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Does everyone want sex change surgery ? Or you happy to just to live a life dressed fem ?
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At one time I did, I went through five years of HRT.Β Then I was diagnosed with Diabetes which suddenly caused me to gain nearly 100 lbs!Β Β I quit HRT and focused on my weight problem.Β Then realizing that HRT had made me impotent too.Β I nearly screamed when I was not able to get an erection!Β Β I was in a new relationship with a cis female who accepted my feminine side but I wanted to have a usable male part to please her too.Β OMG!Β I shrank too!Β Β My doctor prescribed me some Viagra in low dosages, so I depended on that to have sex.Β Β I feel so bad now that I lost what I once had, in length and girth.
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So sorry to hear. Β Diabetes is a hard disease to manage with myriad serious bad effects down the line if ignored. Β Kudos to you for paying attention to that. Β Diabetes and its effects (high blood pressure, Β damage to vasculature to name Β only two) can manifest ED as well. Β Unfortunately ED is expected with HRT and is common, as youβre meddling with the chemical soup that your body has become accustomed to. Β I had encountered ED for years, and was told my radiation treatments for prostate cancer could worsen things. Β It did. Β But in my case I wish I could just cut the damn thing off and am planning for an oriechtomy sooner than later. Β My partner always tells me βitβs ok.. there are other things that work :)β Β Perhaps exploring new venues to meet your respective needs could be the rewarding icing on the cake you haven’t considered? Β A former GF of mine once told me itβs not so much about the destination as the journey. Β I hope you can embrace yours π€
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I feel a lot of sympathy for your circumstances but if there was ever a reason to think very seriously before making a major decision then Meran should be it. Even the most careful research can be confounded by a bolt from the blue such as diabetes, a car crash, major heart attack and so on.
You may not be so fortunate to find a partial solution even for the consequences.
I hope things continue well as can be for you Meran I really do.
Reading through this interesting thread I can see bits of my experience scattered about, I think that’s because my goals have been changing over time. After a lot of thought and reading the stuff from the Gender Clinic I’ve posted back the paperwork confirming that I want SRS. Although presenting female 24/7 there are things I’m not happy about currently and my tackle small though it is is one. The upside is another reason to re-lose the weight I’ve regained during Covid and ill-health since and improve my fitness and health.
Now I just need to see what the waiting list is like under our Victorian Gender system, I’ll bet it’s a lot more than the 4 months mentioned elsewhere, which is a disgrace really. Hopefully the gaslighting that has been the norm until now will stop, I don’t really need extra hassle especially with my mental health finally recovering.
It’s a big decision and I’m confident in my decision after taking the time to be really certain. I suspect many others here went through the same thing and if so you have my respect and admiration. An easy decision it isn’t.
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Sadly Natasha it is an average of 7years to be seen at a gender clinic in the UK. And anything up to 43yrs to receive treatment. It sounds unbelievable but it is true by official figures. Donβt rely on the NHS in England. Wales is much better if you live there.
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At least I now know but that is utterly appalling. The Nottingham clinic keep recruiting admin staff but the delay in writing up appointments is about three months and regular appointments are stretching to 8 months. At my last one they decided to wait until they’d seen more blood tests as she was concerned at my levels despite them being exactly where I was told they should be.
The Head of NHS England should be sent for trial at the Hague between covid, the numbers dying within days/weeks of being passed fit for work, and patients who’ve died on a waiting list being counted as treated, and going along with the ‘increased NHS spending’ scam that sees the NHS moving money straight to private healthcare providers. Rant mode off…calm thoughts…calm thoughts.
My views certainly have changed the more I’ve lived authentically 24/7. When I started, all I was interested in was HRT and electrolysis (covered by my work insurance if there is a diagnosis of gender dysphoria). But I didn’t say that I didn’t need anything else, just that I’d need to evaluate what my needs were, after I had those first two under control. Taking your time, making sure, verifying your own needs is huge, and takes time. And can produce differing results as things change.
Best wishes on getting through your medical system.
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Over the past few months I have concluded that, yes, I do want SRS and Have recently received approval from my Dr. to start the process. I am fortunate that here in Canada I can get bottom surgery for free, other than travel costs. the wait list is currently about 4 months so it is really just up to me, nothing official holding me back. It’s actually a little scary!!
What is holding me back is the fact that I have a very physical job as an exploration geologist and I have a 12 year old child with special needs, who needs lifting around. If I had SRS I’d be on light duty at work for at least 6 months and same at home, leaving all the heavy lifting to my wife.
After 1 year on hormone therapy my body already feels a lot more like “mine” and although know I’d feel better with the appropriate female bits, I don’t know if it’s necessary.The more I think about it the more I feel like I need to just go ahead and do it and that scares me!!
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Do keep in mind that, depending on the specific procedure that you want (zero-depth/vulvaplasty or full-depth/vaginoplasty) it can have a bearing on what you may have to do to prepare for the surgery. Hair removal may be needed, and that can take a number of hours of electrolysis. So, while you are working through whether you want to have the surgery, it might be worthwhile to contact your potential surgeon(s) and see what their requirements are.
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I do, but could never afford the $30K AUD price tag attached to that surgery.. so I have gotten used to my girldick or shenis as I call it
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Well I’ve had SRS so I guess that’s a yes. And top surgery and voice surgery (VFS)
Alex x
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Yes!
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Iβm pretty sure like most things in life itβs not for everyone. Β So many factors involved.., including health related issues. Β I can only speak for myself, and on that vein absolutely. Β I remember when I finally got contacts at age 15 and looked at myself in the mirror and finally saw my face sans glasses. Β It was weird seeing that for the first time. Β But amazing. Β I imagine thinking the same looking down at my new self after grs. Β So for me the answer Β is yesβ¦ bring it on.
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Iβm pretty sure like most things in life itβs not for everyone. Β So many factors involvedβ¦ including health related issues. Β I can only speak for myself, and in that vein absolutely. Β I remember when I finally got contacts at age 15 and looked at myself in the mirror and finally saw my face sans glasses. Β It was weird seeing that for the first time. Β But amazing. Β I imagine thinking the same looking down at my new self after grs. Β So for me the answer Β is yesβ¦ bring it on.
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This is a great question for every transgender person to ask them selfs. Do you want SRS? There is a lot of psychology in the answer and will be different for everyone. Personally the concept of getting SRS so I can passΒ is a pointless and superficial answer. As much as getting blond hair vs my natural brown, I do not want SRS because of vanity. For having sex is also a pointless answer as I am not driven solely by my urges and it would be very temporarily self indulgent, also SRS tends to make feelings down there not as they were before. If it is to please someone else or because it is a society trend, it would be a heck no, I have always walked my own path and have been free as an individual human. The angry nihilistic Trans people you see on social media tend to be in this group. But if getting SRS so I can feel whole mentally, physically, spiritually, that is still a self absorbed answer but one that is acceptable, we are are individuals and must take care of our selfs mind body and spirit. Plus once one feels whole with self they will be better at loving and caring for others.
Miriya
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My thoughts about wanting SRS.
A man walks into a hardware store and asks the attendant where he can find the hole section. The attendant looks perplexed and asks the man some questions to clarify what he is looking for.Β He finally realizes the man needs to put a hole in his wall so he can insert an anchor to hold the screw which will hold the mount for the picture he wants to hang.Β So he takes the customer to the section where the drill bits are displayed.
“What’s this the customer asks? I want a 1/4″ hole not a drill bit!”
“I am sorry sir,” replied the clerk, “we don’t sell holes. If you want a hole you will need to buy the bit.”
I want a vagina; fully sensate and functional. (I would love an uterus also). However I can’t have what I want without. SRS. (sadly unlike trans. fiction, vaginas don’t magically happen from shrinking penises)
Do I want lady parts? Without question.Β And if it takes SRS then. . . . yes!, . . . well maybe. . . .Β weeeelllll, you know, at this point I think I will opt for, “I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.”
And oh yes, I am quite a distance from that bridge. Nevertheless during my entire femme journey having a functional vagina; having my vagina, is my most deeply cherished dream of my unique womanhood which just happens to be trans.
Kindly,
Charlene
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Hi Danii,
Thank you so much for starting this important thread!
Actually, I’m still trying to figure out whether I want bottom surgery or not. This is the one thing I’m not sure about. Do the pros (passing more easily) outweigh the cons? I need to hear more from other trans women who have been through it, and what worked for them and what didn’t.
Regardless, I definitely would like a more feminine voice, feminine facial features, hips, breasts, and an altogether softer, more feminine appearance. As such, I’m planning to get plastic surgery to make my face more feminine, as well as breast implants. Maybe because I learned in high school that the penis and clitoris are analogous, I haven’t had the same dysphoria about my lady parts as I have about other bodily features.
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Hi, Starlet. I can echo a lot of what Evelyn stated.Β When I started transitioning, the “outward” stuff was first priority . . . which is fortunate, because there is literally no place where you can immediately get bottom surgery just for the asking! πΒ Due to my age (69 then, 70 now), my endo would only prescribe the “E” if I would go with spironolactone for about a year, followed by an orchiectomy. Well, the year is about to lapse and my orchi happens on the 21st. (Yay!) So, I need to go at least that far “down there” just to get the benefits of “E.”Β In the meantime, have largely finished electrolysis on the face and neck, and have had a tracheal shave (f****g marvelous, that shave, and SO glad I did it, even though I am $9K out of pocket for it!).Β What about the rest “down there”?Β Well, I am going part of the way. With “Tom” and “Harry”leaving the trio on the 21st, I will have wait upon medical science’s sense of timing for when “Dick” may also leave this plane of existence. So I will get my surgeon all lined up and wait for the date. I have decided AGAINST a full vaginoplasty. At 70, I am not that interested in romps in bed, and anyway, any romp wouldn’t be with a guy, so why would I need a vagina that needs time to heal AND constant dilation?Β Fortunately, there is the vulvoplasty, which removes all male appearances and crafts a clit and “lips,” just as in a vaginoplasty . . . just no vagina. Seems to make the most sense for me, so that’s where I am headed. My goal: to be able to stand naked in front of a mirror and see everything that belongs on a woman . . . and nothing that doesn’t. Meanwhile, the spiro has me so flaccid that I can easily tuck in most normal panties and get a very acceptable “flat front.” At least none of the other ladies in the rest rooms I’ve been in have found anything “amiss” down there.
But this is me. You are you, and must chart the course that suits you best. Good luck!
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I’m pre-op (but I just got my surgery approval from my insurance company today).
I’m not sure that GCS helps much in terms of “passing” (I don’t really believe in passing). Unless you’ve got so much that tucking is impossible…or you are changing in the women’s locker room or something.
What it could make is a huge difference in confidence, and that could make a big change in how you are perceived.
In my view, having surgery should be something that you feel a need for, at least at some level. It’s not that you have to hate your current genitals, but you should feel that a change in your anatomy will make _you_ feel better. Don’t do it for what you think someone else will feel about you.
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Hi Evelyn,
Thank you for your great insights, and I hope that everything continues to go well for you now that you’ve had SRS!
When I mentioned ‘passing’, I may have been thinking about it differently than you or others. At a time when there is a massive backlash against us even existing, I do fear for my safety at times, especially if I’m going somewhere alone where there are liable to be large crowds, or when I need to take public transit. (The subways can really bring out the worst in people, especially in Boston or NYC where the systems are beyond broken.)
Tucking without pain can be a challenge of course, and I try to do it only when necessary for my safety, when having a spontaneous erection could invite real trouble. On the other hand, I want to be able to wear leggings and tight shorts in public without worrying about being harassed or worse. We should be able to wear what we feel comfortable in, but we’re in the midst of a cultural backlash right now thanks to certain politicians, talking heads, and one extremely transphobic social media tycoon.
If not for safety issues, I would have no reason to think about bottom surgery. Hair removal and HRT are very important to me, and I will probably get breast implants eventually, but my genitals are not a cause for dysphoria for me the way facial and body hair, and my lack of curves are. If I could be an alto rather than a tenor, that would also improve my confidence socially.
If someone cannot accept a woman with a larger clitoris, I don’t want anything to do with them of course, and I’m sure that I speak for every MTF woman here. At the same time, I also don’t want to be a victim to the violent transphobic intentions of those who have been brainwashed to believe that we are somehow a threat to their way of living.
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Ah. I’m not sure that those folks are going to do a genitals check before any of their bad deeds.
I do understand about wanting to wear leggings, etc. I’m still pre-op (just set my surgery date this afternoon for Nov 9), but I wear bike shorts to cycle class, leggings out and about (though often with a longer tunic top). Things like that. Right now, with the effects of HRT, I just seem to need panties to tuck.
I don’t do it often, but I have walked from the showers through the women’s locker room in panties and I don’t think there was anything to see. Of course doing that once or twice and you remember to put your bottom clothes in your shower bag EVERY time. π
Regarding hair removal and HRT – when I was first diagnosed with gender dysphoria, that is all I said I wanted at the time. Anything else would be on a wait-and-see basis after those two issues were taken care of. Well, after I got rid of the dark hair with laser, and started getting rid of the rest with traditional electrolysis I found that I had other dysphoria triggers. I just couldn’t hear them over the screaming of my hair back then. Now they are load and clear. I’ve had BA earlier this year, and have GCS set for later this year. I’d like to do FFS, but I can’t find any good providers that are also in-network for me.
As for safety, I count it as a blessing that I live in a very accepting state (MN), and really can’t say I’ve ever felt un-safe. Early on, going to a dive bar alone for the first time, etc, I had my senses on high alert. I found out that I didn’t need to. Actually, at said dive bar I saw a well worn “Love Wins” sticker on the edge of the stage. Most of the up-scale breweries have a Progress Pride flag hung up.Β And our light-rail isn’t the best, but I’ve never felt threatened.
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Thank you Evelyn – this is super encouraging to hear!
I’d prefer not to get bottom surgery unless it becomes a must-have for safety. FFS, however, is important for me to save for, given that my existing facial features cause me considerable dysphoria (jawbone, chin, forehead). I don’t expect that my inurance will cover that – even with a transgender clinic at the hospital I work, there are limitations with what they will cover, and I’ll certainly take the money that I’ve saved on unrelated medical expenses over the past several years.
If I can get to the point where panties or shapewear are all I need to tuck, that will be amazing, For now, I’m happy to wear a tunic to not draw attention to my lady parts, but hope that the need will lessen as hormones start to kick in. Not that tunics look bad on any woman, but I’d like to be able to show off my butt and my thighs since they are among my best features.
Like you, I live in a very accepting state with outstanding healthcare (MA), and rarely have any occasion to travel to anywhere less welcoming (NH, NJ, and PA are the closest, and parts of upstate NY are also worth avoiding unless you have friends or family there.) I’m still on high alert when I take public transit or am somewhere that’s not obviously a safe space (such as my closest grocery store), but hopefully that will subside over time.
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Not everyone wants it but I do. I don’t want that slug attached to me.
I don’t hate the thing but I want it gone.
I like it on a man though.
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My thoughtβs on this would be this . I think a person should live a year as female , or male totally , to see what it means to change permanently , SRS cannot be change back . Iβve read so many stories of problems in surgery and some mental problems after .
For many, but not all, that would be a very good thing to do. However some want the physical changes but don’t or can’t present as female. Except for one afternoon I’ve been female for nearly two years, that one occasion was my father’s funeral and I stopped at a supermarket and changed before driving home. That last outfit went in a recycling bin at the same place. Even after all that time it was still a big step mentally and surgery will be much more intense.
Bad news flies and good news walks so poor results will always seem more common than they are. Nowadays the Interweb makes research easier and there’s nothing as good as a personal recommendation. ‘Informed consent’ is a great option as long as it really is informed, I think just signing a legal document to protect the surgeon is nothing like informed consent. It’s arse covering while demanding healthy fees for a procedure without discounting the reduced cost of insurance when the patient signs away their ability to sue.
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I would one day, but could never afford the $30k it costs in Australia.. unless I Crowdfunded the entire amount
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My thought’s on this would be this . I think a person should live a year as female , or male totally , to see what it means to change permanently , SRS cannot be change back . I’ve read so many stories of problems in surgery and some mental problems after . I’ve been living several years now as a total female as possible , yes once in a while i have to man up to perform certain tasks , i have a large place and takes physical strength to complete . Chain sawing in a dress is a no no , snicker . I would like to change my sex permanent , i just don’t think it will ever happen at my age now , maybe ifΒ i had a close friend to help me and us be together loving and caring for each other , then i would take the plunge . Having someone close to be there would really help . Its a large decision to make , but one i think i would like . Love to all , Leslie
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I’m a little past my first month of hrt.Β I’ve always felt like I wasn’t a man, I’m not, I just have a man’s body although that’s going to change.Β I’ve got a good marriage with 2 wonderful daughters too.Β The thing for me…Β when having sex with my wife I always fantasized about being penetrated vaginally.Β It was a huge turn on.Β I never really was attracted to men specifically although I experimented with that a few times.Β I am now finding that my feelings toward srs are changing.Β Although I’ll never to ba, mainly due to adverse reactions to implants, I will more likely have vaginoplasty.Β I never liked my genitals, it was just a pleasure center.Β That said I think every girl is different with their ultimate goals.Β The only downside for me it the constant dialization of the vagina for life, use it or lose it.Β It’s said that 30% of those who have bottom surgery have to have corrective surgery because they don’t follow the regimen to keep the vagina functional.Β That’s a huge consideration to make.Β I may change my mind but ffs and vaginoplasty are in the cards for me personally.
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This just popped up on my e-mail notification hence the late reply.
When started on the feminisation road by my ex- my firm answer was NO WAY! Partly, I think, to kid myself I could rewind if needed. She didn’t make a fuss. Over the next few weeks I was moved forward and was doing my make-up when I noticed my eyebrows needed work. You can guess that barely three months after starting I was looking into FFS. Since then things have continued to evolve and now I’m wanting breast implants, an orchie, and starting to get ideas about full SRS.
It’s been a strange few years. But I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
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I will never have any surgeries.
Well… I had my wisdom teeth taken out, and I would consent to life saving surgeries.
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Does everyone want sex change surgery ? Or you happy to just to live a life dressed fem ?
Hi there darling. I have done my research and don’t think it is actually funcional. Anti-androgens will make you disfuncional, ok, but you can stop them whenever you want and go back being sexually functional. SRS on the other hand don’t allow for such choice.
What I know is that the surgery success rate is high, but the satisfaction rate is very low. In my perspective it would be TOO low anywhere bellow 90%… We’re talking about one of our many senses after all, and I’d rather not sacrifice it. Take that with a grain of salt though.
Some, or most, of us just want to go all the way to satisfy something within. Be it a negative or positive feeling, I just don’t know how anyone would ever sacrifice a perfectly working organ to acquire a very disfuncional one in exchange. It boggles me…
Additionally, whatever are our personal choices, desires and dreams, we will always have to adapt. In the SRS side, one would not have to adapt, but learn from scratch. That would be quite ok for someone who didn’t even try to learn about her own pleasures, even when so psychological as my own, yet this is a lifelong, mostly irreversible thing and the fact is that suicide rate has not gone down on the other side of it. Sorry for being so blunt.
I couldn’t care less for my partners reactions. I’m me and want to be happy. There’s no choice I make in this perspective that doesn’t require to sacrifice another. That is the price of just being human, but more so when adapting to a new reality, whatever it is.
Just for gigs, I have tried cyproterone for some months. Even being completely uninterested in using my genital for anything, it took away not only my capability to use it, but my sexual desire altogether.
Well, there was no point in my life I felt so bad about myself, so glum, without any desire to live. I could very much adapt to that overtime, but I’d personally not do so. I still dream about orchiectomy, and very much know I would never again have a natural erection. I’m really ok with that, but taking hormones to nullify their presence, or doing a surgery that’ll make me less sensitive to stimuli are things I don’t want to bet on. More so when it comes to my personal health and self acceptance. I’ll not accept myself to be “disfuncional” in any manner.TL; DR: I would not do it unless I would get a functional uterus in the process. You’ll sacrifice something for appearances, and could very much lose too much in the process. I have worked a lot to get where I am now, I would not give a step back just to be more “accepted”. There’s no acceptance other that what is in our hearts and minds…
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In reply to hear from one who has had the surgery, I have had it. I wanted it ever since I first heard it was possible when I about 10 years old and in therapy. In retrospect I had some advantages in starting on blockers before I puberty and on HRT when I turned 16. I transitioned to full time as a girl in the summer before I started my junior year. I was surprised that I attracted a guy because I was not even trying and didn’t expect it. When I realized he was serious about me, I told him my secret. To my shock he accepted me as I am and became my biggest supporter. Our relationship was based on friendship, trust, similiar interests, ability to talk openly with each other. Sex was not an issue. The plan was for me to get the surgery after I graduated, but that was delayed almost two years by COVID. The night I got accepted for surgery, my bf asked me to marry him. We got married after I recovered enough from the surgery to do so. We are now happily married.
I wish I had been born female, but for me the surgery was the answer to my dreams. There were a lot of hoops to jump through and the COVID delay was frustrating. Luckily my supportive parents had inherited enough money to help with the large expenses. I am sure it is not for everyone and the road to surgery is not easy, but for me it was the right way to go.
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You’re a lucky girl.
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I would just love to hear from anyone who’s done it. Every single perspective is very important to me, personally, right now. No matter what research I have done, if I don’t really open myself to the actual experiences of others.
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I started HRT almost 9 months ago.Β Up until a few months ago I was unsure about bottom surgery.Β But now my male bits have become non-functional.Β Repurposing them into a vagina is appealing.
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There was a time I’d have said definitely not, however after 20+ years on estrogen, progesterone, and anti androgens, The remaining male bits do nothing anymore, even when working the operation by hand I feel very little, sorry to be crass.
So now, the answer is yes.
Even though I have changed little from the hormones, and will NEVER be able to pass a female by any observers estimation…I still want to be a complete woman, though a manish looking giant male by the public perception…I’ll be me inside the drab clothing.
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This is a question I’ve heard from many people and always drives a great conversation.Β The answer I always come up with is seen here in the varied replies.Β Does everyone want srs ? – No.Β It’s a very individual, intimate and fundamental decision.
When I started my exploration it was through online discourse in chat channels.Β Predominantly I was on our sister site CDH (before TGH became a reality).Β I drove people nuts to the point some ambassadors thought I might be a troll.Β All I really was after was perspectives from others on how they approached this decision and various others common to Trans people.Β Β But, in the end the decision was mine and I sure wasn’t going to make my choice simply “because so-n-so did it” nor because of concepts some espouse like “you’re not trans if you don’t transition all the way”.
I love seeing the people on this site willingly giving their perspectives.Β Use the information you gather here wisely and I’m certain it will help enrich your knowledge to make your own best decisions for yourself.
Cloe Webb
Managing Ambassador
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Had to chuckle a bit at the idea of not being transgender unless you do ALL of the steps. It is not unlike the underlying thought process of those lesbians who claim Gold Star status. In effect it is saying that it is the only way that you can be validated.
Such BSβ¦
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They’re looking for perfection in an imperfect world and yes I’ve actually been approached about being gold star in that community.Β I’m sitting here wondering what my 32 years of marriage as a pseudo-cis male counted for on that scoresheet.
I’m happy to just be me, warts and all, much less a false goddess.Β But, I am blessed to be able to deal with issues that do affect me.Β Completing a master checklist isn’t one of them.
Yes, pseudo-cis is an actual term and like cis and trans is from the realm of chemistry.Β But, to me it just means I was faking it, unknowingly at first.Β The chemical attribution is just another reason I call myself a convergent woman now.Β I’m not denying it exists, but I think it is too limiting to the human condition and experience.4 users thanked author for this post.
Himmm,Β I hesitated to participate in this discussion because I’m such a mix (I’m Intersex) but I promised myself that I would speak out in an effort to help others.Β I have a woman’s body shape (breasts with cleavage, I’m hairless except for a small beard but have full scalp hair, higher octave speaking voice, 5ftΒ 5inches stature, 125 pounds, lacking T but producing E,Β a small penis that pees sideways (soΒ I sit).Β I’m listed as a genetic male on my birth certificate and have a face like Mick Jagger’s grandmother.Β When I was a child I told my mother that I thought I was made out of spare parts.Β I didn’t look like or fit in with other children.Β My Father was a big all city sports hero but I was a carbon copy of my mom. I was bullied and misgendered and never really understood why.Β 30 years ago I suddenly grew full B cup breasts and that was the first time I was examined and the word Intersex was introduced into my vocabulary.Β I was told that my condition would proceed until my death and that I needed to learn to live with it.Β I’ve had facial, nasal and neck surgery (my trachea and epiglottis aren’t correctly plumbed) and two hernia surgeries with a release of a testicle.Β I think that surgery is a beneficial tool when used wisely.Β I got electrolysis to remove my scattered beard follicles and now am scheduled for eye lids and brows.Β So, what am I?Β I’m sort of a man and sort of a woman but in both cases I really don’t fit the worldly definition of a manly man or a womanly woman.Β So I’m just an Intersex person trying to have a life.Β The surgeries that I had, made my life better and for the most part were necessary.Β Β I usually live as a woman since that seems to work out best with my condition and causes the least disruption.Β I don’t usually strip down in front of others except for my wife and Homeland Security (they always stop me).Β I look like a small skinny woman.Β I do pass and fail both ways and am very used to misunderstandings.Β Would changing my plumbing from a small outie to a small innie make my life any different?Β Probably not,Β but it would have been great to have had an understanding of this condition when I was a child growing up.Β Intersex medical knowledge at that time was not so advanced.Β Someone once described me as a trans person with built in free prescriptions.Β So I am what I am and am now OK with that.Β I’ m just one of the 2% of the population with a type of Intersex condition and it’s good to finally have this condition be recognized.Β Β Safe Journey,Β Marg
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Marg:
You also have to factor in the thought that many in the medical profession believed that they had to βfixβ people with intersex conditionsβ¦
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Oh yes DeeAnn,Β That’s a big part of the Intersex Movement now.Β Fortunately I just mystified my early professionals and they took a let’s wait and see approach.Β My best doctor told me that even though I didn’t like it, my greatest chance of success was to learn to live with it.Β It took me a few years to get that into my head but when I finally did my life got so much better.Β Even now I hesitated to show my body in the Swimsuit Perfection ArticleΒ that I wrote for TGH but then I thought that the time for hiding is over and now is the time for helping.Β Thank you for adding that point.Β Marg
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I mentioned this as a way of honoring a dear departed friend who was intersex. She grew up in the 50βs and her parents, much to their credit, resisted the advice of their doctors regarding surgery. As you know, that was quite remarkable for the time. She grew up male, married and had 2 daughters. Her social transition started at about the same time as mine, but she lived here and I was still in New York State at the time.
She passed away August 1, 2018 and was the first real friend that I made when I moved here. She was a contemporary, a near savant regarding popular music and the kind of friend that will always be missedβ¦
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Yes, Alyce was an interesting character. Sometimes we would do a road trip and go thrifting for a day or go to have breakfast or lunch. A song song would play on the radio and she would ask if I had seen the video. The question would lead into a 10-15 minute discussion about the meaning of the location or a line in the song. I would chuckle to myself as I am a bit like that regarding motorsports. More than once as we sang to a song on the radio with the car windows up and the air conditioning on, Iβm sure people looked at us and wondered βWhat are those old ladies doing?!?!β. Like we gave a shit!
I think the underlying point is that we never know when someone of lasting significance will come into our lives and when they will leave. The trick is to appreciate them while they are here, acknowledge their presence afterwards and the effect that they had on us.
As trans and intersex people, we always seem to be in opposition to someone or something. Whatβs important is that in the midst of struggle we maintain our sanity, sense of humor and sense of humilityβ¦
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When I started with my transition, SRS (or GCS now is the U.S.) surgery was a low priority. Facial Hair removal, Developing breasts and Brow bossing/Orbital Socket reduction were my top desires.
I ultimately did get my facial hair removed, had cranial hair transplants to deal with my widows Peaks, had BA surgery (as hormones did not deliver even a B-Cup and I have a very large skeletal frame), and I did have some Facial surgery for the Brow bossing/Orbital Socket reduction (the lowest risk version).
I also had an Orchiectomy, as after two years of taking Spironolactone I had a near fatal incident when my body rejected that drug.
I do now desire GCS (Gender Confirmation Surgery), my weight (and my difficulty in reducing it) continues to be the limiting risk factor for Vaginoplasty and I may have to choose a Vulvoplasty (or “Zero-Depth) surgery to remove what I don’t want.Β (I have always been large, over 6′ tall and 325 lbs in the 7th grade due to a medical issue)
I fully support each individuals Right to determine which,Β if any surgeries are the correct choice for them as part of transition.
My journey has been one of self-discovery and charting my own path. The advise I was given at the beginning of my journey has been extremely valuable:
“Move to the next step only after you are fully comfortable with the step you are on, wait until you can clearly see your next step before taking it. Your journey and path are unique to you in both the order of the steps and how quickly you take each step. Defining a plan and schedule ahead of time will not allow you the time to evolve into who you truly are and be ready for living your life to the fullness you deserve.”
I have also found that my self-discovery has involved peeling away the layers of the “Protective Shell” I created to be safe, loved and accepted in a society and family that didn’t even have the word “Transgender” in the dictionary.Β Akin to peeling layers of an Onion, tears are often involved (for me) and the number of layers I have removed (so far) were more than expected and I seem to discover more as I go on.
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I’m leaving my options open for now, orchidectomy is a must asap, BA lets see how far the real ones grow. This journey is like standing on a beach with the tide coming in. Everytime I look at it…it looks different, the boundaries have moved. What I set out to do is evolving as I do. SRS is on the list of maybes but it depends on many things. I increasingly see myself as non binary and the need to be completely female physically is not as pressing, well not that aspect of it. My preference is bisexual so I kinda like to play with the toys too. It’s what you want your life to be in the years to come. I didn’t hate who I was, only the gender dysphoria of being male.
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Wow – what a great site this is! I came here looking to post a similar question, and lo and behold, a great discussion already exists!
I was going to ask it the opposite way: how many out there are “non-surgical transitioning?”
As has been noted about, these surgeries are expensive and, from what I can see, really invasive. The post-op photos some ladies have posted kinda freak me out actually!
I also acknowledge that I’m pretty lucky in that my physical stature/features allow me to be somewhat “passable” without the need for major surgery. And oddly, I’ve never hated my “man-parts” but more just the fact that because that’s what I was born with, I’m not allowed to live how I feel most comfortable…that said, I’m dying for some permanent hair removal. That triggers my dysphoria more than anything.
So, who out there lives as a full-time woman, without having had surgery?
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Dear Alexis,
So much of what you say reasons with my own feelings. I’ve never really had dysphoria about anything special, but already in my early childhood l realised I had fitted much better as l girl. I was also luckily equipped with a small frame with some decidedly feminine traits and a face lacking hard angels, that could easily be transformed into a very beliveable girl. It wasn’t until l became seriously limited by Parkinson’s disease that l began looking into transitioning for honest or at least searching out what medical options there were to help me be that girl more easily even if only temporarily. Facial hair is the biggest concern for me, but if it was only up to me I could go all the way to SRS.
Hi Alexis, I have recently come out as living fulltime as a woman and have no plans for surgery or HRT.Β Like you, I am blessed with my mother’s great facial bone structure and features so that isn’t a problem. I am also only 5’7″ and 180 lbs and somewhat passable so have never considered the need for surgery.Β And another fact that seals the options for me is the fact I had open heart surgery last summer so I am on medications that don’t allow hormones or further surgeries.Β But, I am living and presenting fulltime as a woman, an out and proud transwoman.
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As someone who identifys as non-binary, I don’t believe surgery would ever happen for me. Thoughts have crossed my mind, but that’s not part of my dysphoria.
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I think about it pretty much always, Though I can NEVER live as a woman or present successfully in public as such.
I am seriously considering an Orchi soon so i can dump the anti androgens.
I am certain I will eventually go full GCS but being perceived as a giant male by anyone with eyes is what I am cursed to regardless my genitalia.
I WILL pursue gender affirming medical interventions but whats underneath will necessarily remain undercover
I work in a predominately male field, wear a company supplied uniform of male carhart clothing, have to order size 16 male steel toe shoes outside the company contracted supplier of footwear.
20 years on hormones have done nothing to make me look feminine with any gender clothing.
This is not a pity party, just my reality. I accept it as such.
As a trans man, I don’t think it’s likely that I’ll go through with medically transitioning for a few reasons. For a long time, I have been hesitant about the medical transitioning process; I had considered top surgery and I do still consider top surgery and I may do it in the future, but it’s not high on the list of things I want at this particular moment. In regards to bottom surgery, I don’t like either option and a packer/STP works just fine. In regards to HRT, I have a hormone imbalance where I am able to grow facial hair, and I am already able to pass 99% of the time. The only thing is building muscle, and if building muscle is something that I want, I’ll work out.
The only thing I’m really considering is going through the legal process of getting my name changed.
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I have looked into what the legal process looks like, and it does look relatively easy to do. The only thing that seems like it would be a pain is to get everything else changed (SIN, passport, and other government documents).
Danii, I came out earlier this year and changed my name fairly painlessly on everything except my NHS record. I’m not sure how to change that, but it’s of far lesser importance than my driving licence and so on. Every organisation has changed with without much hassle. For some, you’ll need a declaration, which you can find from a UK government site at https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/make-an-adult-deed-poll
Hi, I changed mine years ago in the UK by declaration (very inexpensive) and my NHS one is right, I think it is set when you change doctor…or register. My Passport was a little long winded, and I did it first but everything else fell into place with the Passport…it was the thing to have. Birth certificate, marriage certificate etc. you just have to say ‘previous known as’ Now I’m about to change my first name…so here we go again lol. My dentist has already accepted to call me Alex on my records without any legal documents. Gender change is more difficult but UK online Government forms to guide you.
Danii:
The short answer is no.
To discuss that further, affirmation surgeries are an expensive and invasive set of procedures. If you canβt afford it, donβt have insurance, canβt be away from work for 6 to 8 weeks or are a poor medical candidate for surgical procedures, it wonβt happen. The last statistic I saw a few years back had a surprisingly low percentage. As I remember, only about 30 percent of trans folks had affirmation surgeries.
We must also remember that the procedures are also quite invasive as surgeries go. That can also be a buzz kill.
For my own situation, I have no desire to do affirmation surgeries and I also have no desire to do HRT. It is enough for me that I present as DeeAnn 98% of the time. She is the person of record in the 5 organizations where I hold office. She has her own credit card and very few here even know that there is a Don. I donβt see anything changing in the foreseeable futureβ¦
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I would also add that it goes beyond dressing. The reality is that we need to fit into the world as a female. Anything less than that brings forth what some refer to a a βbloke in a frockβ, as is said in the Commonwealth. Dressing will only get you part of the way there. We must remember that women function very differently from men in society in general, and specifically in social settings. Regardless of how we might pass physically, the social aspect can easily trip us upβ¦
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Partial but not all the way (T-removal is a must)…well full is not my plan. I said that about breast augmentation though…but that was months ago, and now it is on my plan. Also veneers! I’m not making light of the question, it seems the sand below my feet keeps moving. Also it depends on relationships, who I become and what my needs are as a woman. As I transition my needs are changing, I’ve noticed that already in just 7months. Perhaps that is just me I don’t know about others. X
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That is me, too! Before I was even diagnosed with gender dysphoria, the only things I said that I would need to transition were full beard and body hair removal (by FAR my biggest trigger), and starting on HRT. Beyond that, nothing was required. And I honestly thought that little, if anything, would be needed beyond that. Now as the hair is going away, and the HRT is starting to work, I’m realizing that some surgeries might come into the picture, but there isn’t anything that I can claim a need for, yet. I want to give the HRT a lot more time (seven months in, so a long ways to go…) before BA or FFS are considered. GCS is still a big question, and zero-depth vs traditional is muddying the waters.
I can’t wait too long, as I’ve only got a handful of years left that I’d want to work, and work has excellent health coverage for transition. Maybe even hair restoration fill be in my future, if I have time to make my case.
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The more I think I can still be Danielle without srs but facial hair must go change my voice and I would really want orchiectomy I live as Danielle most days but that would make me more complete xx
At least your heading in the right direction, I am sure you will get there Iβm certainly gonna try xx
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Hi Danii…I feel I am peeling away my false male layers to reveal the real woman underneath. I’m not creating her…I’m releasing her. She is very happy about this and with every layer gone I feel happier and more liberated. It is still happening, everyday is a new experience. x
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Does everyone want sex change surgery ? Or you happy to just to live a life dressed fem ?
Danii, I donβt want to go totally feminine. Iβm 71, and current situation wouldnβt allow it. Even if I could I wouldnβt. God made me a male, but I do have this fascination for wearing a skirt. x
Liz
Liz as long as it makes you happy then thatβs all good, I wish it would be enough for me x
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Danii, all our situations are different.
You have to decide whatβs best for you.I have firmly held Christian views on many things.
I wish you every success in what you do. x
Liz
Liz thank you I wish you well too xx
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No doubt everyone has her own view on this. For me, all that’s stopping me from having it is lack of funds. I must wait in line here in the UK for NHS treatment which is barely funded. Having a more female body is one of my deepest desires.
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I agree Iβm from the uk as well I desperately want to be a woman but not sure it will ever happen !!
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Hi Danii. I feel just the same. Are you on a waiting list for a first appointment with a GIC? I saw my GP a few months ago and he contacted my nearest GIC in Newcastle who put me on their 4-year list. What’s your situation?
No, by no means. I love the feeling of the clothes and putting on makeup and jewellery, I love seeing myself look kind of feminine in the mirror, but I hate that I still have a male body underneath. I really dislike having to shave my face, chest and legs, although I know some women have trouble there too and surgery won’t do a great deal for that problem. There aren’t perfect solutions for these, but surgery would be a great help. I suspect you feel the same. Many women, I’m sure, would be baffled by our wish to have bodies like theirs.
That must make you very unhappy. I’m a latecomer to realising my transgenderness, not really understanding it until the last couple of years and I’m 55. All you can do is to wait and enjoy life the best you can. Most transgender people alive today don’t have even a waiting list to get on to. If you were wealthy, of course, you’d be at the front of the queue but that’s how capitalism works. It’s tough luck for you and me but there is plenty to take pleasure in despite not having it all.
Have you worked on feminising your voice? That’s my greatest goal for the moment but I’m confused by the multiple different techniques suggested on YouTube videos. Some of the trans women there have beautifully feminine voices which I would love to hear when I speak. I’m trying but… nowhere near yet.
Danii, a passably feminine voice would, I think, help you feel a lot more female. Also bear in mind that surgery has many unpleasant complications. I had a look at the page on breast augmentation on this site which will show you it’s not a simple matter.
Oh I agree I donβt think any of it will be easy but yes as you say a nice feminine voice would be nice too xx
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Danii, I was told by a vocal coach that women form most of their vocal sounds in a different part of the throat than men do, they generally phrase things differently andΒ use about 3 times as many words per day as the average male.Β She says the way you say things and form the words are more important than pitch, and that she rarely gets misgendered on the phone even though her vocal pitch is a high baritone.
For some folks, the need for surgery is definitely there. But there are plenty of transgender folks that do not see surgery, or even HRT, as a needed part of their transition. I know several women who have been living their authentic lives for years, in some cases over a decade. These women have not had surgery, or at least no GCS. Maybe an orchi, maybe not. Maybe BA, maybe not. Maybe FFS, maybe not. It all depends on the individual and that person’s needs.
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I would disagree.
It may be true for those who feel that they were born in the wrong body and are dealing with dysphoria issues. However, that is not the only definition for being transgender.
In my case, I have never felt that I was in the wrong body. If I have any dysphoria, it is minimal. However, what eventually occurred to me was that I am an amalgam of masculine and feminine genders, perspectives and likes/dislikes. While my chosen presentation is feminine and I present as DeeAnn 95%+ of the time, I am not anticipating HRT or any surgeries. In all of my volunteer, charitable and political work, I am known as DeeAnn. In the 7 1/2 years since I retired and relocated, perhaps fewer than 20 people know that Don exists. How things work out for me is that I have a number of masculine interests and activities that stand alongside a number of feminine interests and activities. It is just how it is.
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