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Recently started transitioning MTF and my anxiety is up quite a bit. I feel like maybe I’m a fraud…just a male who’s wrong about being transgender. Even though I know I am. My entire childhood my parents negated my wants and preferences. I’m… was always meet with “no your not.” So, as an adult I have their voice in my head telling me I’m a fraud if I say I’m anything. I’ve published 2 novels and still don’t truly see myself as an author. So, can transition just be something you want and overwhelming enough to cause anxiety at first? Like, all this new stuff and getting rid of the old way of doing things and getting used to the new way. Stepping out of your comfort zone to never return but instead create a new…better…comfort zone? And is it normal to miss some things you’re changing for a time? I miss saying “C’mon man…” to myself when I do something stupid. I love saying “Girl!” instead…love it, love it, love it.. but I’m not used to it yet. So, I guess the anxiety is related to being outside my comfort zone and the lack of comfort making me feel…at least right now…a fraud since we use comfort as a barometer for knowing who we are. So, is any of this a normal transitioning experience?
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Hillary:
I think the anxiety comes about because you are stepping into uncharted waters. Never having transitioned before, I suspect that you are wondering how all of this is going to go. The overwhelming majority of people say that this is a good step, but you have not done this before. I would say that it would be hard NOT to have some anxiety…
Well, I recently thought about it like this: In Christianity (I’m Jewish, but that’s besides the point) but Christians use the word apocalypse to mean the end of the world. The actual definition is the uncovering of previously hidden knowledge. So, if you think about it coming to the realization that you’re transgender is an apocalypse. Think about it…an apocalypse is commonly believed to be the worst of the worst, but is actually a very good thing…knowledge, learning, growing, etc. Once I realized this…it didn’t solve all the world’s problems but it did give me pause and take the edge off being trans. It doesn’t feel as heavy anymore. It’s a good thing. Not all good things are easy. In fact, most of the best things are a ton of work.
Hillary, I’m not sure how far you are ‘in for a penny, in for a pound’ you are on your journey. At least in my life I have seen so many people get lost down in the noise, or can’t see the forest for the trees. And they get stressed over way more than necessary. My situation actually very much improved as i motored down this road. Do I still feel anxiety from time to time? I sure do. Is it only transition related? No it is not. Anxiety can pop up for anything, anywhere, and at anytime in my experience. Finding someone who can help you navigate through that, and help you see the signs along the way, will be a big help. I encourage you to seek that help out. Michelle
Hi Hillary , I see you just joined , welcome . No dear you are not a fraud , the feelings you are having is very real . I will say that Anxiety is a part of this and pretty much will always be around . There are two sides to this fence , one side yelling , your wrong the other saying its ok . Case in point , Miss Jenner , I remember one woman yelling YOUR A MAN in her face , she just smiled and let it roll off , she’s very brave and committed to being herself . You will find lots of good encouragement here to being the lady you are , she’s real and never going away . I say enjoy being her , let the positives out weight the negatives , feeling down ? , buy your self a new dress , some nice lingerie , this always makes me feel better . You will see everyone here is pretty much in the same boat and we try to help all we can . Your friend , Leslie
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