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Hi everyone. I’m fairly new here. I joined a couple of days ago and I can already see the support flourishing here. I absolutely love it. I am not sure this is the right place for this topic but an administrator here, CC, suggested I post it here. So here it goes.
Like my Dad told me last night, it pains me, really pains me to say this but my mother of 65 years old from 1955 – 2020 died last night. My mom was really suffering, so in a way, I’m kinda glad she finally passed. But it is tremendously painful to realize this and accept it. I cannot accept this at this time, but I know I have to put my selfishness behind and see that she is gone. My Dad is seeking out grief counseling for me and I thank him for that. He is even willing to pay for all the costs for her funeral even though they divorced years ago. Even typing this is so painful. I just want to shrivel up, die, and go wherever my mom goes. I feel like I can’t really go on. My mom didn’t love herself. It was only a matter of time before here drinking and smoking and self hatred caught up with her. I miss my mom. What do I do now? I wish I could have been able to come out to her before she passed. I never did. But my dad told her about it, kinda behind my back some years ago, and she said, “Out little girl is confused.” She probably wouldn’t have understood either. But regardless I love my mom with all of my heart and I know she loved me too. The last thing she told me was they she loved me in her hospital bed. I had this horrible feeling that this would be the last time I would ever speak to her again….I can’t believe this is happening. I don’t want to believe it. My mom is gone.
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