Help me understand.

  • This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by Anonymous.
  • Creator
  • #89051

    I have created and deleted numerous accounts here as I have wrestled with the question “Am I transsexual?”.  I’ve returned hoping that this time I could answer that question once and for all.

    I have long accepted that I am a cross-dresser.  Depending on your definition of transsexual, you may say that being a cross-dresser makes me transsexual.  I get that, but the definition I am using involves transitioning to living full-time as a member of the sex opposite that of the one defined by ones chromosomes.  What I’ve noticed over the 30 years that I’ve been a cross-dresser is that the more I dress, the more passable I become, the more feminine I act, the more I want to have more experiences as a woman.  It’s not that I’ve ever felt that I was born in the wrong body.  It’s just that I have a seemingly insatiable curiosity about what it is like to be a woman.  Where will I draw the line?  I don’t know.  Am I heading toward transitioning?  Maybe.  I’m certainly not going to make any hasty decisions, because even with the curiosity that I feel, I am still enjoying my masculine life.

    I’d like to know what it is that drove those of you who’ve transitioned to make that decision.  Are you satisfied with your lives now?  Do you have any regrets?  Would you do anything differently?  I’m sure I will get a variety of answers.  I’m hoping that one or more of your answers will help me figure out what I really want to do.


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    • #89067

      Hi Stephanie

      The way I look at life, the universe and everything may well differ from many others, I don’t know, but I am supposedly sane, and a functioning person. I always knew that my physical husk and my spirit were not necessarily following the same path. But society’s pressure led me to deny the path of my spirit and follow that of my husk. The result was a broken spirit and a damaged husk.

      I dropped out if that society and took the time to gather evidence of what my life course should be. I clothed my husk to suit my spirit and I felt miraculously healed. I was not an effeminate man, I was a strong, physical woman. I have lived as that woman for 32 years now and I will leave this life as that woman. My husk has been altered by hormones but not by surgery. My name is feminine, and has been legally changed, but my legal gender has not. Do I care about that? No. I view that as a mis-spelling, a clerical error. I know I am a woman. I don’t need a civil servant to tell me. All I have to do is walk around where I live. I put down my roots here nearly 14 years ago. People here only know me as Jenni, the batty old artist. She’s liked and trusted as far as I can tell. She will do for me.

      Sorry if I have been rambling, and sorry if it doesn’t answer your question. You have asked a very good question

      Love, Jenni xxx

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #89059

      Thanks for your reply, DeeAnn.  Thanks for pointing out my misuse of the term “transsexual” too.  What I meant to say is that cross-dressers could be considered transgender depending on one’s definition of transgender.  I got the term transsexual in my head because of the name of this section of the Forum, “Am I transsexual?”  I’d edit my original post, but can’t find a way to do it.

    • #89053
      DeeAnn Hopings

      No, being a crossdresser does not fall under transsexual. That term is reserved for people who need to, or have already, transitioned. Many believe, and me included, that crossdressers do fall under the umbrella term of transgender. In effect, it means crossing gender boundaries.

      Similar to what you said, I never thought that I was in the wrong body. However, I came to realize that I am the amalgam of male and female perceptions and energies even though it took me decades to figure out what was going on. I consider myself to be transgender and non-binary. The vast majority of people that I have met here in the desert since I retired and relocated 4 1/2 years ago only know DeeAnn. They have never met Don. I have no plans to physically transition, but I have essentially socially transitioned. The only thing left to do would be to change my name, but that would be an upheaval that I don’t intend to experience.

      I think what needs to happen for all of us it to put conscious thought into how things sit for us now and how we think events may unfold in the future. The idea is to go where YOU want to go and not be swept along by events that you cannot control…

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