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Question if your wife knows your trans like mine does,do’s she ever bring the subject up mine doesn’t and I never know how to go about talking to her about my feelings such as my dysphoria and depressed feelings so I’m looking for answers do any of you have any
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Hello, I’m the wife of a man who likes to cross dress and is trans in her mind. <3 When she first told me about Tiffani I was a little shocked. Of course I asked if she was gay and she told me no and that she didn’t know what she was. I asked her, are you gay? Nope but I like the look of a c**k and don’t have a preference in gender. I remember being sad and confused and not knowing if I was going to loose the husband I had or not. I watched my husband cry in bed for two days and during that time all I could do I see the pain and hurt he was in. I know he didn’t choose to be this way and hates that he’s not the man he wishes he could be for his wife and daughter. I sat with my husband those two days and wrapped my arms around him and told him I loved him no matter what and that I would walk through fire with him and help him figure himself out. Fast forward what has been about four years now I’m still the loving wife, and best friend to him. I shop for Tiffani, buy her presents, do her makeup. I’m not going to sit here and say it’s been easy for my six year year old and I navigating how much is acceptable Infront of her and how to explain it to her. I love Tiffani very much and I just want her to be happy. I want to be a good support for her but don’t want to feel like I’m holding her back from being her at home or encourging her to much to the point she thinks I just want her to be a girl so I can find someone else. The fear I face as a wife of a trans is will I support to much to soon if shes not sure what she want’s yet? We are very successful and own a few business and in the public eye a bit. We have fears and I say we because we are in this together and I want happyness for her. I see the constant struggle and confusing she faces. She hasn’t fully accepted her self but has taken the steps to change her self. We have gotten Botox together, filler in our lips, and even some cheek filler to give Tiffani higher cheek bones. I’m very accepting of my husbands change I just wish I knew how to help her accept herself more and meet others like her. I try to constantly reminded her that I love her. I encourage her to explore her curiosity with boy’s and girls we just struggle with him being okay that one day I may need more as in another man around. I really hope this site helps us both find some answers and guidance.
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CC Coffey, for me, your relationship with Tiffani is the ideal (perfect) outcome with my wife. All I desire is her love and understanding, help and support when I’m in need. When I tell her: “I was born this way and didn’t get a choice” (love that quote), I want her unconditional love not blame or anger. Even though we’ve been married so long, this “newer me” or strong feminine side was always present but firmly hidden all these many years. I know this may take my wife time to digest and absorb. As she is struggling with Kathy, I am struggling to find my final true self. I cherish any small step my wife takes towards Kathy. I want us to be happy too. My wife’s encouragement may be far off for me, but I’m hopeful.
Kathy
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Stay strong, fingers crossed. Keep the communication lines open. Hugs, Jill
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Hi CC, wonderful insight into your feelings. If this helps you regarding how much support your spouse needs or wants, keep the lines of communication open 24/7, let them take the lead and remind them how important they are to you regardless of their gender gift. It may well be they have no idea where this leads, I still don’t and I’m over 65. Some claim they can remain static and never progress further. I never have stopped progressing, stalled a few times, but never stopped. I am guessing your partner feels confused at times, wishes they could just be one gender, wants to know why they feel this way, the list goes on. It may come one day they feel they are good with where they are at and accepts themself at that point. It may be they come to realize they are a woman in a man’s body and must change in order to survive. Only time will tell.
Here I sit currently, all gussied up, ready to meet the queen, my wife laying next to me on the couch in her gardening clothes. Lol I’m quite comfortable being dressed up in heels and hose which is quite normal for me and she feels the same in her garden apron and shorts.
Its not important to me she gets dressed up fine, that’s her choice, I love her just the same. She also feels the same way so we have a mutual understanding that we just be who we are, no barriers, no limitations. We allow each other the freedom of expression unconditionally and it works for us at home or out and about. As for me and where will I progress to next? No idea. I’m guessing but being totally accepted by her makes life much simpler for me. Being out also makes things simpler. Being gender fluid, I came to accept whole heartedly, both of me so this week Jill takes over. No ides for how long but I love the fact I can freely be Jill. Some day coming I will wake up as Kevin, throw on some jeans, and go play in the woods cutting winter firewood or jump on my backhoe and do some ditching, and be equally happy expressing himself. It may well be your partner will find a place like that, and decide that is where they want to stop, others have. Maybe they will need to have surgeries to transition into the woman they believe to be inside.
I know this, accepting who ones self is is key to inner peace regardless of any unknowns into the future.
hugs, Jillleanne
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Question if your wife knows your trans like mine does,do’s she ever bring the subject up mine doesn’t and I never know how to go about talking to her about my feelings such as my dysphoria and depressed feelings so I’m looking for answers do any of you have any
Hello, my husband is a CD and very confused and struggles with the same issues as you described only we talk about it together a lot. I’m a huge support for him and I just try to listen as much as I can and love unconditionally. I never make decisions for him I just let him talk and tell him it’s okay. I struggle as his wife if I’m doing the right thing or not but I just want him to be happy and love him unconditionally.
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Talk, talk, talk. Ask questions, show your love. You both will be just fine.
hugs, Jill
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As a teen I had no family support/understanding when I first noticed myself at age 13 (having naturally developed breasts). I was diagnosed with partial androgen insensitivity syndrome (hormone imbalance) at age 18 (after developing gynecomastia and other issues) in my early teens. I was a closet crossdresser off and on and tried/began to transition when I was 30 but stopped (lack of local support and no internet) and got married instead. My wife knew I crossdressed but didn’t know I was intersex too. I am 64, we’ve been married 32 years. I had been a workaholic until I recently retired. Since marriage, I continued my crossdressing until recently during Covid when my hormone imbalance became more active and became more depressed. As depression set in and I began to feel more mixed emotions, along with hot flashes and times of sadness (crying). My wife didn’t recognize this was my hormones doing this to me.
Years ago I also developed back pain and found wearing a bra helped. Recently my back pain became worse and I feel better (better posture) when I wear a bra (42C). My endocrinologist doctor diagnosed me this year with high estrogen and very low testosterone. The doctor noted in my medical records I have female breasts and recommended I see a therapist (which I have). The remaining of my medical staff accepts and recognizes I am transgender, wear women’s underwear and wear a bra.
I found a great therapist who assured me I’m a trans-woman. She said I’ve been living as a trans-woman for all these years acting and dressing like a male.
Since starting therapy, I’ve openly talked to my wife about my feminine feelings, trying to remind her I’ve always had female breasts, always crossdressed but now need to wear a bra. My wife cannot accept I have breasts nor that I need to wear a bra. I doubt my wife will ever fully accept me but I am hoping with time my wife will understand me.
I am trying yo be more outgoing as a trans-woman, including joining several local support groups. Sadly my face and lack of usable hair make me less feminine looking – I hate wigs. I prefer my basic jeans/tee shirt “woman” or “dyke-woman” look. I’ve decided to pierce my ears and my wife is okay with that. I am now seeking professional help for hormone balancing (towards female). Small steps at a time. Kathy1 user thanked author for this post.
Not really sure what you are asking but, my wife/partner is also my best friend. She is totally accepting of me. We talk daily about anything gender related when the thought pops up, for example, yesterday she bought a new bathing suit. I commented it would look good on her and her reply was, well you can wear it too. We openly discuss anything about me being gender fluid anytime. I often bring up my dysphoria issues and her first response is usually, well, why don’t you fix your makeup and we’ll go shopping. Maybe that’ll help. I am so fortunate to have her in my life.
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Hi Jill
firstly can I say your a very lucky girl having a wife/partner supporting like you do, my question was to ask other girls how they approach there wife after they know about their femme selves you sound like you don’t have a problem my wife knows but never talks about it I believe preferring to not bring it up so believes it will go away
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Hi Christy, yes I have been blessed for sure. When I first came out to my partner, she was shocked in a sense. First question was, Are you gay? Nope. It was baby steps for about a week but during that time and for months later, I would remind her if there was anything I could do to help her understand, I was there for her. I constantly reminded her I loved her. After about two weeks, she wanted to see me en femme. Sweating bullets, I obliged. She was impressed, and said to me she always noticed I had very pretty eyes for a guy. She left it at that. As time went on, she took an interest in slowly learning about trans people on her own. I would assist in her learning by answering questions mostly and reminding her I did not choose to be trans but born this way. Over time Idressed more at home eventually coming out and finding the freedom I always deep down needed to get though each day. Talk, support, remind her your love.
small steps, big results.
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Years ago when we first got a computer I randomly decided to see how many other males loved to dress in panties, pantyhose or garter belts with stockings. When I got a response there was literally thousands of other males and loved to show pictures. What a thrill! I had to get off the computer and failed to log out of the website. When the wife logged in she got a shock of a male in lace panties on the screen. When I got home her only comment was look all you want but she didn’t want to see it. We, years later upgraded to a laptop with a camera. When she was out I would chat and cam with others dressed in panties, pantyhose,or garter belts with stockings. She was okay with it. She just wasn’t interested in being part of it.
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Hello Christy,
Welcome to our TransGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Transgender Support Site. We are a wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.
You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.
Glad you are here. Looking forward to seeing you on the site.
Terri Anne, Ambassador============ TGH MtF ChatRoom ============================
https://transgenderheaven.com/chat/mtf-transgender-chat/=========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/Hi Christy, thank you for lovely reply. I do not have any contact with other transgender women and it was lovely to hear from someone of a similar age who knows the tribulations we go through. My wife is now severely disabled and therefore we cannot do the things that we used to do. Our passion was musical theatre and holidays. I have not been on feminising hormones although I have been assessed as being transgender by the NHS, circumstances prevented me from completing my treatment at the Gender Clinic in Sheffield. I really wanted to have a more feminine body. My wardrobe is 90% female and I feel euphoric when I put on my makeup, dresses and perfume. You can perhaps understand my feelings. Anyway it has been lovely talking to you, good luck for the future. Claire.
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Hi Christy, my wife knows about me. Although at first she was understandably shocked she has now accepted me as Claire. In fact she encouraged me to make the change. At Christmas and birthdays she buys me clothes, perfume, wigs, jewellry, nothing that had to do with my previous persona. She understands my feelings and thinks that I am a nicer person since showing her my true self. We do not seem to need to talk about the past and enjoy our lives together as we are now. I am 74 years young and told her 10 years ago. We have been married for 34 years. I realise how lucky I am. Naturally not everyone I know accepts the change but those important to me (kids, grandkids and of course my wife) are very supportive. Even my wifes best friend has taken me under her wing and treats me as one of the girls (we talk and text each other constantly about fashion, makeup and how more feminine I will become ). Good luck to you. Best wishes Claire.
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Hi Claire
Thanks for your lovely response I’m pleased for you, I’m 66 been married 45 years I told my wife about 13 years ago after she’d confronted me about a web site she’d noticed me on and first asked me if I was gay, I told her no but that I’d always felt I was born in the wrong body and really I was female she initially couldn’t except it and said perhaps we should split as she couldn’t live with a woman well 13 years later were still together so really she is I initially self medicated on hrt only a small dose but enough to make some changes in my body and mind she as said she can’t look at me but she does my biggest challenge is I have multiple sclerosis and that limits what I can do and to give her due she looks after me despite everything my only delemia is that it’s difficult bringing the subject up with her hence my post.
xx Christy
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many wives don’t like it and have a lot of trouble dealing with transgender.i belong to a group and we have discussed it many times.The most important thing is not to leave her out.talk,explain tell her what you plan..some will except if it’s not shoved in their face.some will say do what you want ,leave me ot.some may come around.first you have to know where you are going.dressing sometimes.or operation.my group has work on this question.there are many places you can go to. good luck judy
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Mine knows for quite some time now. She doesn’t bring it up but since I’m living as a woman right in front of her all the time, she probably doesn’t need to bring it up. She hasn’t accepted it though. She is resigned to it, and has even given me necklaces, earrings, panties, skirts etc.
I feel I’m very lucky, but so you know, I caressed what I’ve showed her gradually.
JAKe/Jeri
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