Hello from Austin, Texas

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    Topic
  • #134989
    Jessica BikerChick
    Participant

    Spent a good deal of time pouring my heart out in a belated introduction last night then in an editing error deleted half of my post. Frustrated I gave up and will try again tonight.
    After an agreement with my wife to pause transition I’m currently a frustrated trans girl suffering from intense gender dysphoria. Eight years ago my wife convinced me that I needed to seek therapy which I did. My therapist and I concluded that it was appropriate for me to start HRT. It was an exciting time and I felt a sense of great relief and joy at the start of this new journey. However, My wife who had obviously thought therapy would relieve me of my “confusion” and apparently expected some type of conversion therapy out of my therapist. She gave me an ultimatum of ending our marriage if I continued along this route. I agreed to pause my transition, an agreement that haunts me to this day. However, my wife has also had some major health issues in the meantime that has further complicated things. It’s a difficult position, I live in constant dysphoria but see no escape. If I lived in a vacuum and my life only affected myself and no one else, especially her, I’d initiate full transition immediately but this isn’t the case. Beyond this I know I would greatly benefit from ongoing therapy. However, my wife sees this as a gateway to transition which she absolutely opposes. Not expecting any answers here, just venting my frustration and ongoing sense of intense dysphoria with no realistic solution.

    6 users thanked author for this post.
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    • #135313

      A couple of new updates since my last post. First I just looked at the notes from my last annual physical and my primary care doctor listed the diagnosis code of “Transsexualism [F64.0].” I was very happy and a bit surprised to see this. I believe having this in black & white will be a start of good things when dealing with my insurance company! Next is that I have decided to return to therapy with a focus on my gender dysphoria. I know with my persistent and on-going gender dysphoria I would very much benefit from this. I have a strong feeling that I also should initiate HRT. Happily, I have access to the Crane Center just up the road. My obstacle continues to be my wife who steadfastly opposes any change… 🙁

    • #135017
      Barb
      BRONZE

      Sorry to read this, Jessica.

      I had a heart-to-heart with my wife a couple of years ago. She’s still with me and gets my feminine desires. I was never one to exude masculinity anyway, even when riding my cruiser! LOL!!

      Remember the old biker saying:

      Therapy is expensive,

      Wind is cheap!

      :Barb
      (Yammy Roadliner, 1854 cc!!)

    • #135016

      Spent a good deal of time pouring my heart out in a belated introduction last night then in an editing error deleted half of my post. Frustrated I gave up and will try again tonight.
      After an agreement with my wife to pause transition I’m currently a frustrated trans girl suffering from intense gender dysphoria. Eight years ago my wife convinced me that I needed to seek therapy which I did. My therapist and I concluded that it was appropriate for me to start HRT. It was an exciting time and I felt a sense of great relief and joy at the start of this new journey. However, My wife who had obviously thought therapy would relieve me of my “confusion” and apparently expected some type of conversion therapy out of my therapist. She gave me an ultimatum of ending our marriage if I continued along this route. I agreed to pause my transition, an agreement that haunts me to this day. However, my wife has also had some major health issues in the meantime that has further complicated things. It’s a difficult position, I live in constant dysphoria but see no escape. If I lived in a vacuum and my life only affected myself and no one else, especially her, I’d initiate full transition immediately but this isn’t the case. Beyond this I know I would greatly benefit from ongoing therapy. However, my wife sees this as a gateway to transition which she absolutely opposes. Not expecting any answers here, just venting my frustration and ongoing sense of intense dysphoria with no realistic solution.

      Hi Austin Texas.

      I read your post with interest I can sympathise with you I to am married just coming up to our 45th year we’re still together despite my wife knowing about Christy although she knows my delemia is she never wants to talk to me about it. Which makes me more depressed what with the dysphoria plus I also have multiple sclerosis which i rely heavily on my wife for support so I feel I have to be careful about rocking the boat to much.

      I hope you work things out with your wife

      All the best

      Christy from the UK

    • #135010
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Jessica:

      Glad you could join us!

      The set of circumstances that you describe is a classic “between a rock and a hard place” situation for transgender people. Unfortunately many think that our gender identity and sexual orientation are things that are changeable. They are not. While it is not conclusive yet, studies of brain scans have shown some interesting things. The brains of cis-gender people are similar to the target gender for transgender people. Indications suggest that this occurs before birth. If this does graduate to proven fact, conversion therapy will finally be shown to be useless.

      I will freely admit that I have no experience with this situation. However, let me ask a question. Are there any ways where you can get to experience Jessica in small doses? I’m working on the theory that “half a loaf is better than none“. Also, since you live in Austin, I would do an online search for transgender resources in your area. Many LGBT centers are still offering support groups and social groups online.

      Finally, thanks for completing your Profile page! I often have to remind people to do that. Remember that it will always be available and can be updated at any time.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #134999

      Isn’t it amazing how many of us find out about this when we’re married to a cisgendered mate. And isn’t it interesting that some of them don’t love us enough to support our decision to be ourselves.
      I was fortunate enough to be single when I discovered this, that I had gender dysphoria. It was only after 12 years of transition that I met my current spouse, and no one could be more supportive.
      I wonder what it is that these non supportive spouses find so frightening.
      Best wishes, Jessica.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #134998
      Rikki
      GOLD

      Hi Jessica

      I sympathize completely. Hang in there!

      Best regards

      Rikki

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #134995

      Hi Jessica

      I feel your pain, the dysphoria is relentless. If we lived in a vacuum it would make transition so much easier but with people depending on you it makes it much harder. It’s difficult not to feel selfish for wanting what’s best for you. I’m pretty much in the same boat but I haven’t told anyone that I would like to transition. I hope you find  a way to have happiness and contentment in your life

      Chrissy

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #134992

      Jessica ..you have made a Positive Step… by Joining US at TGH…
      Stay Strong…Be Your True Self. .
      We are Here For You…
      With Love Jessica M. 💕

      1 user thanked author for this post.
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