Help for straight females

Help for partners of cross dressers

Partner needs to be the girl

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Tanya Wick 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #32135

    Tanya Wick

    My fiance can only perform if he is dressed up, submissive and the girl. I go along with this but sometimes I want a man! He only told me recently and we’ve been together5 years! I wondered why he was never interested in sex! Help!?

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  • #32170
     Tanya Wick 

    Thank you for answering my question. I still don’t know what to do about our sex life though. Do I always have to make the first move and encourage him to dress as my ‘lesbian lover’?

    I don’t mind but not always!

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #32151
     Marianne Ferrara 


    Hello Tanya, thank you for your question.

    Besides the fact that human sexuality is a labyrinth, there may be some reasons for him behaving the way he did (i.e.: not talking about this need in the past) and “performing” the way the is, let’s try to identify as much as possible to give you both a good idea about what to talk about.

    1. There is a significant percentage of crossdressers that don’t want to transition; they only enjoy expressing their sexuality and/or identities, and they use the clothes of the other sex as a way to do it.
    2. He is your man. Unless there is a more profound need to change, he is and will always remain your man. More than 90% of the CDs ARE heterosexual, meaning, they DO like women and are sexually oriented towards them
    3. Why only now? We live in a world and some within a society that enforces, one way or another, the stereotype of men-pants, and women-skirts, men-starters, and women-receivers. Where anything that goes again that dual concept is frowned upon.

    I wouldn’t believe that he is not interested in sex at all, if any, I would believe that it’s actually how the sex is initiated. When men are more into being more “feminine,” sex becomes more sensual, more equal. I have no idea (other than what the very few lines that you wrote) about how is your intimate life, but those little words tell me that you are in a very common situation where he doesn’t feel totally open, and probably you have felt that there is something “that is not there, not happening”.

    Most of the men that are in that situation feel the need to be treated in a much more emotional way to reach the same level of excitement, think of this as being with a person that is more focused on feelings (which probably you already knew) than physical initiation.

    I am not sure about what you mean as “sometimes I need a man,” but I can imagine what you need. Maybe you both need to talk without prejudices and understand what both can give, what both can offer, and what would be the limits for both of you. Where would you both draw “a line” where you can have a great relationship, fantastic sex, and satisfy your needs? Does that place exist? If not, what would you both need to do or stop doing to get there?

    What would you both be willing to “sacrifice” to keep the relationship going forward?

    These, I know from personal experience, are not easy questions, and this is not an easy situation. But also, from personal experience, I can tell, that it can be done, and it is possible to succeed.

    These conversations must be held in absolute peace, respect, and open-mindedness. If at any point you find that it is not possible, I suggest that you seek a mediator that is not skewed to any side. Only someone that can act as a referee and that can help to keep the conversation on track.

    I suggest you both read this blog:

    And if possible, get in contact with Stana. She is an amazing person and may be able to point you in the right direction.

    I hope that my answer can help you somehow and that you can find a positive outcome.

    With all my love,


  • #32147
     Bobi Hegony 


    Dear Tanya,

    I have a simular situation. I am married. My wife is repelled by the idea of me dressing in lingerie, though I would like to. I recently read the book ‘Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies’ : Narratives of Autogynephilic Transsexualism, by Dr Anne Lawrence. It explained a lot to me about this issue that I needed to understand. My wife also read it. She has an understanding of my desire to be more female, and yet still doesn’t want me to wear lingerie when we make love. I find that understandable so refrain from it. When I was younger I had a girlfriend who liked to wear sexy clothing and would occasionally ask me to. I was thrilled by this. She would giggle at me though we both found it very exciting. It seemed normal to both of us. Each to their own, I guess

    There are other articles and websites that I have read. Anne Lawrence’s book was the most informative. She however, is despised by many as she sees this type of behaviour as a mental illness. ‘Autogynophila’ describes a man who wishes to see himself as a woman. Please let me know how you both progress.


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