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How to begin ………. this week, on a Tuesday, my wife and I having just returned from a 1 week vaca and an awful experience with an airline, my stepson is at work until late so we had a long talk. The upshot is that I can dress as I wish when at home with her present or not. What a woman…I can only hope to emulate her spirit. I am going into counseling in the next 2 weeks to discuss my transgender self and feel out what I really want to do going forward. We discussed transitioning, just continuing to dress, HRT, becoming passable with makeup and weight loss, building a wardrobe, and a whole lot of other stuff. At this time and after discussion with my wife, I am leaning towards HRT because I truly need and want to have breasts (this is a very simplistic statement of what I truly need to accomplish with HRT) and I hope a figure. While holding off on thinking about a transition, until we both have had time to digest the counseling and HRT, I still need to read up on HRT and the possible outcome and side effects.
She believes she heard that I could have Estrogen and Testosterone at the same time maintaining my libido and obtaining the feminine outcome I desire. The key here is the Testosterone. I was diagnosed early this year with low “T” so I take shots to mitigate this with Testosterone. One thing we hoped would happen was an increased libido and boy is it working:) The other thing we hoped to have happen is to decrease my irritation and quick temper but, alas, that is not the case. I have realized this week after our talk that I am in a better happier mood and feel less stress. Much as I have felt in the past when I was able to put on hose, panties and a bra where this almost euphoric state of mind would last as long as I was semi dressed. Today I underdressed by wearing panties under drab, and a skirt tonight, denim knee length, which she bought for me today. I must say I am very happy this evening and believe the repression of my feminine side is what my irritability and quick temper are from as a by product of 40+ years hiding and trying to forget my feminine self. I will have a better idea of this by Monday next week, I hope. If I am still in a happy state then I am on my way to the best anger management possible……the ability to present as feminine and the beginning of my real self in mind and soul with the body to follow, lol.
One other thing we discussed was Keeping my genitals after HRT. I do not hate them. In fact I enjoy making love to my wife so this adds another layer of complexity to the thought of transitioning. There are substitutes for my penis but it is not the same thing for her or for me if I transition. Another point of possible contention over Transitioning is totally in her court. Will she stay married to me if I transition? Is there a soothsayer in the house? Tea leaf reader? Crystal ball madam? No? Then that is a bridge to cross if we get to that point in the future. Until then I will be who I am, who I have always been, even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself until recently. I was born as a boy and until 7 I was all boy. Then I met a pair of panties and the world changed without my full knowledge, not until my teen years. and discovering masturbation. did I find out that what I have been doing is not the social norm. It was considered to be deviant and behavior most foul! But how could something so pretty be so horrible? No one must know of the beauty I have found within myself and in such a small frilly satiny piece of a garment. Panties are so pretty and feels so soft how can my behavior be so bad especially when it all feels so good. So I must now hide what I do with myself alone in the dark like some criminal who is hounded by the deviant police.
Fast forward a few years and my horrible deviant behavior is revealed because my hiding spot is uncovered by my parents. Did I get a punishment to fit the crime most foul? No! I was shown mercy and all because my mother knew all along that I wore pretty panties and loved the feel of them. My father had just one question, you can guess the question because we have all been asked this one by our GGs, out SOs. Are you gay? My answer was, of course in my own eyes and my love of females, NO! That was the last it was spoken of. I married and went into the military to prove I was a man and to provide for my growing family.
Fast forward 10 years and after leaving the military a divorce follows because I was gone so often in the military and wife #1 was lonely. Enter ex best friend here and insert much profanity and anger!!! Normal military marriage and ending for so many like mine. Enter wife #2 and for the next 20 years of marriage I had bare snippets of hose, panties and heels (which were discarded before I was found out) and a vicious cycle of buy and purge. Then another divorce because I was irritable and had a short temper so she did not love me anymore. For the next 2 years I was single and had amassed a wardrobe complete with breast-forms, corset, and all of the other accouterments to look feminine. I meet wife #3, explain my love of dressing feminine, a crossdresser! She accepted within limits and we married and I purged trying to be a good husband again. 6 1/2 years go by and I need to talk to her about Danielle. She opens up some and then she has time to see how happy I am when I put on hose, panties and heels. Now we are to this past Tuesday and her revelation that in order for me to be truly happy I must be able to become my feminine self, as I am inside feminine.
Well there it is. All of it without some details which would have made this a book instead of a magazine article, lol. I hope you don’t mind but I do have a few questions regarding HRT and the surgery for facial reconstruction and ultimately a sex change. I write all of this so there is a bit of history for you to think about, get some humor, and see where I and my wife stand at this moment on the brink of my journey beyond dressing.
Okay – HRT how is it administered? Pill? Shots? Combination? Creams? I am in the dark (hence the need to research:)). What should be the outcome of HRT in a perfect world? What has been your outcome (if it is not too personal, thanks)? Can I take Testosterone and Estrogen together? (I know a doctor can answer this one but I don’t think I want to involve my family doctor just yet) Surgery – what is the basic timeline and steps involved, thanks?Was this boring? Bwahahahahahahahaha got you! Anyway I thank you so much for reading this jumble of my life such as it is and I hope to hear from someone, anyone….is there anybody out there? Love Pink Floyd! So long and toodles. Hugs and love
Danielle
Danielle….forgot to mention……as for HRT….different meds and applications tailored for your specific situation. Testosterone is to be knocked back considerable and estrogen boosted. Eventually testis will be removed all together. There are lots of videos on medical sites and You tube and do hope you are not squeamish. Steady on.
Dame Veronica
[quote quote=7266]Danielle, I donβt know about taking E and T together. I do know some who take viagra to keep things happening while doin a fantastic job of feminizing. Maybe some other members have experience, but youβll need an endocrinologist to do things safely.
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Thank you so much Cloe,I think you are correct after a bit of research on my part of the HRT process. There are antiandrogens (I think that is the T blocker) to suppress the production of T. Viagra was one of my thoughts too and of course I will be going through this with the advice and support of medical professionals. Love and hugs
Danielle
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