This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 1 week, 3 days ago.
August 7, 2018 at 8:04 am #3074
I had hoped someone could tell me more about this. I am looking at it as a surgery I want to have. Old male testicles are disgusting me. I am kind of lucky the rest has atrophied and is largely inverted and tucked all the time. As an olde woman the look of my inverted phallus is acceptable but the ornaments dangling are gross. That and they spill poison into me that hormones would have to fight.
At what point in transition is castration a possibility? Does anyone know about it for older trans women or with poor health?
it is the only surgery I consider a medical address to the dysphoria I feel about my plumbing. A full reassignment is far out of my health and wealth range. That said if a plastic surgeon could give the wife a breast reduction and give me the leftover. I would have lovely large breasts and her back would quit hurting 😘
August 8, 2018 at 7:48 am #3393Danielle FoxParticipantSILVER
Oh dear! Maria I am so glad your female self took over and said No! It is sometimes helpful when our partners or SOs see the difference between the male and female within us. Of course this does require coming out to some extent. My wife has seen the difference within me and confirmation from her counselor has opened the door for a deeper conversation between us. Life takes some strange turns on this road we are on and adaptation and perseverance are key to happiness is my personal opinion. You are a wonderful person Maria and I am so glad you are now talking with your better half. Now I think I understand what that saying actually means…..our wives have been considered our better halves which is female…..so if we become female and our wives stay with us….then who is the better half? Hmmmm, something to ponder, lol! That shall be my next question to post.
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August 8, 2018 at 9:36 am #3415Anonymous
Oh Danielle, it has been an insane life. I should have been a woman from birth is how I feel. But the times I am from said “ make the best of what God gave you”. So I did I gave it my all and then I gave it more than my all and it destroyed me utterly. I may have mentioned a drive I took with no intention of returning. But I had died long before and the shell/corpse was rotting on my bones. My health and strength would no longer breathe life into it and it’s slow death was bringing my whole home down. I was hurting them all, the ones I nurture the ones I love . So when Maria said NO I embraced her this time instead of suppressing her and trying to live a lie. Now, now I want to live so much it makes me weak in the knees. I want to let the me inside live out this life free of “him” forever. I want to feel pretty even though the whole passing game is for young girls I want breasts and I wish to no longer look at these foul ornaments hanging below my “clitoris” . I want to be smooth and not hairydress in long skirts and blouses like the hippie girl I am. I want to go to music festivals and dance with my beloved as my dress swirls around my legs. In a word I now want to live. Truly live a whole life. Oh dear here I go again. I am in tears writing this and the joy of openly sharing this with you….my love, I wish I could share how I feel right now with every girl who felt like me on my drive. Or like in so many stories of being alone with a burden that is crushing you. I am out, i am now free and my love is part of it now.
Last night was easier than I thought which speaks to the human I sat across from. It is confirmation of love transcending and I do not mean my transition I mean she transcended my toxic self hate and held on to living Maria even though they had not met except in disguise.
So now the protective pink fog I am in is lifting and the practical aspects of “being Maria” begin. Therapy, endocrinology and evaluation for just how much reassignment my health will allow and the process of insurance approval for some work to help my self images align, hormones ? Oh god yes please! Breast enhancement some minor facial work to soften me up just a tad and the one I want most , an orchiectomy( thank you Chloe my love). Vaginoplasty is not on my radar now but who knows that will likely be my partners choice. If she decides she wants a full boat down there or if the intersex look is not attractive to her I would broach it with a physician but my health I am sure would shoot it down. So there it is all puked into post. One day I will order my thoughts and write down my sick sad little story. Until then my deep love to my new community and ever beautiful soul in it. If you hurt share it. If you need an ear I am hear. Not new to the issue but sooo new to exploring it with acceptance and love in a community. Couple this with being a sixties and seventies kind of girl and some of you may have an idea of the repression our generation is capable of. So I am an odd mix of experience and repression. But mostly what I hope to bring here is my living support, to learn from girls who have gone before and to learn how to be more active in transgender rights and acceptance. Like I said a whole new and better life. Joining here in a new community of lovely people who accept me and will maybe even love me is part of my embrace of love born when Maria took the wheel quite literally.
Thank you so much for listening, I know I may sound quite manic right now. But that is just happiness and joy at looking inside and loving the person there
enough me stuff for now,am gonna do my face routine and shower. My honey made me a hair appointment and I am going to talk about cosmetic school with the dear who has our classy nail salon. I want to learn nails and age appropriate and transgender makeup soooo badly and it may be a way to let Maria live safe and happy in this red little town on the Oregon coasttThank you so much for you caring words and thoughts darling lady and Abigail wet💋 from little me
August 9, 2018 at 5:51 am #3680TaraParticipantSILVER
Wow! Maria! Thank you for being so open, encouraging, and inspiring!
I have an older “friend” (I don’t want to give more details than that in case she doesn’t want to be outed here)… her coming out actually inspired me to be my true self… anyway, she is going through chemical castration. I don’t know all the details, but it sounds like you are about the same age and she is pretty happy with the results so far. Her ultimate goal is to get a “zero depth vaginoplasty.” I don’t know if that’s because it’s cheaper or easier. But it might be an option you would want to look into.
Anyway, your story and your words are so inspiring to me. I’ve suppressed my true self for the better part of 35 years- mostly due to a long, toxic relationship I was trapped in and partly due to screwed up religious upbringing. I wish I had gone through with my plans to transition 20 years ago. I was a coward then. I’m done being a coward now. And that’s largely due to brave women like yourself whose stories need to be told.
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August 9, 2018 at 7:28 am #3721Anonymous
I have been researching and a zero depth vaginoplasty would be nice. However talking with my partner and she may be fine with the orchiectomy a full vagina. Well strait up? She likes my cltoris as it is
part of this process for us is to give each other what we want while I unmask becoming Maria. And indeed most of my gender disphoria is about the inner self not to say looking down to see gender conforming plumbing gives me chills , I can be VERY happy with a hormonally inverted phallus and removal of the testes. Even now it is very vagina like but still has something for her to get a handle on 😘. As our lives are twined. That makes me happy too. I think I have more issues with facial issues but am on a fixed income right now, we just talked about me learning nails and makeup or becoming an Aesthetician and transitioning back to work. That would let me have more options there. An orchie is around seven grand. To make this face gender conforming would be much more. I have seen miracles with makeup 💄💜 and depending on a therapists thoughts and money I think I could be a mildly attractive older woman when I get my look and makeup in line. Maybe dreaming as surgery and I are old friends. I would be going in knowing everything about pain and anesthesia and complications so am doing diligence on everything Ivan do now then evaluate what is necessary to give me peace at my appearance inside, where it is most important.
This is our journey , my partner (who I love) and I married for life so this process is hers too. For the forbearance of thirty yrs with the wrong persona. For the fact I am sixty. My dreams of being an attractive full figured woman are tempered by reality and that if the top is pretty the bottom is just for she and I to express or desire for each other.
yeah a therapist is gonna have aheyday with this girl honey ! I had to get over yrs of being a “prison bitch” for an evil man and a childhood that would read as if written for sensationalism and outrageousness. Having a man put a gun in your chest after he has made you fight your brother then pull the trigger three times (blanks) and laugh maniacally as I hit the floor. Then that night come in and sodomize me for twenty minutes. I have baggage to unload. I am a woman who will NEVER want penetration. So yeah, a scene from a hell I was in and a piece of the puzzle that makes me what and who I am now. Wanting to be a woman but hating men and penetration made for a deep conflict over how Maria could be. It is being answered as my marriage is morphing into a gender fluid/ neutral thing I pray keeps making her happy as it becomes more lesbianoid and I transition to full time
thanks for letting me run on again and big hugs from little me 💋💜 Maria
August 8, 2018 at 6:27 am #3390Anonymous
Haha the blue pill has not worked for me for years! Supplemental T is very bad for male hearts and mine has taken too much emotional and physical damage over my life honey. Chloe it has been so long since I have had penetrative sex that I now have non penile orgasm from oral sex and prefer it immensely I have issues with penetrative sex a therapist is going to love. Although I cannot say I did not enjoy the male role at times it was always more theater until the relationship I have now With her the plumbing seems less important than the sentiment
on that note last night we spoke and I told her I was bipolar because the man in me was trying to kill me. We talked about my embracing my femininity we talked about doing my nails and getting my hair done. About me maybe studying cosmetology in case Social security goes away
we talked about how I have grown from thinking my plumbing was a ridiculous bit of flesh to how I love that my phallus has inverted and how I hate how my scrotum and testes look and feel. We talked more openly and with more love than in many moons.
I told her that over some time I wanted to explore my femininity and the feeling I must embrace the “she” or die. Hell she saw it happening and now she understand why. From here baby steps, a therapist for us both, me not letting the pink fog I am in rush things. It was a big night and I am up before dawn thinking about how lucky I am and the better future ahead for the first time in a very long time.
Chloe dear one just two months ago I was in the car driving to a cliff on the coast. I was fully intending to drive off into the sea. That was when my better angel said NO. And from that point on I have been embracing her, she is saving my life. Oh dear god I am going on and on. It is early I have had little sleep I am so relieved now that I am out but now it all gets very real and it is sobering and thrilling me.
Chloe you are an angel and thank you for answering my silly questions and putting up with my chattyness. Love you
August 7, 2018 at 7:16 pm #3227Cloe (CC) WebbManaging AmbassadorMANAGING AMBASSADOR
I’ll address this on a broader scale for all readers.
The procedure is called orchiectomy, orchi for short. As well as the physical change It does mean the end of production of the vast majority of testosterone. The body still can produce some in the adrenal glands, but more on the level of what GG’s produce, This is actually more healthy than zero T, not to mention providing for labido.
Some people opt to do orchi surgery prior to GCS, SRS or whatever name you want for bottom surgery. One caution is that in bottom surgery the sack skin is typically used to form some of the features of the constructed female anatomy. The absence of testicles can lead to atrophy of this skin and make it harder to get the desired look without grafting.
You really should talk to your physician and surgeon about this. Do your homework and good luck, we’re all here for you.
August 7, 2018 at 8:05 pm #3235Anonymous
I am more interested in hormonal benefit and self image more than pursuit of full reassignment. Having heart issues testosterone is literally toxic. A reason for spriro. My genital image dysphoria is mild and I am happy with an intersex sort of look.
As you say I shal be entering counseling very soon and will get this sorted. But just wanted what you gave sweetheart words first hand. Thank you so much. For now I envision the atrophied scrotum and inverted phallus as more than I ever dreamed might be even possible. Plus the orchiectomy retains libido I just read. Thank you so much!
August 8, 2018 at 2:53 am #3375Cloe (CC) WebbManaging AmbassadorMANAGING AMBASSADOR
The labido retention is based on what else your body produces. But even if it doesn’t produce enough there are testosterone supplements that can be prescribed and there is the blue pill.
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