Confused and questioning

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #99646
    Melody Danvers
    Participant

    Hi all! I don’t know where to begin. I’m so confused and questioning my gender identity right now. I’m in my 40’s, married to my wife 20+ years with two teens at home. I’m out of work and going back to school for a new career I don’t know if I want. I’ve been struggling with my gender identity for a while now and just two nights ago opened up to my wife. It felt freeing. And now I’m experimenting with things and going a bit too fast for my wife to process. I’m feeling confused about who I am and who I want to be and I’m questioning if I want to truly be female or not or if this is just an identity crisis or a mid-life crisis or something. Help.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
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    Replies
    • #99697
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Melody:

      For my unprofessional opinion, I think sometimes it comes to us that our time here is finite. Realizing that, are we the person that we should be? If not, what needs to change? Mid-life crisis is often about recapturing our youth and it doesn’t seem that this is your thought process.

      Anyway, many here have found that seeing a therapist, who is experienced in gender identity issues, to be very helpful. It isn’t uncommon that we try to avoid thinking about things that have the potential for upsetting our current lives. The brain tends to be about reducing stress, minimizing change and trying to keep us safe. Clearly reconsidering our gender identity raises the possibility of life altering actions. It should come as no surprise that it is difficult for us to think about these things, in a useful way, on our own. A therapist won’t solve it for you, but they will keep you focused on what you need to think about.

      Thanks for being very thorough with your Profile page. It’s an important document as it sort puts a stake in the ground as to where things sit. Also, the page can be updated at any time when something changes. Regular posts are locked shortly after they are submitted.

      As you read various threads and communicate with other members, you will find that there are many who have been where you are now or in the midst of similar situations. What that does is highlight the fact that you are not alone in dealing with these issues.

    • #99659

      Hi Melody…

      Wecome to TGH… its a pleasure to meet you.

      Message me anytime if you want to talk…

      Love,

      Gen ❤

       

    • #99651
      Michelle Larsen
      AMBASSADOR

      Melody, I haven’t checked to see what is listed in the Places -> Local Places we have on our site that would be close to you, but please feel free to let me know of any transgender friendly or supportive places that you come across. I can add them for others to enjoy as well. Michelle

    • #99649

      Hi all! I don’t know where to begin. I’m so confused and questioning my gender identity right now. I’m in my 40’s, married to my wife 20+ years with two teens at home. I’m out of work and going back to school for a new career I don’t know if I want. I’ve been struggling with my gender identity for a while now and just two nights ago opened up to my wife. It felt freeing. And now I’m experimenting with things and going a bit too fast for my wife to process. I’m feeling confused about who I am and who I want to be and I’m questioning if I want to truly be female or not or if this is just an identity crisis or a mid-life crisis or something. Help.

      Honey you have soo much support here at transgenderheaven! There is soo much unconditional love ❤️ here! My heart is going out to you!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #99647
      Michelle Larsen
      AMBASSADOR

      Melody, welcome to our neck of the world. I do hope you are getting situated and seeing all there is here. Please let me know if you have any questions. Either I, or someone else, will make sure we reply back. I do so hope you will join us in the Chatroom. I enjoy chatting there a lot. If you look in Social -> Member Directory, you can search for other people that may be near by. Or under Places -> Local Places, you can search for all sorts of things that may be near you. Hope to see you chatting soon. Oh, and don’t forget about digging through the Articles and Forums. Loads of information there.

      That said, so you have been under some stress being out of work, going back to school, etc. And going too fast for your wife to catch up and stay by your side, may not help matters either. So, maybe a pause, with a deep breath, and start learning yet another thing, and then make a plan on how to move in the direction you need to, at a measured pace that all of you can keep in step with.

      Hugs, Michelle

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #99648

        Michelle, thank you for the advice. I think I am moving a bit too fast. I have been in contact with the local pride center near me who offers counseling. They are in the process of trying to set me up with a counselor. I’m trying to slow down but I’m also getting excited about finding out parts about me I never knew before and am liking it.

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