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I was awakened a couple hours ago by our police department. When you’re waking up and the police are there, you have so many racing thoughts… None of them good. Thankfully they were kind and respectful. And it turned out that they were looking for one of my adult children. (Who does still live with us.)
they had been alerted that there was talk of attempted suicide. I let them in and we took them to the room of my adult child, who readily admitted that yes, they had taken a number of pills, and was done living.
they took my child to the hospital, and here I sit, helpless. Useless.
We went to the hospital, who only acknowledged their presence because the police told them we were coming. We can’t visit, due to COVID. So we have no idea what’s happening. I found their suicide note, and a text conversation where they told someone what they had taken. I shared that with the security guard, since the nurses wouldn’t speak with me directly. but the guard took the info back to them…See, my child admitted to one medication… but not the others. So I left printed copies for the nurses and our contact information.
when I returned home, I found the empty bottles. Yes, without intervention, the combo will kill them.
so we wait. A don’t call us, we’ll call you situation.
I came out like a month ago to my kids. They took it well, I thought. They all were so supportive. The suicide note, doesn’t say a truthful why… some BS about being so happy that life won’t get better, so it’s time to leave. So it’s not helpful.
my mind keeps blaming myself. Did I do this? Was it another straw on the camel’s back? I know no one will have my answer. Only my child will, and honestly, they aren’t talking.
I needed to share this. I have my psychologist appointment this afternoon, so I’m sure we’ll spend time on that today.
thank you for reading this.
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