Did your dysphoria and self loathing get worse before coming out?

  • Creator
  • #103197
    Liam Stardust

    I’m wondering if I’m normal. I plan on coming out to family and friends soon, starting hormones, changing name and pronouns and I feel horrible. I feel like I should be excited, but I’m mainly anxious that everyone is going to hate me and leave me. It’s making me wanting to stay in this body and identity I don’t like just because I’m scared of losing the people I love. And what makes it worse is that I’m finding it harder and harder to even look at myself in the mirror or hear people call me “ma’am” or “girl.” I feel like so stuck. I want to transition to male and feel like my true self. But I am so terrified of being abandoned that I just want to stay hidden. Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I weird?

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  • Author
    • #103242

      Hi Liam no you aren’t weird at all i had the same problem just a very short time ago and was terrified of losing the people i love and doing this journey on my own, so much sk that i denied to myself who i was until i was 40, however the urge to be female got so strong i was starting to get severely depressed, since accepting myself and coming out to people though ive became much happier and now look in the mirror and love what i see staring back at me, as far as other people go, sone will accept and support you and sone probably wont but for the ones that dont its their problem not yours and if they cant accept you for you then are they really worth it.

      Take care Antonia

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    • #103229

      That is quite normal. I was scared.  I didn’t want to come out because I thought I would lose the people I love.  However if I hadn’t come out I would have lost my life.  In the end it got to a point that I had less to lose, even if I lost those around me, I had to come out to stay alive.  As it turned out, everyone has been totally accepting, which may be the case for you, people do surprise you.   But then my only transphobia is towards myself, I have always accepted everyone for who they are, and have surrounded myself with like minded people.  Perhaps I was subconsciously preparing for the day when I would need them.

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    • #103217
      Michelle Larsen

      Liam, to me, the happiness in transitioning comes from the HRT and surgery clearing up the doubt and anxiety surrounding who I am. I didn’t expect it would turn me into a happy person 24/7. There are still the daily trials and tribulations we have to deal with as humans. Are you going to going to have some hard times, most probably. Will you deal with them in a positive way, most probably. Will transitioning make you loose people you love, and find new ones to love, and love you, most probably. But that is what life is. You grow, you change. But seek someone professionally that can help you along that path. It is better to walk that with someone, than without. Michelle

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