- April 20, 2022 at 3:36 pm #130064Christy BradfordParticipant
Do you ever talk to your SO about your femm self and what do you say to her and how does she react I asked this as my wife knows about Christy but she ever talks to me preferring I think to bury it hoping it’s just a phrase but it’s not so I wondered if any of you have any ideas in how I could broach the subject with out it causing a argument
please help me I feel some days I can’t go on
- June 5, 2022 at 7:22 pm #131179Bobbi WaittFREE
Hi Christy ten years ago I couldn’t go on any longer and sat down and just told my wife I was a cross dresser . She never had a clue and she was mad at me because I kept it from her for at that time thirty years . After some time and the dust settled we talked and she wanted to see what I looked like and she was helpful . I started being me every night after getting home from work and my wife could see the stress just go away I was at piece . About five years ago I told her I was transgender she was alright with that but doesn’t want me to change any thing with my body . I have got both ears pierced and been going for treatment to remove my facial hair now going for two years my stomach and chest is next . When I go to any thing to do with having fun with being transgender like conferences my wife likes to go we have fun and she likes all the other girls . I could never dance dressed as a man . I love dancing now and my wife likes that . Today when I make my slow changes I always talk to my wife first its like buying a boat in time . Go slow it takes time
- June 5, 2022 at 4:37 am #131164Emily SisFREE
My wife is very adamant that she married a man. I am nearing a crossroads in my life where the life I currently have could be altered due to many other reasons aside from my transgender self.
My wife doesn’t want to talk to me about my gender. She doesn’t want to educate herself either. I have been on this journey since I was a kid and I was mostly forced into a male life by fear of doing the wrong thing. But, after some 40 years on this planet I have come to realize that I am NOT wrong. Neither are you. I hope the best for you.
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- April 26, 2022 at 2:57 pm #130206Christy BradfordFREE
Thanks all for responding to my post
- April 25, 2022 at 9:25 am #130175Lauren MugnaiaSILVER
Like many of us, I have know who I really am since early childhood. And like many of us, also married and had children. My late wife knew I was a crossdresser as that is how I related prior to accepting that I’m TG. I remarried five years ago and, because of fear, did not inform my new spouse of my hidden other self until recently when I announced it to her, my family members and then the world. I transitioned at work recently where I had announced being TG several months ago and was wonderfully accepted and affirmed. However, the situation with family and long term friendships has been a definite challenge. My spouse is not happy and wanted me to find my own place which I have done. When you make the decision to finally transition, and have announced it, is when you find that many friends were only just acquaintances. Many so called friends have literally ghosted me since my announcement, the silence is deafening! You also find out where you stand with your relatives and this can be hard. My sister has always know I had a definite feminine side and is totally accepting and very helpful. My son is okay with it as his wife has a brother who is non binary, so he’s somewhat familiar with the concept of alternate genders. My younger brother and my daughter are another story, they are completely against my transitioning and refuse to recognize me, see me or have anything to do with me unless I revert back to who I was. I will never return to who I was, I have gone too far now. I am accepted as a woman at work and I’m there five days a week. I will be moving in and sharing a condo with another woman who is the mother of a lady at work. She is completely fine with and accepting the fact that I am a trans woman and wasn’t even wanting to meet me as the old person. I will finally be living fulltime as a woman, after all the years of pretending to be a man.
Christy, I hope what I’ve shared with you will provide you with some hope as you seek solutions to your situation. Please realize that it’s worth fighting for, you know who you are and you deserve to be free as the woman you truly are.
- April 21, 2022 at 10:22 pm #130110DeeAnn HopingsAMBASSADOR
My 2nd wife has known about everything from the beginning. There is nothing to hide.
I tend to be very attuned when something is “off”. It could be choice of words, tone, cadence, dropped words, body language, etc. It amounts to something being inconsistent with the other bits of information. Every now and then she may be a bit sarcastic about my vanity, but that’s about it…
- April 22, 2022 at 1:04 am #130113Jane MansfieldFREE
Hi Dee Anne, a way to put all cards on the table hel p s both parties to see where they are. From there talking helps to smooth the edges. My SO, accepts us shopping together which further cements our lives together. One day at a time.
- June 5, 2022 at 5:55 pm #131177DeeAnn HopingsAMBASSADOR
I think the thing for all of us to understand is that there are MANY ways our partners can react to our coming out. I feel very fortunate that my wife has not had any significant reaction to how our lives have progressed over the last 7 years. On the other hand, it saddens me to hear about the difficulties that others have had. From what I can tell, there seems to be no real way to predict the outcomes. All you can do is present your truth as clearly as you can, hope for the best but plan for the worst…
- April 21, 2022 at 6:12 pm #130109Jane MansfieldFREE
Hi Christy, yes, my SO, and I had to negotiate some medical issues, but I told her about my life from teenage years, trauma, feelings. Etc over some time we allowed changes in dressing style, purchases, trips out for coffee, and now weekend trips.
A time thing, allowing for the dust to settle. Communication bring loving, romance.
Hope this may Help.
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- April 21, 2022 at 6:12 am #130082Dawn JAMBASSADOR
Wow, Christy. That’s a pickle, but here’s the dill! ;-D
I’ve told my wife that I am a woman & that I’d like to transition. She’s told me that, if I do, she would leave me. I used to deal with anxiety & depression. She thinks that it was because I had to suppress my desire. Well, I’ve been able to present more, as a woman (which she barely accepts), in the past five years, & guess what? No more anxiety or depression. She knows that I’m a happier & more mellow person, as a woman, & says she would rather see me happy & would not stand in the way of my pursuit of my happiness. However, as I’ve told her, nothing makes me happier than her. If it came to having to make a decision, I’d rather suppress, again, than be without her.
I’ve suggested counseling to her, but she’s not interested. She doesn’t think we need it. She doesn’t like the idea of, as she puts it, someone telling her how she should feel. She just wants her man.
So, for now, I just have to be happy with a few opportunities that I have to express my true self. That may just have to be the best I can expect for the rest of my life. Wish I could offer more help to you.
Best of luck, Dawn
- April 20, 2022 at 5:51 pm #130067Shiloh RoseFREE
I am not sure if there is a “true ” safe way. I know a lot of us have been in the same place.
I feel that if the relationship is important, then seeking marriage counseling is the best choice.
I had 28yrs with my SO, and we have 4 children between us.
But when I came out last summer, she said it was over. It was a deal breaker.
We have been working to keep our friendship and that has been a very slow process.
I also know that it can cause more harm than good to keep things bottled up.
I hope you can find a way to balance both the relationship and the lady within.
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