Hello I’m broken

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    • #124820

      Jessica… I Think You Are Doing Great…I’m SO HAPPY FOR YOU …

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      • #124822

        Aww…see i need friends like you all. You make me smile.

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        • #124838


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        • #124837

          Hello Jessica… It’s Jessica Maddison…and I want it be one of Your Friends…. Iam also having a Problem finding how to make a Friend Request… but I will keep trying… because this is Something I NEED TO DO… LOVE JESSICA M. 💕

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    • #124817

      Thank you all, SO MUCH. I am very much afraid. As one of you said, I HAVE TO transition. I need it. I’m choking to death. My Brother is just now getting over the horrible things I did in my addiction, he’s my best friend and I desperately need that to not change….I’m afraid it will. My mother will be in complete disbelief, but she will be supportive later…same with my brother’s wife…lol, I think that’s how it will go anyway. My dad can kiss my ass…he don’t get a say in the matter but that’s a story for another day. I’m lucky to not have a wife…kids however…I’m terrified. I am gay…I like girls. And I KNOW that I AM a girl… My head’s a wreck…lol. You girls are amazing. I love you all so much. Thanks for being here and for accepting me. I’ve never felt so much love from strangers…you’re not strangers I’m sorry…you’re sisters. I have an appointment to talk to a gender dysphoria counselor. It felt AMAZING to just ask for the help. The girl was very helpful and compassionate, and even started saying she/her to the other staff when referring to me. I know it’s a baby step but it felt REALLY good. Especially since these are my very first steps, and I’m an extremely ugly girl..hairy..etc. She’s even going to explain my need for transition before I even start. I’m so very happy right now. Especially knowing I have all of you.

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    • #124759

      Hello Jessica

      No you are not broken. I know how you feel about having things pulling in different directions. I am now almost 56 years old. I knew that I was a girl around 5 or 6. A couple times as a young child I was caught and the results were very bad. The lesson I took from it was to make sure I was never caught again. Due to that I lived a very tortured life trying to keep the girl buried. Finally about a year ago that flood gate broke. And I started to reflect and study the who and what I was inside. And came to grip. This summer I came out to my family and friends and then my community. It was the most fear I can’t begin to explain. But when I did it was not what I thought it would be. And the weight that was lifted from my shoulders and spirit was… Absolutely joy. Then I reached out for medical help. And I should be starting HRT this February. I’m trying to live female at all times. And look forward to going through surgery and being the women that I am. But also I am very blessed and thankful for the man that has kept me alive so that this day could happen. Please feel free to reach out at anytime if you want to talk. Hugs. Shiloh

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    • #124717

      Hi Jessica. You’ve come to the right place. I’ve received much love here.
      I’ve not experienced terror or even great fear so I can’t speak to that. I will say that I have experienced mild fear, anxiety, apprehension involving coming out. Revealing myself to my wife was not easy. It has not been easy for her. She’s being supportive. Even got me gift cards to buy dresses and women’s clothes in general. It’s still hard on her though. My daughters were easier because two of them are LGBT to begin with.
      My sister was very hard. And she struggled at first. But now she calls me Abby and refers to me as her sister. My nephew and nieces have been great. Right out of the gate they called me aunt Abby and expressed their support. They and one of my daughters took me for a girls lunch out. My nieces came over and picked out an outfit and did my makeup for me. I had so much fun. I love living as the woman I am. I wear my femme clothes and some makeup almost all the time.
      I have told some friends and they have been supportive. Most of my doctors know.
      The one time I can say I was a bit scared was telling my parents. I had all sorts of terrible scenarios running around my brain. But they took it pretty well. Maybe my age has something to do with that – I’m 61.
      I have not made a mass revelation yet. I have many friends on FB so I am going to post there once my wife is ready for that. Her family doesn’t know for one thing. I have already rewritten my draft for that post at least a half a dozen times! 😁🙄
      Anyway, I know many FB friends will be wonderful and supportive. But probably not everybody. Who knows what they might say or how they might talk behind my back? But in these latter years of my life I’ve had an “I don’t really much care what they think” attitude.
      Anyway, I don’t know what your terrors are (not sure how to get to your bio) but as with most fears it’s good to ask how realistic is the imagined bad outcome?
      Consider me a friend. I will do my best to be here for you.


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    • #124715

      Hello Jessica..You Are Not Broken
      And You Are Not ALONE….

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #124707

      Hi Jessica, I understand exactly how you feel. I was so tortured for much of my adult life. I’ve been married for 40 years and finally felt like I couldn’t bear up under the load of guilt, shame, fear, and sadness about not living the life I could be living. So, last July I revealed the crossdressing to my wife and we have been trying to figure things out. I realized in therapy that just being a closeted CD was not going to solve my anxiety and I actually need to transition. So, with my wife’s (grudging) support I started HRT after Thanksgiving. I don’t know how far I need to go down this path, but I do know I can’t hide my feminine side and it needs to be the predominant part of my life going forward.

      I don’t have any easy answers for you, but I do know since I’ve made the decision to prusue HRT I feel a lot more calm inside. But the guilt of hiding is replaced by the guilt that my marriage may not survive the process. We who transition need to remeber that our SOs are transitioning too. Not physically, but emotionally and psychologically for sure.

      Take care of yourself and realize that God loves us just as we are and it’s not “bad” to want a full life. I look at this as any other medical condition that can be treated by medicine, therapy, and maybe surgery to restore someone to health.

      DM me anytime, GF!


      Brielle 💋

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