Hanging on by a Thread

[Candy Cox]

How many feel like they are hanging on by a thread? I’m 62, and I know I will not transition.

There is a cycle to my life, throughout the week- an ebb and flow. Gender dysphoria rising and falling.

I can express my true self by getting away on the weekend days. It’s so tremendous, I’m happy and content. Monday’s are tough, I feel defeated, hard to concentrate. As the days pass by, my spirit rises, I’m able to press on, knowing life can be good. Friday brings a happy groove! A beer at the local watering hole after work kicks off the celebration.

On a summer day, at the lake, picnic lunch, a book to read, it’s nice. Wearing a skimpy outfit, to maximize my tan, girly as can be! I fit in with the crowd- concession stand, ladies room, beach front. This day I’m fulfilled, this day I’m complete, I express as a woman, since I am.

I see many here that have transitioned, living life as the woman that they always knew they were. Woman who have fully realized their fulfilled self. That sounds so wonderful to me!

Are there other girls here in a situation similar to mine? Any struggle to forge ahead? Are you content, perhaps resigned to your station in life? Got any advice?

Thank you all, Candy

[Stephanie Kennedy]

Hi Candy I am sure there is many that can relate including myself. Transitioning is a very personal decision. You and only you can make that decision. Like any decision especially  a complete change in life and gender requires alot of in put from professionals. Starting with a good therapist. Some one you can trust . I changed therapist 3 times . I just did not feel comfortable with the first two.  I was told by one of them I was definatly a woman only after three sessions and she began recommending voice therapy and could suggest some one she knew and a Primary Dr. Etc etc. Just too fast for me. First of all she told me i was a woman i did not tell her i was a woman. I did not know anything at the time. I was just so confused and hanging on a thread like you said. Start at the beginning and take your time. Find a good therapist. Get involved with those from our community. There are private support groups and social clubs out there. If you have to drive two hours to join then drive two hours. Find a friend to share your thoughts and concerns. There are so many avenues that are available to you today. Most of all take deep breaths and Just relax and take your time.  There is never enough time to do things wrong. There is always enough time to do things right. I truly understand. It is not easy . When you see those who have transitioned or are in the middle of transitioning. I too get a little anxious and a little envious. But most of all i admire their strength and courage for what they went through mentally before you could see anything physically. Luv Stephanie

[Candy Cox]

Thank you Stephanie! You give some good advice as well as encouragement. I have read others talking of the confusing and navigating the many choices involved.

I shave all over- that helps the body dysphoria. It makes me happy to be smooth with silky soft skin. My hair is grown out, I wish I could have it shoulder length! I keep my nails long, although they have been breaking this winter, need more hand lotion more often.

As to clothes: only panties every day; two pairs of cowgirl boots, Brown and black; lots of women’s turtleneck blouses, no one realizes their ”gender”; four button up dress shirts with girly flower print, from the men’s dept no less; my shoes at work are cute model of women’s Sperry topsiders.

All of that helps, work days half en femme! Some guys snicker. We had a co-worker announce her transition, she was laid off when some others were too, thinly veiled discrimination. I was SO sad to see her go, I had went out to coffee with her the day she came out- had to tell her we were sisters!

I have a transgender woman friend, we hang out on the weekend, she’s my godsend! We are totally transparent with each other. That’s my best help.

Hugs

[Author]

Posts