Does/Did Mom Know?

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  • #123424

    Did/Does Mom Know?

    As some of you know, I am set to go through transition yet again.  Well, actually a THIRD time (but that’s a whole other post). The surgeon and insurance are having me do the therapy AGAIN to RE-establish the diagnosis of gender dysphoria. I would be put out, but insurance is going to cover a better part of this than ever before…so I’m good with it!

    The new (insurance approved) therapist asked several questions: Did your mother know? How did she react? Was she supportive?  Fortunately, those questions engendered quite pleasant memories and responses. So, I thought that would be an interesting set of questions to throw out to you ladies!  It may be difficult for some of us, I realize. I intend to cause no discomfort.  However, those of us having done therapy know that processing the difficult feelings helps us to grow.  So…,

    Did/does mom know?

    How did she react?

    Was mom supportive?

    Did/does mom actively help you in any way?

     

    What sayeth the collective wisdoms, y’all?

    Dee

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    • #123958

      I can not say 100% for sure as I never came out to her before she passed but there were some signs she knew for sure. She used to make comments when perusing my baby book on how much I looked like a little girl in the photos (and I do). She used to mention I need to change my chapstick as it was staining my lips, as you can guess it was lipstick that was doing the staining, she went to school as a beautician and must have known. When staying home from college I used to keep my female clothing hanging in the very back of my closet and I saw my mom once looking in there but she never said a word. When I was older she used to comment that when I went out for the weekend I must be coming home from a rave as I failed to wash the black from my eyes, oh did I love to use black eyeliner and that 90’s smoky look. But one of the bigger signs was when a teen after getting my eyes dilated at the mall and I could not see well she took me to Forever 21 to try on shirts and stuff, believe me I could see well enough to know they were not guys shirts and there was no way she did not know.

       

      Miriya

    • #123707

      Hi Dee

      Although I spent most of my life away from my mother, I did have a conversation with her a month or so before she passed away in which I explained to her who I really was and how that had shaped me in ways she could never know. She took it well and I have a sense that regardless of how I presented my self to her she would have been supportive, and understanding. A mother’s love, simple and understanding.

    • #123704

      There’s an old family story relayed to me by my mother that I was wearing a girls bathing suit as a toddler because it was a hand me down which was all they had and could afford. In that photo, that child is smiling beautifully. No hint of discomfort or trauma… why would there be ? That little girl was who she was. My mom relayed to me how she dearly wanted a beautiful little girl, and I’ve always suspected that my dressing in female clothes at a young age was not just coincidental. That a truth had been broached. I’ve gravitated to female clothing, and felt myself to be female as long as I can remember. It has always brought a sense of release and calm, and the acknowledgement of the discomfort of the skin I was in.

      Honestly… I wish I could ask her but she passed away years ago.  Knowing  that she dearly wanted a daughter I think she would have been thrilled at the prospect of having a daughter.  Makes me wish sometimes I came to terms with my trans self years ago so I could have given myself – and her- that gift so much sooner.

    • #123652
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Can’t say for sure as my mother passed away ~15 years before DeeAnn began to surface. However, although I don’t think she ever directly confronted me, I think she knew that I was quite taken with her clothes and shoes…

    • #123484
      Dawn J
      AMBASSADOR

      Hi Dee. I think my mom knew. She caught me once, trying on a pair of my granny’s heels. And then, there were the times I accidentally got lipstick on her white sundress and did a poor job of removing mascara from my lashes. However, she never said anything. She’s gone now, but if she were still here, I think she’d understand, but be disappointed. I was the only son.

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