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There are times when I either see something cute or someone cute and comfortable in their skin that my body aches to be who I feel inside. My heart starts pounding like after a run, and whatever place inside which makes wishes is quite busy. I see the ‘flowy’, curvaceous body of a woman and feel from somewhere I don’t understand and probably never will that this should be me. Those are the challenging times for me. They don’t happen all of the time but when they do they are quite strong and always leave me breathless and down. No matter how much work I put in I will never be able to tame this devil. No matter how much time I spend learning about makeup, walking, talking, matching colors and styles I will never tame it. I will always be a balding middle aged dude in a skirt.
I was at my therapists the other day telling her this exact thing and she gave me some homework after I used the term Frankensteins monster to describe myself. First she told me about the joy she saw in my eyes when I was talking about a dress or skirt or some such thing or other. Then she told me that she’d like me to allow this joy to overwhelm no that’s the wrong word. She’d like me to allow that joy to be rather then knock it down and call it names like, ‘Frankensteins Monster’ I told her that I would. I guess that’s my new goal.
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