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Can it be that you’ve buried your true gender identity so deeply that you’re fighting with yourself to let it out and because of this you feel like you’re faking it, it might be a fetish (because gender euphoria feels awesome so maybe its just a kink), and you’ve ruined your life by coming out and then get massive anxiety because of this and the easiest way to solve the anxiety is to give up and go back to your old, fake persona and just deal with being unhappy because anything is better than anxiety?
Like, you enjoyed living your fake identity because you were “normal” according to society even though secretly you were unhappy and broken, but the anxiety makes the old fake life seem so much better for a short time even though you know better than to go back?
You miss being “normal” and sometimes think the sad brokenness is worth putting up with.
Anyone ever feel like that?
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