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I came out to myself – which is to say that I accepted that I am not the man I’ve been trying to live as all my life but that I am Abby, a wonderful woman – on Sept 27. I came out to my wife Sept 30 and over the next few days to my daughters, sisters and a a couple of close friends. And some doctors. And a couple of the girls at LensCrafters since I was buying lovely very feminine pink frames.Β I had told my wife that I would not come out to “the world” until she was ready. And I have quite willingly honored that.Β She said that we need to wait 6 months and revisit it and meantime I should get a counselor to work through some of the issues in transitioning which I gladly did and I LOVE β€οΈ my counselor. That was three months ago.
Yesterday was a wonderful Christmas from her. She gave me gift cards for JC Penny and Walmart and said that it is because she knows I like to buy my women’s clothes there. Wow! She also got me some panties – the very ones I like. And there was a flower print pair and a pink with polka dots pair among them. I have been discovering how very girlie I am and I love my girlie clothes. I have several pairs of socks that have the ruffle lace trim at the top. I’ve got a pair on for my profile pic.
Anyway, she used my name, Abby on a couple of my gifts and AWS – Abby Willow Scott – on another. I could have cried tears of joy. (But “real men don’t cry” is so ingrained into me that I haven’t figured out how to let that happen yet). So really, a great Christmas.
Couldn’t get any better. Wrong. Last night we were talking and I told her I didn’t have the words to express how touching the things she had done for Abby all day were, especially just using my name on my gifts instead of my birth name – how much it meant to me.
She said she knew I’d been struggling. And then she said – and this is just one of the many reasons I love this woman – that she felt it was time for me to come out all the way. My spirit soared! My heart sang! I was filled with happiness! I wanted to run out the door right away and shout to the world, “I AM ABBY!” But it was late and I was in my reindeer nightie and it was all kind of impractical! Can you believe this woman? Three months ahead of schedule. On Christmas. With a heart full of love.
There are logistics involved. Who do I tell first? Family, close friends. How in God’s name do I tell my folks? π¬Who do I tell personally either by phone, in person, email, etc. There are so many I know that I can’t tell everyone that way. I’ve decided to tell them via FB. The post will probably take a couple of days to write. I want it to be just so. If I’m going to put it out there I might as well put it out there but also do it well. I don’t know how long it will take. First things first though. Those closest to me. My parents. π¬ Β And so on.
Now here’s something. I am excited about this prospect. And I am also so scared. Fear of the unknown perhaps. I don’t know how people will react. I am afraid I will lose people I don’t want to. I realize it’s entirely possible. I have to remind myself – as I often do in any number of situations – such is life. In any case, wish me luck. I’ll keep you posted.Love y’all,
from your girly girl Abby!
ππππ₯°π€πββοΈBTW – still in my reindeer nightie. Being a lazy girl today!
πHi Abby,
Such a wonderful introduction for us to meet Abby.
Thank You for that.
Soo-ooΒ here is my usual reply for our newbie members.
Welcome to our Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.Glad you are here,
Terri Anne, Ambassador======= Here is a link to the MtoF Chat room: ========
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https://transgenderheaven.com/terms-of-service/Abby:
Youβve hit upon some very important elements. Coming out to ourselves is the single most significant thing that we can do. It all starts with us. If we canβt accept ourselves and get comfortable with ourselves, no one else will. That is the simple truth of it.
Coming out is an odd thing. Straight people donβt have to do it and therefore most have no idea what it entails. At the root, it is telling your personal story: how you feel currently, how you felt in the past, what you now understand about your history, how you want your life to evolve going forward, etc. It is also to be thoughtful about how we present this information to others. What you tell others needs to be presented in a way that they can hear it. The is why avoiding being outed is a big deal. When people are forced into a reactionary mode, it is VERY difficult to say what you need to say. Thatβs why coming out on your own schedule and on your own terms makes such a difference.
So, it helps to give some thought to what you want to say and how you will go about it. As you have already talked to some who are closest to you, that may provide some insights as to how to proceed. The message may need to be changed a bit depending upon who you are talking to. It might help to write things down in order to crystallize your thoughts. But, reading from a script tends to be a bit impersonal.
Over time, folks have come out in many different way: speaking to someone directly, over the phone, E-mail/text, social media and perhaps there are some that I havenβt heard about yet.
I donβt know if there is a right or wrong way. It probably comes down to how you feel you can get your message across and our preferences can vary. Leading up to my coming out, I told my daughter and son (both grown and living in other states from me), 7-8 close friends and my department manager at the time. I had separate conversations with my kids over the phone. I didnβt have much choice as they lived long distances from me. The rest were told separately and in person. All things being equal, in person is my preference. For me, I think it comes down to not wanting to do something in an impersonal way and I want to be able to hear what is said and also be aware of the non-verbal communication. Reason being that our physical gestures sometimes belie what we say. Anyway, foremost is doing this in a way that you can say what you need to in away that is in keeping with your preferences and sensibilities.
To close, I am reminded of something that Rachel Maddox said:
βThe single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what youβve just told them.β
What a great story Abby, and that feeling is so wonderful to finally be out, and accepted! To suggest a response to one of your questions, here are my thoughts. Once you start telling people and get that lovely acceptance…you just want to tell the whole world!
Some caution though, perhaps hold back a little and interact with the people you have already told. Being an out women is very new to you and you may need to learn to walk before you try and run. You will grow quickly but you can only out yourself once to a person…be sure you are in control of what you do and say to ensure you do it right.
Some it may be an idea not to tell…let it filter through to them, there are people who need others to accept you first before they can.
Just my thoughts of course Abby…but i’m so pleased for you, I remember that feeling!
Alex x
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