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Hi.
My name is Jade. I think.
I grew up and live in New Mexico. My trade is art, mostly jewelry and sculpture.
I’ve been diagnosed with severe ocd.
I’ve been questioning since I was young… And I’m honestly not sure what I am. Sometimes I feel so Matt… Others… Very very Jade. Sometimes both at once…
I decided to accept myself and “begin transition” in April, but as I progressed, I felt more like this…
Sorry if that was too much for an introduction…
Anyway… It’s nice to be here… It seems like a nice place.
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Hi. I have similarly been very close to caring so little anymore too sad to see a mirror…that I have nearly died from the depression and hopelessness of feeling like a shallow imitation of myself. I hope you remain able to be who you are because nothing shines brighter than a whole soul =^_^=
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Hello Jade. Wow, your emotional fluctuations were so me before I started HRT. Due to a vasectomy that went too far (at that time) 15 years ago I had almost no natural testosterone in my system. With no intentions to transition at that time I took Testosterone injections for 12 years until I decided to transition. However, it was 3 years before I started HRT.
During that time I experienced extreme mood fluctuations. Though never officially diagnosed I thought I was bipolar. I did everything I could to try to control it including becoming OCD over everything as I tried to make order out of my life. Within 3 weeks of starting HRT my emotions settled out and I began to feel peaceful. There have been times since that I felt my emotions were getting out of control again but it was always related to having skipped my HRT meds for whatever reason.
The bipolar out of control feelings have made me a believer in the need to medicate our brains and body just like we do when we have other body diseases. During that three years before I started HRT I was frequently on the edge of the abyss close to ending my life. So when I tell others of my need to transition and take HRT to survive I know what I am talking about.
I am not diagnosing your condition but I am a firm believer now in the need to have a proper body chemistry and in the power of hormones.
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Hello, Jade. I would like to say two things. First, thank you for your post and for finding the courage to share with us. Second, the place that you seem to be in sounds like a familiar one to many of us. I can share that finding a gender queer positive therapist has made all the difference to me–although therapists can’t do the work for us! And, in my own case, being kind to myself when feeling frustrated or confused has been really important.
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Hello, Jade. Nice to meet you. I wish a pleasant journey for you as you make your transition. Jade is a pretty name. What was the inspiration behind this choice?
Big Hug.
Autumn
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- Thank you Autumn; that is a pretty name as well. How I came upon Jade, well… I just kinda closed my eyes, and saw myself standing there in my mind’s eye… And my name was Jade… It just popped up.
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Hi:
Good to have you!
What our actual gender identity is can be a difficult thing to sort out. Our minds will tend to go for the path of least resistance. For us, that means maintaining the status quo. In other words, no change. However, that doesn’t solve the fundamental issue of what out gender identity is. If we are truly transgender, it is likely that there will be some major changes in our lives going forward. A therapist who is versed in gender issues can be a big help in this process as it can be very difficult to do this on your own.
Anyway, I hope that your time here will be helpful. Also, I encourage you to finish your Profile page as it will help others understand where you are in your journey.
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