Do you ever just want to stop thinking about your gender?

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    Topic
  • #96460
    Liam Stardust
    Participant

    I’m in the early process of accepting my gender and planning a transition. I’ve found that it’s actually so overwhelming that it started making me so anxious and sick to my stomach. I’ve distracted myself for so long from addressing my real feelings, and I’m finding that I’m retreating back to that with maladaptive daydreaming and focusing on other people more than myself. Anyone else experience this or am I alone?

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    • #99353
      Stacy Ann May
      CHAT CREW

      Hey Liam,

      I Know how you feel. I repressed it for a long time. The first time I went to a gender support group, I was terrified. I had to sneak in some alcohol in a water bottle to calm my nerves. And even after several monthly meetings, I still eventually backslid and purged again.

      I’ve tried to come to accept that a little part of me might always be uncomfortable about it. I’m just acknowledging that as a reality that comes with the situation. There’s a whole lifetime of social conditioning to conform to gender norms to deal with. It’s not easy.

      I started a private journal and went over all the times in my life that were related to gender issues and really tried to think through them and write them out in detal. It kind of helps to articulate all those complicated and normally unspoken feelings and fears in order to come up with a mental strategy to deal with them in a positive way.

      Good luck!

    • #96479
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Liam:

      While I have no specific experience with your situation, it is the kind of thing that a therapist can help with. Our minds often drift away from considering difficult, painful things. It is a way in which the mind tries to lower the stress levels. However, a good therapist with experience in gender issues will help keep your focus on things that you need to think about…

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      • #96508

        Very true, DeeAnn. I have a session with my therapist tomorrow, which I hope will be helpful. It’s kind of weird because I’m a therapist myself, so I’m often on the listening end, but then when it comes time for me to talk to my therapist, it’s so hard to find the words for what I’m feeling! But you’re totally right.

        • #99317
          DeeAnn Hopings
          AMBASSADOR

          Liam:

          That you find therapy somewhat difficult to do likely helps others realize that the process isn’t easy, but it works better with the more you can reveal. One thing that I have noticed is that we all bring bits of the puzzle. I think learning about how we struggle is as instructive as how we succeed.

          My guess is that as we become more and more comfortable about our true gender identity, we become less likely to spend time thinking about it. Do you think this is how it works?

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          • #99320

            My guess is that as we become more and more comfortable about our true gender identity, we become less likely to spend time thinking about it. Do you think this is how it works?

            I think that’s probably it. A lot of what’s occupying my mind right now is probably anticipatory anxiety about what all of this means going forward. I’m sure once I start living and stop thinking, things will get better.

             

          • #99340
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            Reminds me of a brief story…

            I spent 6 years working in Taiwan. We were expanding our company’s manufacturing capability there. One of the other engineers that I worked with complained to one of our Taiwanese subcontractors about something that they had done. The foreman told him: “Maybe you think too much!”

            I damn near fell off my chair!?!?

            But, regardless of the delivery, I believe his point was well taken in that sometimes there needs to be less thinking and more doing. Every now and then, useful information comes from unlikely sources…

            2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #96509
          Carly Holloway
          AMBASSADOR - EDITOR

          Hi, liam.  I have been in a similar situatin with that stuck thinking, the connected feelings abd anxiety, etc., as  well as being a therapist.  I spoke with my therapist on my first visit about being a therapist and just took a deep breath and told her that i was worried that it would be a barrier.  After about half the session, I found my comfort level with her.  I encourage you to do something similar.   Switching roles is kind of intimidating, a much milder concern than changing genders, but intimidating just the same.

          That first convo with her helped me learn to open up more, as well as that resolving those concerns is really easier than our mind thinks it will be.  I wish you success, strength and peace in your adventure.   Be confident and stay you beautiful self.

          Carly

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          • #96511

            It means a lot to hear this, Carly. I often have a lot of inner conflict about what it would mean to transition while being a therapist, but that’s a whole other thing. I love my job, but the setting that I work in (women’s recovery center) might make it difficult to do that social transition to male. Glad to hear that others have had similar experiences and that I’m not alone!

    • #96461

      Yes I do know what you mean. I’ve spend the longest time questioning my gender, but then more or less immediately dismissing it from my mind. I didn’t understand, still don’t fully. But like you I’ve dedicated myself to looking after the people I care about in my life and as rewarding as that is, I’m left feeling like I’m missing out.

      I’m still new in this journey and by no means Claim to be an expert, but life’s to short to live miserably, life’s to short to live in the shadows everyday of your life. Although this journey is necessary it is scary, it is bit overwhelming at times of I think about it tooo much. I try to employ the ‘don’t think, just do’ approach. It helps to an extent, but I also try to be mindful of the impact that it’ll have. But thinking too much is a recipe for driving yourself nuts, lol.

      “Don’t think, just do, and be you” *big pink hugs*

      Amelia

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      • #96507

        Thank you for this thoughtful response, Amelia. This is a hard journey for all of us, but you’re totally right. Life is too short to only think and not act! Sending hugs to you as well. 😊

        1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #96506

        <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Amelia,a beautiful reply to a difficult time in one’s life. Your words are exactly what I would have wanted to read,luv to you darlin from Maxine</p>

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