Dad coming to terms about me

[Allison Mich]

I have my dad in my life still whom is supportive.I see he is having a hard time still with me transitioning at times.Started my transition in January and I know he still loves me.He has raised me on his own most of my life.Although I live as Allison since March now,he has his times seeing a tough loss in his life of a son that has lived an unhappy life.We have talked about it a few times and remind he is getting a much happier daughter.Talked to my therapist today and said give it time.Said she is willing to talk to him about it with me present too.I did talk to my dad about doing this and found out he is for this.He has a tough time opening up coming to terms about it.

[Mia Story]

parents can be surprising. at 4 my mom threatened my existence if i did not closet myself. at 12 my dad officially gave up trying to teach me baseball. ha! then in highschool i went out for football. go figure. then there was the panic of the drug years and my horrific first marriage. all that time my parents knew that i was not like other kids and was not “doing well” in school. about the only good thing about school was music. when i got out on my own i think my parents had an existential crisis about the real me. my dad tried to revive my friendship with my gay cousin. i could see the hope in his eyes that maybe that was the answer; i was gay? my mom bought me unisex clothing. all this was way too late and not enough. i truly was in the closet with concrete reinforcement! to their dismay i just brushed off all this.

not that my real me wasn’t knocking at my own door. i married a lesbian, enjoyed Victor Victoria and Rocky Horror Picture Show and was open but oh so closed to any real contact. my marriage did not last long, which should have told me something! my parents were flumoxed to the end. they just did not understand any of it. and i wasn’t helping. in fact i did not even know myself though i smugly thought i did.

i now know i went into that closet because i loved my mom deeply. i was grateful for my stable family life and deeply appreciated everything my dad did for me.

today i’m rather glad my parents are in their new heaven. they never knew i was transgender; only i was different. pretty much everyone thought i had gay tendencies. i still can’t see that in myself. and i know i’m not gay. i’m transgender! not transsexual. actually truly transgender. the one thing i have learned about being a parent is you can never truly shun your child. somewhere inside that love will survive forever. i would love to shun my children and forget them; the irritating hippie larvae! they are off on their life’s work using the tools i gave them and i am so proud of them. even the one who hates me. so, be nice to your parents if you can. you will see them later! and it will all make sense. maybe.

[Anonymous]

Hi Allison ,

At first it was hard for my Dad to come to terms with me being a transexual . It was hard seeing one of his sons becoming a girl but over time he did come around and excepted me for who I am . A beautiful Woman . My greatest memory of him is when he saw me with my hair done up ( always had looong hair ) , makeup , nails , clothes and even shoes .

It was a beautiful day weather wise , sun was shining wind nice and calm making it the perfect hair day !  I was nervous as hell !!! Never had so may butterflies inside me before swarming around like a circus under the big top . That morning time sure seemed to stand still for me almost like Christmas morning and those gifts are waiting to be ripped opened , but you can’t . Everyone is still in bed sleeping ! However though the smell of frying bacon is very effective on getting family members to wake up !

A friend came with me , she said if things go south you will need support and someone to make sure you get home safe . I glad she came with me because it sure put me at easy . When we arrived at my Dad’s place and I walk in , he was sitting in the living room ….Hi Dad I’m here and Kimmy came with me …where’s the beer ?

When he saw me he stood up looking me saying …You are a spitting image of your sister Barb ..I’m proud of you and gave me the biggest hug I have gotten ! This was the first time I have ever heard my Dad say that to me . We talk for hours on stuff I never thought we would talk about . He never understood it fully , but he did support he unconditionally . It took him a while to get comfortable but once he realized I was the same person on the inside it was easier for him to come to terms . He encouraged me to be who I’m . He passed away 9 years ago and I really miss him …I could use one of those hugs right now .

 

Communication is the key here and the therapist can really aid in this , building a stronger relationship with you Dad . This can’t be rushed , time is needed .

 

Alexis

[Author]

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