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Dear Diary,
I got BUSTED! Guess it was going to happen eventually. And guess what? I really don’t care. It’s MY life. Let THEM deal with it! I will NOT apologize for anything.
So there.
Um… but it IS a BIG deal. I mean, other people now KNOW!! And more are knowing everyday! Just look at all my Facebook and Instagram friend requests! Gee, I put on a skirt and some make up and I’m more popular than ever before? And when I put on my high heels and stockings, well… CREEPIE GUYS now want to date ME! I mean, some are cute, don’t get me wrong, but most look like capital ‘L’ LOOOOSERS!! Those guys should all go to JAIL! They look ICKY and middle-age and FAT! I bet they still live with their MOMMIES!
What’s a girl to do?
* * *
In reality, I got outed by two people I know very well. They discovered me indirectly by a labyrinth of connected websites, Facebook pages and Instagram posts. No surprise, really. But they were surprised by my transfeminine desires, yet offered their support for my gender identity and expression. In fact, one said I look pretty convincing as a woman and I look really good too!
I guess it’s easier to accept my outing since I am transfeminine no matter the chatter. I am who I am and proudly so! I suppose if I was much younger I’d be horrified, but now that I’m edging past 60 it’s now kind of a relief!
What also helps me accept my outing is my community of family and friends of all genders and identities. Because of all your support and kindness, I can sleep well at night. So, a BIG THANK YOU!
Love, Barb
(Btw, the creepy guys above are very real, so I’ve fortified my online security settings. Now they don’t bother me).
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Barb:
Sadly, what happened to you is not uncommon. With all of the ways that people are connected, it is easy for things to go wrong. It is also why I suggest to people that they give conscious thought to coming out. It is very likely that as your story spreads, it may wind up being different from what you would have told people. If your story is told by someone else, it can be tainted by their misinformation, agenda or prejudice. It may be good or bad, but it is unpredictable. Anyway, now that the deed is done, all that is left is to make the best of it and move forward…
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Thanks, DeeAnn, but after some reflection, I think mine is a good-news-story!
My “outing” by my cis friends is more a coincidence of events than a malicious act. I think them reaching out to Barb is both sweet and kind, as if to say, “Girl, we get you and it’s OK!” At least I hope so…
Either way I’m fine. I have the support and love from my immediate family too. However, my extended family has been rather quiet… That I find very interesting!
TBC…
Barb 🙂
These situations are always the Luck of the Draw. It is often hard to predict the reactions that people will get and many will put off coming out for that reason. Some will be as expected and others will be just the opposite. It seems that those in your circle have been quite positive. I wish that was the case for everyone!
Unless something really untoward happens, many have said that the coming out experience is truly liberating. Among other things, it means that we don’t have to invest energy in being careful with what we say and do and continuing to posture to keep a fake persona in play. Then it becomes a matter of how can we put that time and effort towards a better purpose; a more positive purpose.
There’s an odd thing about gay men and lesbians with respect to trans people. MANY have essentially no understanding of the transgender experience. With gay men, from my experience, it isn’t unusual to talk about transgender issues and have the conversation bent around to talking about doing drag. For lesbians, sometimes this book is mentioned: The Disappearing L: Erasure of Lesbian Spaces and Culture. One of the topics is the premise that part of the erasure issue is do to trans people and issues occupying a significant part in the media. They seem to dismiss the fact that trans adults and young people are being very specifically targeted for discrimination AND violence. Also, the decline of lesbian spaces has been going on for a some time; long before trans related issues became more prominent. Anyway, trans women are not the problem.
Barb,
When I first came out.
A couple of very close family and friends decided to out me.
At first I got really upset but after calming down and looking at the situation I went and said thank you to them.
Their actions had removed my problems and what I called the door that I was stuck behind.Peace and hugs
Shiloh Rose 🌹1 user thanked author for this post.
Hi Shiloh!
I’ve gotten over any potential fear and anger of being outed. In fact, I’m kinda grateful and thankful the ball has begun to role, much like you!
The stress of not being Barb is awful. Funny… “Barb Wire” began as a clever, fictitious persona, but I am really her!! It’s that guy on the other side who’s a phony. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good chap and all, but he’s not happy and never will be unless he can live life as a woman.
Peace and hugs back at ya!
Barb 🙂
Yeah, funny isn’t it?… Only in the last 10 years or so it’s been cool to have gay friends and gush about them and brag about it. So, yeah.. I’m now wondering why the cis fellows I had friction with in the recent past are now reaching out in a very nice and friendly way! It really is a quick “about-face”! Also interesting are the cis women from my other life reaching out to befriend Barb! Oh, the cat is certainly out of the bag! LOL!!
Girl, you changed my life and for the oh so better!! Seriously, accepting who I am has dropped my BP tremendously. It’s almost perfect now. My GP is thoroughly delighted and he knows what’s going on in my head and heart.
TTYS, Big Girl!
Barb 🙂
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