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Spent a good deal of time pouring my heart out in a belated introduction last night then in an editing error deleted half of my post. Frustrated I gave up and will try again tonight.
After an agreement with my wife to pause transition I’m currently a frustrated trans girl suffering from intense gender dysphoria. Eight years ago my wife convinced me that I needed to seek therapy which I did. My therapist and I concluded that it was appropriate for me to start HRT. It was an exciting time and I felt a sense of great relief and joy at the start of this new journey. However, My wife who had obviously thought therapy would relieve me of my “confusion” and apparently expected some type of conversion therapy out of my therapist. She gave me an ultimatum of ending our marriage if I continued along this route. I agreed to pause my transition, an agreement that haunts me to this day. However, my wife has also had some major health issues in the meantime that has further complicated things. It’s a difficult position, I live in constant dysphoria but see no escape. If I lived in a vacuum and my life only affected myself and no one else, especially her, I’d initiate full transition immediately but this isn’t the case. Beyond this I know I would greatly benefit from ongoing therapy. However, my wife sees this as a gateway to transition which she absolutely opposes. Not expecting any answers here, just venting my frustration and ongoing sense of intense dysphoria with no realistic solution.
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