Heavy questioning

  • Creator
  • #102935
    Aoife Mary M.

    Hi everyone,

    I have been active in CDH for a while now, and have been delving into this side of myself more and more and feel like I need more conclusion. If you are familiar with me from there, you know that I am not actively dressing en femme and have come out to my wife as a CD to little success. I am usually happy in my life as a man and everything I have built is genuine. Even if I am perhaps not living as my genuine self, this marriage, child, etc. is no show.

    However, I still think about it every day. I have delved deeper and deeper into the experiences of later transitioning women and the moments of clarity and really feel that I at least need to know myself. I think truly communicating as a woman may help more than just being in a CD community. I have no trans friends as it has been hard for me to connect with any beyond the hard to believe assertion that “I may be one of you.” I still feel a lot of embarrassment that I may just be a troubled guy looking for an easy solution, so here I am trying to build a connection.

    As for me, beyond any gender I am a musician trying to get back into playing more (not exactly professionally) and my tastes gravitate towards towards loud folk rock, experimental, and psychedelic to start with. Also getting back into art house cinema lately, so if anyone’s into that kind of thing I would love to connect.


    Hearts and rainbows,


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  • Author
    • #103033
      Terri Anne

      Hi Aoife,

      Welcome. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore to your heart’s content.

      The warmth and hospitality of our site is just awesome.

      You will make many friends here and one day will say to yourself ” I am home”.

      Please do make use of the forums, articles and public chat room and friendships offered here.

      As a member, you can contact any of us via private messages.

      Also, you may find what you need such as help by using the links in the R/H drop down 3 bar [hamburger ] menu.

      Thanks for your participation on the site.

      Regards, Terri Anne, Ambassador

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #102941
      DeeAnn Hopings


      Yes, it is a matter of understanding yourself and your situation. Many here have benefited from working with a therapist. The idea is to help you uncover your truth. It’s in there somewhere, but as there is a potential for upheaval in your life, your mind will try to work towards minimizing your stress level. However, that won’t help you figure anything out. A therapist will help you stay focused on what you need to think about.

      But, there is one important thing. The therapist that you find needs to have experience in gender issues. There are many good therapists out there, but not everyone has experience and interest in gender issues.

      On the web site for the Psychology Today magazine is a searchable database of therapists around the country. That’s a good place to start.

      I also suggest that you do a search for LGBT centers in your area. Many offer counseling services for trans people.

      Thanks for completing your Profile page. Remember that you can update it at any time.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #102964

        next time i look for a therapist – which will hopefully be soon i will be keeping gender issues in mind. it’s really clear how much my current one doesn’t get it. that was frustrating, but i’ve got a whole lot of other things that need help too.

        • #103238
          DeeAnn Hopings

          Until you start peeling the onion, it is hard to say what the impact of gender identity may be in your life. I suspect it may have some effect, but is it a lot or a little or somewhere in between? If the person you are working with doesn’t have a good understanding of how gender issues play out, it isn’t surprising that it was a difficult experience…

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