Frankensteins Monster

[Therese McKnight]

There are times when I either see something cute or someone cute and comfortable in their skin that my body aches to be who I feel inside. My heart starts pounding like after a run, and whatever place inside which makes wishes is quite busy. I see the ‘flowy’, curvaceous body of a woman and feel from somewhere I don’t understand and probably never will that this should be me. Those are the challenging times for me. They don’t happen all of the time but when they do they are quite strong and always leave me breathless and down. No matter how much work I put in I will never be able to tame this devil. No matter how much time I spend learning about makeup, walking, talking, matching colors and styles I will never tame it. I will always be a balding middle aged dude in a skirt.

I was at my therapists the other day telling her this exact thing and she gave me some homework after I used the term Frankensteins monster to describe myself. First she told me about the joy she saw in my eyes when I was talking about a dress or skirt or some such thing or other. Then she told me that she’d like me to allow this joy to overwhelm no that’s the wrong word. She’d like me to allow that joy to be rather then knock it down and call it names like, ‘Frankensteins Monster’ I told her that I would.  I guess that’s my new goal.

[Michelle Lawson]

Therese, pish posh on that Frankenstein’s Monster stuff. The beauty of you; is well, you! Your outsides are like the car you may drive. You mind, heart, and soul is the driver, and you can spruce up the exterior any way you want….. Want white wall tires; there you go…. As for the Frankenstein thing, remember Elsa Lanchester was his bride. It may not have been a perfect match, but hey, sometimes they are.

And keep up with your lessons. They will help in the long run. Besides, we never really stop learning. Just the lessons change as we get older. Hugs, Michelle

[Cathy]

Hi Therese,

A lot of us have an inner critic. I used to look in the mirror as Cathy and think that I am a fraud. I still get that feeling when I am having a bad day but that is not very often. Our inner critic lies to us! Don’t believe those lies! Please remember that the inner critic can be overcome. Work with your therapist, you do not deserve those feelings!

-Cathy

[DeeAnn Hopings]

Therese:

Remember that attitude counts for a whole lot. If you exude confidence and happiness, people will notice that. Similarly, if you exude a lack of confidence and depression, people will also notice that. That will likely cause you to be scrutinized more. You know, every person who was Assigned Female At Birth does not look like Janelle Monáe or Anne Hathaway…

[Aoife Mary M.]

I hope you feel better, but I am glad to find this analogy on my first day here. I’ve always related to “Frankensteins,” and have been able to apply those feelings to a lot of what I’ve been through, even outside of any gender struggles.

[Author]

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