Crossdresser or Transgender


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    • #132545

      Hello everyone, I am new in this site and I have some questions that I would like someone to help me answer.


      I have been a closet crossdresser for a long time but for a few days I have thought that I would love to change my gender. I would like to know if I should take that step from crossdresser to transgender

    • #132546

      Welcome , you know cross dressing is very different than being Transgender , a short lived fantasy of a few days is not the same thing – being true transgender  is a deep hard core of ” SELF ” not a weekend warrior fetish and back to a suite and tie Monday morning to go to work – my sense was very young at 5 years old , unless you’ve felt this deeply all along through out the years like literally wanting girl equipment etc. everyday and waking up every morning knowing it’s the wrong body and social way of being – I guess the point is satisfying a strong fetish to self stimulate your self to satisfaction  is not the same as feeling and being like in my case female all the time 24/7 .

    • #132554
      Lauren Mugnaia

      Welcome Travis,

      As Krystal says, and I can assure you from my own experience, being a crossdresser and being transgender are entirely separate. You don’t just decide to “do it”, you either are or you aren’t. I’ve always known, from the age of four years old, that I was supposed to be a girl and grew up with that knowledge always in my thoughts.

      I used to crossdress, not for any sexual gratification, but because those were the clothes I was supposed to wear. I have now transitioned and live as, and am legally, a woman. There are lots of our stories here on the TGH forum that you can read and get a much better feeling of what being a trans woman is all about.

      I wish you well as you explore this part of your humanity.


      Ms. Lauren M

    • #132555

      Well I think maybe some are like kittens in a yarn ball and don’t unravel the truth of their life and transgender till later in life. Maybe some just don’t have all the facts.

      I know that so have faced trauma during their youth and the young lady was put away. And they have struggled for many years to overcome that.

      I had a couple times as a young person that it happened to me. And hell that came down on myself and the young lady within ..I still don’t struggle to speak about…

      But from as far back as I can remember, I can see and feel her…she has always been a part of everything…more so..she was everything…. waiting for a way to break free from the shell she was in.

      This is just my thoughts and opinions.

      Shiloh Rose 🌹

    • #132562
      DeeAnn Hopings


      As has been stated, MANY trans people know from very early ages that there is something different about them that is related to gender. Similar to gay people, they knew that what they felt was counter to the expectations of family, friends, teachers, etc.

      Transitioning, or not, is a very difficult thing to sort out by yourself. I suspect that because transitioning effects so many facets of ones life and can bring about MAJOR changes in ones life, conscious thought about it is hard to do. Our minds want to avoid stressful activities and so we don’t think about what we need to think about.

      This is why many members have found positive benefits from working with a therapist. However, it shouldn’t be just any therapist. It needs to be someone with experience in gender issues. Not every therapist has this background.

      Now, it does turn out that some crossdressers do turn out to actually be transgender. Anecdotally, it doesn’t seem to be a large percentage. It is difficult for researchers to get funding for studying transgender issues, so many questions remain unanswered or partially so.

      Anyway, there is no rush to sort this all out. Haste is not your friend here. If, in fact, major changes to your life are warranted, you need to be really comfortable with what will happen. The middle of transition is not the time to be figuring stuff out. For the most part, that should have happened before.

    • #132575

      Hi Travis!

      The answer you seek is deep within. Rub the lamp! I hope you embrace whatever you find.

      Barb 🧞

      • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Barb.
    • #132582
      Dana Munson

      Travis, I agree with many of the other ladies in this thread. You don’t just wake up one day and say “Oh, I think I’ll become a woman.”  Like some here, I was an off-and-on crossdresser in my early years. I knew I was super attracted to things feminine, and I knew (this was in the 1960s and ’70s) that there was a theoretical pathway to womanhood. But it was just not a socially accepted life path at that time. (Not that crossdressing was exactly  celebrated, but getting caught with a pair of your mom’s or sister’s panties invited nowhere near the trauma that would result from telling your parents they had a daughter, not a son.) So I spent many years denying the woman in me, telling myself I could be “normal,” or failing that, just be an occasional crossdresser.  But as the years went by, the crossdressing didn’t help – in fact, it made the longing worse. But by the time I could face what I truly was, I was married and had kids – vows and commitments I absolutely would not upset or dishonor.  But now, years later, with the kids grown and gone, and with my wife in late stages of dementia, the woman in me will no longer be denied.  I am on my way at last!  My point in telling you all this, Travis, is that transitioning from a male to a female role is not easy, not cheap, and definitely not something to do just because you think you might like it. It’s something you do because something in you is screaming that you NEED this.  So if you are in a genuine “am I or aren’t I” mode, find a gender therapist and work through this with him/her. You may find that you are fine just as you are. Or maybe there really is a woman within you.

      • #132593

        Dana, this is brilliant!

        You sure know how to use a nail gun. Only a few years separate our near-identical lives. It does seem like a holding pattern, doesn’t it? Sometimes I think I’m going to CRACK for keeping it together for all these years. And I agree the crossdressing doesn’t help, it just makes it worse.

        Funny… I just told a very dear friend today that I’m happy being transfeminine and not necessarily transgender. I may be wrong about that. I too should probably talk with someone.

        Would it be weird to say this is joyfully painful??

        Hugs, Barb

        • #133431
          Dana Munson

          Barb, thank you for the kind words!  If I “nailed” it, it must have been a moment of fleeting inspiration. 🙂  Sometimes you just have strike while the iron is hot, as they say. (I’d really like to meet “they” some day – “they” seem to have so many brilliant sayings attributed to them.)

          Looking back, I sometimes wish I had had the courage to pursue my feminine dream way back in my younger days, damn the consequences. But then I think of what those “consequences” might have been in those less accepting times, and I realize that my life, as it has been, has had a number of rewards along the way which help salve the internal anguish. And had I gone a different way, there’d be 2 great kids who would not have been born. So I try to be content with the fact that I can transition now, whilst I still a few years (knock on wood) to let “her” have her way. (And it IS “her” now, because today I got a court decree changing my name AND making me legally “female.”  Wheeeeeee!!!!!

          In closing, I’ll confess I could use some education on what distinguishes “trans-feminine” from “transvestite” or “transgender”? Is it something to do with how you dress?  Or is it “guy who knows he’s a guy, but just likes feminine things”?  So labels floating around out there, and sometimes the lines between them seem (to me) to blurr.

          • #133457
            Lauren Mugnaia

            Welcome to the legal girl sisterhood Dana! 🙂 I got my legal ‘F’ two months ago

            Big hugs,

            Ms. Lauren M

          • #133462
            Dana Munson

            Thank you, Lauren! And congrats to you, too!  Isn’t it a hoot – after years in school fighting hard (and succeeding) to never get an “F,” I finally got one that I actually wanted!!! 🙂

          • #133460

            Hi Dana!

            Congrats on the name change!

            “Transfeminine” is a term coined by Jane Nance in 1985 to best describe her feminine feelings as an AMAB. She felt much more than just a transvestite (crossdresser), but didn’t feel the need to surgically transition into a transsexual (transwoman) in order to feel feminine and female.

            For some, surgery is the only option to calm their gender dysphoria. For transfems, social and sometimes medical transitioning is enough to experience our true female selves.

            My transfeminine identity is a compromise that my wife is willing to accept. In fact, after a while, she realized that Barb is perfectly harmless and isn’t all that different than That Guy she married! My vibrant and maternal personality is still intact and gets even more intense when I’m Barb.

            Thankfully, I’m part of a loving and accepting trans/lgbtqa+ community here at home. I also have tremendous friends in the U.S. too, so I stay as Barb more often than not. I keep my hair long, wear mascara and lipstick every day and have HRT enhanced boobs that would get me arrested if I walked topless on a pubic beach.

            Someone smarter than me said that being transgender isn’t a choice, but what we do with it is. So very true!

            Here’s where it all started. It starts on page 31.


            BIG HUG!!

            Barb :)



          • #133461
            Dana Munson

            Aha! Thanks for cluing me in. I initially thought I was not dysphoric enough to really “need” the bottom surgery. Now, as I have ruminated more on the matter, I have come to feel that I will not feel “complete” if I do not go the distance. Or, as a present saying goes, I think I “didn’t come this far only to come this far.”

    • #132585

      Hello Travis,

      Welcome to our TransgGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
      The Warmth, Compassion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      Glad you are here,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

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      =========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================

      • #132697

        i am 60 years old and I grew up at a time where gay, drag, crossdressing wasn’t socially acceptable and you could get beat up in school for any of it. I always knew I was different and I just didn’t fit in with the guys and I felt more comfortable with the girls. I tried to be masculine and I even lifted weights to bulk up but my body wasn’t built like that. I come from a large Catholic conservative family and they were not supporters of gay lifestyles as most families were not. Now I’m married and have a child and they have no idea I am a closet crossdresser, I know my wife would leave me in a heartbeat if she ever found out. If things were different, if I had a more liberal family, maybe if I had not married, if I was younger and it had been more socially accessible, I think I would have gone transgender and had the surgeries to make the transition, I think I would have been very happy other than the social roadblocks and obstacles along the way. I will always support and applaud anyone who chooses to do so, it takes a lot of courage.

    • #132614
      Dee Astra



      Frankly speaking cross dressing does not equate to being transgender (in spite of what gender criticals and media may tell you).

      The realities of being transgender are pretty horrific to be honest, particularly in the current cultural & political climates.

      This isn’t something you undertake on a whim.

      I’m not meaning to sound harsh, but even posing the question indicates that you very likely need to step back and look hard at the realities.

      Transitioning typically isn’t a choice, it’s the only remaining survival option, with the full understanding and cold hard clarity of the devastation this will rain down on you, your family, friends  and career.

    • #132690

      My take on this is cross dressing is a way of expression, wearing clothes to suite a way of life, I am a trans-female (male to female) my entire life has changed with that. Right now I dont really wear women’s clothes because I don’t have that confidence yet and I still just like wearing what I normally do. For crossdressing it is a totally different lifestyle altogether. You can be a crossdressing male or female and have no interest in being transgender and there is nothing wrong with that but with being transgender that is a life altering choice for either gender which takes a long time and dedication. Now you can be transgender by name although that is not really being transgender. I would say be comfortable being who you are and walk the path you want to in life that makes you …you.

    • #132770

      I spent the first five decades of my life trying to convince myself that I was “just a cross dresser” and could limit myself to stockings and panties, and think of this as simply a kink. I knew from a very early age that I was somehow noticeably different in my behavior from my male siblings. I learned to hide it. I knew that from early childhood on I had an attraction towards all things feminine (and a great fear that others would notice).

      I managed to deceive myself tor a long long time that it was just an attraction to the clothes. Deep inside, I always wanted more, but I felt my body was too tall and masculine and, even more than that, I feared that if I ever gave into the temptation to dress fully as a woman, I would be drawn inexorably towards transition.

      In some respects, my fears have been realized. I did finally did give into that temptation and allowed myself to try dressing completely. I liked the experience and sure enough, I wanted much more. Within a few weeks, I had my own makeup, breast forms, a new wig and the beginnings of my own wardrobe. And within a few weeks more, I was venturing out into the real world…as a woman.

      By this time, I stopped thinking of myself as a cross dresser, and began to embrace the idea that I was transgender. Looking back on this life, I have come to recognize that cross dressing is something a few people do, and some of those people dress for fun or sexual pleasure. And some people like me, cross dress because it makes their outsides match more completely to their insides.

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