Hello – 50yo MTF Just Starting to Come Out

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  • #126487
    Gerianne Allen
    Participant

    Hello. Where to begin? I’m 50yo, married for half my life with two grown sons (25 and 22). Just before last Thanksgiving, I sought out a counselor/therapist because I was done hiding this part of me that was yearning to live openly.

    Since I was 8yo I have wanted to be a girl. I use to imagine my bed was a machine that would transform my physical being into the correct form. I made a list of girls in my classes that would help me understand how to actually live as a girl.

    Later, I would try on my mother’s underwear and dresses and shoes when no one was around. Then later still, I’d buy my own and hide them so no one would see.

    At least 5 times I have purged a substantial acquired wardrobe out of fear my wife or kids would find and be less than accepting.

    Last December, I finally told my wife, but she took it hard. I had not prepared to tell her, so her frustration, anger and grief were unexpected. I somehow found a way to convince her that it was just a short-lived phase and I was still her manly husband.

    But deep down, I know. I’ve always known. And someday soon, I hope to find a way to live my truth openly, honestly and proudly.

    Until that time, I’m living this side in secret. But still learning, preparing, and seeking friends to help me along this journey.

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    Replies
    • #126618

      Hello, Gerianne,

      This isn’t as much a direct reply to your post as it is my thoughts that were triggered by it.

      It’s always astonishing to me how many of us on this site have suppressed this longing and sadness for half a lifetime or more, just trying to be responsible in our relationships to our loved ones and family and the society we live in. And we’ve been doing it since we were little girls. I think we must be damn good people.

      But there comes a time when even good, caring people have to take steps to free themselves and be who they are. Otherwise we may be lost forever.

      Gerianne, I can’t predict what will happen to you. Just take one step at a time and be the loving person I know you are. You will come out all right. Share with us going forward. We care.

      Love,

      Jane

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #126498
      Brielle
      FREE

      Hi Gerianne, I’m a bit older than you but have a similar story to yours. I came out to my wife as a crossdresser last july, one month before our 40th anniversary. She was empathetic, then angry and hurt. A couple of moths and therapy sessions later, I told her that a secret CD on occasion would not make me feel better – I needed to pursue HRT to ease how I felt inside. That set off a cascade of new fears and resentments and my wife felt like she couldn’t trust me or believe me for a while. She is still here, but there is no guarantee we’ll stay together. But as badly dysphoric as I’ve been we might not have made it anyway.

      I wish I could give you better news, but waiting to tell your wife probably won’t make it easier. Maybe discussing it together with your therapist would help. It may not be this way, but I’m afraid the longer you wait to tell her you need more than you are experiencing now will make it that much worse for both of you. It can get very brutal, but total honesty is the best thing for both of you, I think.

      PM me anytime if you want to chat privately. I’m not an “old hand” at this, and only a few months ahead of you in dealing with it, but I can at least let you know what didn’t work for me so you can avoid major pitfalls.

      Hugs,

      Brie

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #126638

        Don’t mean to be rude but I would really like to talk with you. I have a similar situation and have no one to talk to. Very overwhelming lately. Please reach out to me I could use some advice etc.

        thank you

        • #126805

          I’m sorry. I’ve been offline for a few days. But feel free to message me. Love to chat and/or share anyway I can.

          1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #126648
          Brielle
          FREE

          Hi Rachel, no you are not rude at all! The whole purpose for this site is for us to find friends and ask for advice, lend support or a kind word, and be good girlfriends!

          You can private message me and we can chat further. I have to warn you, my advice may be more of do as I say, not as I do – I’m making plenty of mistakes, but a lot is going better than I’d hoped or deserve (giggle).

          Hugs,

          Brie

          1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #126499

        Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I will definitely reach out. I know we all have unique journeys to take, but it’s always good to learn from others too. Hugs.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #126497
      Terri Anne
      AMBASSADOR

      Hello Gerianne,

      Welcome to our TransgGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
      The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      Glad you are here,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      ======= Here is a link to the MtoF Chat room: ========
      https://transgenderheaven.com/chat/mtf-transgender-chat/

      ======== TGH Membership PLANS ===================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/choose-your-plan/#link_acc-1-3-d

      =========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/

    • #126488

      Thanks for sharing.  I think this is an amazing place, and I have no doubt you’ll find that what we have in common is as reaffirming as the air we breathe.  Our stories may differ, but we are a sisterhood and are not alone.
      ~ Welcome 🙂

      3 users thanked author for this post.
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