Dueling Sexualities

Did Transition alter/change your Sexuality?

Discussion regarding sexuality-both pre & post transition

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  • Yes
  • No

This topic contains 22 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  Cloe (CC) Webb 1 week, 2 days ago.

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #31790

    Kris Herrington
    Participant

    I’m at 33 months of HRT. Living fulltime for last 24 months.  No regrets, all is well.

    However,  having been a widow for the last 6yrs due to a drunk driver,  I’m struggling with what I want regarding a relationship. Three years ago I started my transition after dating a woman for a few years. I’ve always dated women…always. I came out to all except the last, having time with her allowed me to understand she would not approve.  I left on my own free will knowing my time to transition was at hand. My late wife of 13yrs totally supported and even encouraged me to transition.  Due to insecurity and financial reasons it never happened while she was still alive.

    So now I’m finding my sexuality conflicting.  Having never had interest or relations with men, I’m learning they now interest me. I have always been secure and confident in my sexuality.  Now I’m having to reexamine what I have been certain of my whole life.

    I’m not ashamed that I now find men (some! 😋) attractive.  At the same time,  I also see gorgeous girls and have my usual interest with them. Having never been with a man in a relationship or sexually I’m a tad intimidated….which is so not me. I get hit on by both Male & Female. Since going fulltime more so men, admittedly.  I’m curious about my new interest but equally excited to see what would happen.

    My dilemma is deciding.  Some would say “Why choose?” but I feel compelled to examine my new feelings and be honest with myself about what I.  I won’t know without finding out is my newfound thinking.

    When with women I still retain my old need to be the dominant.  When considering relations with men I am the polar opposite.

    My post is to ask if this has been a similar situation for anyone of you? I’m probably Bi…which is fine, but I don’t know for sure. The thought of men (some) and women both excite me now whereas before lately, that wasn’t the case.

    I’m not lonely nor seeking to fill a void in my life but considering all these new feelings I  want to explore possibilities that I never have.

     

    Anyone else with a similar experience?

    Thanks in advance for your input! 🙂

  • Author
    Replies
  • #32284
     Carla Roberts 
    Participant

    FREE

    I voted “Yes” and “No” because there is not easy to answer. I wanted to use the old saying, “This door swings both ways” because I’ve have enjoyed some attention from men, but when it comes down to it, my romantic and sexual interests have always been directed toward women. Some unpleasant bullying experiences, with males, during late childhood and adolescence, completely removed men from the pool of potential partners, and I have some PTSD related to male physical contact. As a result of my experiences, I have had trust issues with men, and any relationship with men has been largely superficial. As I have learned more about myself and others, and moved much farther along on my journey of discovery and expression, it is clear that my sexuality is focused on much more than sex. What is important, is how a potential partner, romantic or sexual, relates to me and how I am treated, and not about how they present or identify.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #32312
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Carla, I haven’t had the negative experiences you have over any sexual or relationship experiences, but I have seen the worst in men including a couple of unprovoked fights in adolescence.  I’ve always considered my self relationship centric vs sex centric.  As such I’m at the point where I could consider a relationship with just about anyone who is of the same centricity, but for now sex itself is still a boundary I reserve for a woman, regardless of cis or not.  Regardless, at this point I have too much going on to even consider starting a relationship and with transition comes change.  Why would would I want to complicate 2 lives, now or in the future?

      1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #32064
     Jennifer 
    Participant

    SILVER

    I voted NO only because deep down inside I think I always knew I was bisexual although I have only had sexual relations with two males. I do find that my preference for dominance has changed quite a bit though  since deciding to transition to that of being more submissive. My first sexual experience with a boy was in high school and I liked being submissive then, as a girl (this may be a generational thing  as women were expected to be submissive back then).  While transitioning I have noticed that I am more submissive with both sexes.

    All in all I believe my sexual orientation has not changed a great deal, I like both. Maybe it’s the extra attention men give me? I am married to a wonderful cis women and sex has always been wonderful with her. Although I don’t think my sexual orientation has changed my sexual expression has, if that makes sense.

    I think life for women like us come with extra issues and challenges to deal with and sexual expression is one of those challenges. As we all slowly drift from the middle of the binary toward the female end of the spectrum we will probably all experience some sexual revision as well.

    God I hope this wasn’t wierd or off base  :hmm:

    Huggz

    Jenn

     

    3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #32073
       Kris Herrington 
      Participant

      FREE

      Thanks Jenn

      You make some very thought provoking comments.  Perhaps my interest have always been there as well?

      Now I’m asking, “Buried deep to avoid detection, perhaps? ” ….if so, does that include an effort to conceal them from myself as well as everyone else? 🤔

      As you can see it would be real easy to over analyze this! 😋

      -K

  • #31987
     Ava Zinn 
    Participant

    FREE

    My gender transition may changed my sexual orientation (heterosexual male to a lesbian female), everything else is still the same before I Transitioned.

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #31913
     Cloe (CC) Webb 
    Managing Ambassador

    MANAGING AMBASSADOR

    …. is like having a disco ball inside, especially after closing my eyes at night and trying to sleep…

    I have one of those too!

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #31888
     Marianne Ferrara 
    Ambassador

    AMBASSADOR

    I found that after my HRT, which happened only two years after starting living full time, I started enjoying the attention.

    I never questioned myself in my sexual preference: women, but gosh! The attention, and the flirting and all those new things that I was so new to!

    In the end, when my butterflies calmed a little, when I was able to think and was able to seat with a cup of tea -which I totally recommend- I allowed my brain -which BTW is like having a disco ball inside, especially after closing my eyes at night and trying to sleep, I find myself quite frequently waking up with a solution or a new idea before passing out… and I tend to derive as a result… where was I?

    Oh yeah, after calming a little bit, as a consequence of finally being in tune with my hormones, my appearance the life that I was fighting for, and all those things, finally then, realised that I liked the attention, but a lot. I mean, who doesn’t?

    Who would be against free drinks, getting in the club without paying and girl-night discounts? But in the end, I remained Marianne, which is to say, I still liked women, so much that I became one and married one.

    It takes some time to realize who you are and what you are, even now, I wouldn’t say that I am 100% lesbian, the fluidity that our path has, and how we are is something that we need to live on a daily basis and little by little to settle down, at least for a while.

    Don’t get too invested in that, let your mind and your body do the talking, just be true to yourself and love yourself, do mind good people and good friendship above everything.

    With all my love,

    Marianne

    7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #32307
       Martina Mooney 
      Participant

      FREE

      Beautiful, that touched me

      Thank you

    • #32001
       Kris Herrington 
      Participant

      FREE

      Thank you for sharing, Marrianne. Reading your reply I found myself relating a lot to what you were saying. Congrats on your transition progress, btw!

      Huggz😇

  • #31853
     Amelia 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Like Kris I have always seen myself as Heterosexual regarding sex with a man as almost disgusting. Just before I married a mate was spending a lot of time with me, It was only later I realised his attraction towards me was a little more than just a “bromance” so the path I am now on makes me think about what might have been. I suppose the problem for me is that I have only had intercourse with one woman in my life and as she curtailed our sex life soon after the ring was on her finger. (strangely enough she now needs me sexually) I now have a lot of regrets and some doubts about my own sexuality. I am a dominant confident person but the thought of being submissive does arouse me. I have taken the first steps towards womanhood having been on female hormones for 40 days. I am sure it will be an interesting journey.

    5 users thanked author for this post.
  • #31850
     Killgrather Commander 
    Participant

    FREE

    I honestly don’t know, I mean I have a boyfriend but I’m F-M trans so if I fully transition will that make me Gay? Not that there is a problem with that but There is one girl that I like like so will that make me lesbian if I transition or straight.

    5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #31856
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      DOn’t get caught up on the labels.  You are human first and that comes with a sexuality dimension.  What that may look like is your business.  People kepp asking me what mine is and honeslty its not that important right now.  I value the relationship most and at this point know if it were a true love I could probably overcome any hangups I have.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #31854
       Amelia 
      Participant

      SILVER

      Wouldn’t it be great if gender was unimportant and that life was more about finding that “Special one” who just loved us unconditionally?

      4 users thanked author for this post.
  • #31810
     Cloe (CC) Webb 
    Managing Ambassador

    MANAGING AMBASSADOR

    I’ve been on HRT for one year now and living full-time 7 months.  At the outset I was only into women both from romantic and sexual interests.  Over the last few months, I’ve come to the conclusion I could very likely have a romantic relationship with the right man, but the sexual part is still bothersome, but not as strongly as it used to be.   These things make me question who along the human spectrum of cis to TG to CD to TS I could fall for.   Check back with me after I’ve gone another year, had GCS, or been in a relationship. 😉

    Hugs, Cloe

    4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #31832
       Kris Herrington 
      Participant

      FREE

      Chloe,

      Thanks for sharing. You summed up my situation in a nutshell, probably better than my attempt. Like you, I  seem to have a “more” open mind. A friend told me to quit thinking about it and just go on a date and see how it goes. I’m leaning in that direction and most likely will.

      I’ll share more as I know it.

      Huggz

      1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #31798
     Erica Mitchell 
    Participant

    FREE

    I have always been extremely attracted to women and that hasn’t changed. Although I must point out my transition is far from complete, so far HRT only, but I am living full time as female, with legal name and gender change. I have certainly fantasized about men at times, but my couple of experiences didn’t live up to my fantasies at all. I don’t rule it out or the future, especially after having vaginoplasty. But only women only get my blood running. I don’t know if I can say they physically arouse me anymore, because I am no longer capable of physical, arousal, much less orgasm. I can only say I worship women and long to someday be in a truly lesbian relationship.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #31800
       Kris Herrington 
      Participant

      FREE

      Thanks Erica. All I know is women and never questioned my interest. I find myself  concisely admiring some men. Not so much fantasizing about them but rather “allowing ” myself to admit aloud that they interest me. It’s odd thinking for someone who never gave it a second thought.

      I’m just curious how many other women are dealing or have dealt with something like this.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #31797
     Cassandra McDaniel 
    Participant

    SILVER

    I don’t think it did. I have always been into men and it remained that way and actually may have increased some too along the way. I only started coming out more after I transitioned and it really has made me feel a lot better about myself. I have always found men attractive and of course I had always wanted to be a woman and have a husband, the first part has already happened, now I just need to find someone to marry. I wasn’t any different as a man just was much more shy about it, now being a woman I have opened up.

    2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #31799
       Kris Herrington 
      Participant

      FREE

      Thank you for your input. You have raised my suspicion that I too may be just coming to terms with “who” I really am and “what” I am interested in. I’ve always felt totally comfortable with women but I must admit I never allowed myself to consider men.

      I’ll share more as I figure it out. : P

      • #32108
         Cassandra McDaniel 
        Participant

        SILVER

        I think for me it had a lot to do with always wanting to be a woman and doing things women do so it just came natural. Being into men now doesn’t seem unusual to me.

        1 user thanked author for this post.

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