Gender Fluid VS Transgeender

[Andrena]

Hi

I consider myself TG (as well as Bi), as I feel predominantly female, and am constantly mistaken for a female, with the usual stares from those who are trying to assess my gender.

Some days I really want to start the physical transition process,  to be female physically, others, I wonder if it’s a step too far for me. Has anyone else experienced this?  Most of the time I feel out of place in my male body, as I have always related to women far more than men.

I have come out to my sons, and some of my work colleagues as TG, as I feel that defines who I am.

I am probably what would be labelled as Gender-fluid, though I ideally prefer to present as female most of the time, especially at home. So, maybe not so fluid in that respect.

I would love to chat and make some new friends here, so please feel free to message me or send a friend request.

[DeeAnn Hopings]

Andrea:

Glad you found us! I hope that being here is a good experience for you.

Gender Fluidity is an interesting concept. From a laywoman’s viewpoint, I liken it to multiple personalities in the sense that it isn’t really understood (as far as I know) what the process is that brings about the change in perspective. From what I’ve seen, some want to consider the concept of being transgender separate from being gender fluid. Obviously they are two different concepts, but it is hard for me to consider being gender fluid without being transgender. Just my opinion anyway.

However, my guess (and please consider my earlier disclosure) is that you are not gender fluid. Gender fluidity involves changing ones perspective from being cisgender to being transgender and back and forth. From what I’ve seen, people do sometimes vacillate between feeling the need to transition and then not, but I suspect that it isn’t accompanied by  thinking that one is or isn’t transgender. Your perspective as to how you view your gender at any given point in time would need to change; from male to female and back again.

Anyway, what I said is not intended to be definitive. I’m a retired engineer and not a therapist! But, hopefully what I said may be thought provoking. Let me know what you think…

 

 

[Andrena]

Thanks DeeAnn, that makes things a lot clearer and confirms my initial thinking that I am TransGender, with the tendency to vacillate over transitioning as you said. I definitely FEEL that I am TG too. I am still working out how that is going to progress for me, but for now I am just enjoying the mental and emotional freedom that declaring being TG is bringing me.

[DeeAnn Hopings]

Many have said, including me, that coming out represents an unburdening, if there is such a work. The weight that we carry just dissolves and that’s the thing about baggage. It is stuff that we fool ourselves into thinking that it is something to cling to, moment after moment, day after day. We carry it because we feel, on some level, that we must. Nothing could be further from the truth…

[Dana Munson]

Well said, DeeAnn!  “Unburdening” is a thing that can happen . . . and did in my case. In the months since I came out and started my transition, I actually feel “lighter” in an emotional sense (OK, I have lost some weight, too, so a bit lighter that way as well 🙂 ).  I suppose, though, whether we justifiably feel that we “have” to carry certain “baggage” depends on the relative importance we attach to external things which might be affected by our act of unburdening. What is a relief to ourselves may bring pain and stress to others.  At some point, in justice to ourselves, our own pain and discomfort make that a risk we simply have to take, at the same time naturally doing our level best to mitigate the consequences to others.

[DeeAnn Hopings]

Baggage isn’t something that we need to carry. It can manifest itself as guilt, trying to “fix” something from the past, regret and many other things that we feel the need to try to correct. However, we can’t change the past. All we can do is take the information gained and incorporate that into future decisions. But, while we can use that information to make better (hopefully) decisions, we have to realize that we cannot change what has previously occurred.

As always, it is a balance. True, our lives are connected to many others in many different ways. There is no perfect solution, but the hope is that those around us can realize why certain changes in our lives are very important and needed. We must always consider the pluses and minuses…

[Andrena]

So……

I have now answered my own wonderings. I will be starting on the transition process in the new year.

My therapist has already advised that this is going to be a physical and emotional rollercoaster, but I know I have to do this for me. No more living to please others.

[DeeAnn Hopings]

As always, it is not a sprint, but a marathon…

[Author]

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