Got Diagnosed

[Victoria Femme]

Got diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I’ve been seeing my psychotherapist for 2 years, and finally FINALLY came to accept this truth about myself. I told him everything. I unloaded it all. He was pretty surprised, but said there was no doubt about it.

I have my first appointment with a transgender specializing endocrinologist in two weeks. They even take my insurance.

I emailed my family doc of 15 years. asked her to dig up some of my records on testosterone, told her what I was doing. Unsurprisingly she was very supportive. She also knows my ex wife and takes care of my kids.

My boss was out sick today. I’ll tell her, and maybe HR next week. My boss said a long time ago she would support a transgender employee. My company is super progressive.

I’m extremely lucky to have the support network I do. I don’t know if I would be able to do this without all of those pieces.

I live in a big populated part of the country. I don’t have to go anywhere that I feel is unsafe. I’m older and wiser and truly don’t care what misery spews from some lower form of society may say. I am truly free of that pain, or as much as one can be.

Im not looking forward to telling my teenage kids next weekend. I raised them to be open and accepting to everyone. I’m really worried that seeing their dad turn into a woman, changing inside and out, seeing who I really am, will be too much to bear. Tho they will also see the beauty of transformation, and realize that it will make me a better person for them.

My daughter can’t keep a secret to save her life. She will invariably tell her mom, and she will tell everyone. which includes people I work with. So after I tell my kids I’ll call my sister, and then the close friends. And at that point, I don’t really care who knows.

I kinda feel sorry for non trans people in a way. They only get to experience life from one perspective. Locked into a view they’re unable to see more from. I’m really looking forward to experiencing the other side. What an envious experience we get to have. It’s a shame so many people are too insecure and miserable to appreciate the experiences of others

I still have moments of time where I think this is a huge horrifying mistake. Fortunately it doesn’t  last more than half an hour at most. I am quickly distracted by the thoughts of being able to finally live the life I have always wanted.

Some funny thoughts (maybe to me only) I had the last couple days. I’ll be able to use the word, fabulous. Which I plan to wear out from overuse. I will finally be able to wear the Halloween costumes I always wanted. Even though I am not attracted to men at all, I am going to do the deed with one. I just have to know what that’s like. And finally, it takes balls to be a trans woman.

I know the road ahead will be very hard at times. I hope it doesn’t hurt me too much, but I’ve survived a lot of hard tests in my life. I’m ready for this. I can’t wait to see the other side.

 

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