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I maintained my “deep, dark secret” for 55 years of life, 32 years of marriage, and the birth of five beautiful children. I never told anyone that I was, and had always been female. But that day, December 7, 2009, I found that I could no longer manage this on my own. I had to tell someone or this torture was going to destroy me.
My wife and I were driving and I forced myself to tell her that the man she had married was not the person she had thought. I was terrified…I couldn’t breathe…how would she react…would she accept me…would this be the end of the most wonderful relationship of my life. She took my hand and waited patiently for me to say what I so needed to say. I told her that throughout my life, I had always believed that God had made a mistake when he created me. That He had given me the body of a male…but the soul of a female.
Everything was quiet for a moment.
And then my beautiful wife…the love of my life…patted my hand and said, “Well, that explains a lot!”
Dawn
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Oh my what a lovely moment. Thank you for sharing Dawn. I wish you both the best of life to come.
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Thanks Jasmine! Sadly, this doesn’t have a happy ending. My “Full Disclosure” occurred in 2009. My beautiful wife passed away in 2015. In the years in between, she really struggled with my being Transgender. I told her later that I wished I had never told her as all I accomplished was to make my “deep, dark secret” her “deep, dark secret”. But she was so very special. As she approached her death, she was worried about me and, near the end, told me to “go for it”.
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0What a heart breaker. I could not imagine. I donot want to imagine. I am so sorry. I hope you go for it . She wanted you to be happy. I know that love from a woman . I have it . She is funny . She knows everthing about me . I would not be surprised if she knew everthing i was writing . She is just waiting to see what I am going to do and how far i plan on going. Dawn you have been so blessed to find that kind of true love Stephanie
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Hi Stephanie!
Thank you for your beautiful response to my post. And you are so very right. When my wife died, a friend of her’s told me how blessed we were. She said you both had the love of your life for 37 years…most people don’t experience that depth of love for 37 minutes.
it sounds like you are equally blessed and that gives me great joy!
Dawn
P.S. I am going for it. I am scheduled to begin Hormone Therapy in early October!
Hi Dawn,
Sorry for your loss. I loss my wife 19 yrs ago. She knew I was a crossdresser, but neither one of us knew I was transgender or that I wanted to be a woman, full time, at that time. Life can be really shitty.
Love Ya,
Vicki E.1 user thanked author for this post.
Hi Vicki!
Thank you…I am sorry for your loss as well. It has been just a short of 4 years for me and I’ve learned that there are some things in life you just never really get over…you simply carry them.
My wife never saw me dressed. After my “Full Disclosure”, I guess I hoped that she would give me that opportunity but she never suggested it and I felt I had laid enough on her for one lifetime. I think she tried to understand, but it was simply too big a stretch for her. She was an ER nurse and, in her work, had always referred to people like me as “he/she’s”. I was thankful that finally, after all those years, she finally knew who I was and was still able to love and not reject me. But, we rarely spoke of my being transgender again. I often wonder where I would be on this journey had such not been the case.
Dawn
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What a beautiful moment that must have been. I know if it were me I would have had to stop driving (she always let me handle that chore). The risk involved and the bravery to even start the first sentence are beautiful in their own right. You are beautiful, Dawn.
Hugs, Cloe
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Thank you Cloe, it was a beautiful moment. While she never really understood what I was struggling with, she loved me with all of her being.
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