just wants her man.

      So, for now, I just have to be happy with a few opportunities that I have to express my true self. That may just have to be the best I can expect for the rest of my life. Wish I could offer more help to you.

      Best of luck, Dawn

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #130067


      I am not sure if there is a “true ” safe way. I know a lot of us have been in the same place.
      I feel that if the relationship is important, then seeking marriage counseling is the best choice.
      I had 28yrs with my SO, and we have 4 children between us.
      But when I came out last summer, she said it was over. It was a deal breaker.
      We have been working to keep our friendship and that has been a very slow process.
      I also know that it can cause more harm than good to keep things bottled up.
      I hope you can find a way to balance both the relationship and the lady within.
      Best wishes,


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