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So it has been a while since I have been here. I still have really bad days, however, I have been doing things to push myself more and more I have been able to go to the store as myself and stay shopping for almost an hour. I get a few looks here and there but I just tell myself they are jealous, well except this one lady I think she was staring at me because I did not see here and I was having a bit of a rant about leopard print and how I hated it on me (she was in full leopard print even her earrings but hey I didn’t see her and I said when I tried on leopard print I looked like some strange cavewoman with liver problems, not that she did)
I still have problems feeling like I fit in anywhere with any group even here. I let it get in my head that if I am not very careful about how I act or what I say I will be told to get lost. Yes I know that is one of my many many problems and it is all on me going back to childhood. I am still trying to find a therapist and had very little luck two recommendations I received were way outside of my price range even with their sliding scale. I did go try and see one that turned out to be a real Helen, which was extremely disconcerting, and made me feel even worse about myself.
I tried going to a bar just to be around other people like me, we ended up sitting in the parking lot and I never worked up the courage to go in. But hey I have my coffee and I made chicken fried steak for dinner tonight so I guess everything is not bad, just still feeling lost
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