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Hi, everyone. I am trying to decide what to do. I am 39 years old, and have known that I was trans as far back as I can remember (even before I knew that trans people existed). I have read the experiences of many ladies on this site as they told of their experiences when they passed in public for the first time. I am currently deciding whether or not to come out, but the issue for me is that I will never be passable. I have noticed that many of the ladies that have written on this site were below average size for a genetic male, and fit within the typical size dimensions of a genetic female. I do not. I am a little under 6ft, 4in tall, and currently weigh about 230 lbs. I have a 42in chest, and though I could afford to lose about 10-15 lbs, I cannot be much smaller than I currently am. As an extra complication, I shattered my neck in a car accident when I was 18 years old. My C4 vertebrae and disk were completely destroyed, and had to be reconstructed. Through some miracle, my spinal cord was not severed, and I suffered no obvious permanent effects beyond neck pain and some minor nerve damage. Unfortunately, the resulting surgery required several plates to be inserted into my neck, and due to the location, it impacted my vocal chords. As a result, I speak with an extremely deep voice that I am unable to alter, as some of my vocal chords are unable to function due to the placement of the plates. All of this is making the decision to transition very difficult for me. Due to my size and voice, no amount of hormones or surgeries will ever make me even remotely passable as a genetic female. Though I have an intense desire to display the real me and live freely, I also know that I will never be completely free due to the aforementioned issues. At this point, I question whether transitioning will only make life more difficult for me than it already is. Are there any ladies out there going through a similar situation? Any advice?
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