Hey girls!

[Jessica Wilde]

Hello everyone! I’m a trans woman looking for advice on my journey to becoming a real girl. I’ve just recently admitted to myself and my fiancé that I’m trans. I want real world advice for myself and for my fiancé on how this whole process works. I’ve known for many years that I wanted to be a woman but just now admitted it to myself and accepted it as my truth. I’m excited and terrified at the same time to start this journey. My fiancé is scared to death and doesn’t want to be with a woman but loves me dearly and wants me to be happy. She is sacrificing he happiness for me to happy and this is not at all what I want her to do. I want her to be happy also. I absolutely do not want her to sacrifice her own happiness for my happiness. I will sacrifice my happiness for hers. She was born into the right body. I was not. I can’t easily swap to the right body. She exists in her right body and mindset. My mindset and heart are feminine. I’m a girl and that’s the bottom line. It sux that my body doesn’t match my heart and soul but it is what is. Maybe one day I’ll get to be a girl.

[JAKe Hatmacher]

Hi, Jessica.

I wouldn’t be surprised if a whole lot of us have faced your dilemma of wanting happiness for the person you love and willingness to forego your own happiness to make that happen.

I can tell you in my case, it is hard to have a partner be happy if you are unfulfilled. I’m guessing she might have a very hard time staying, especially married, to someone who changes genders in the midst of a relationship. I witnessed one couple where “he” came out to his wife soon after being married. She, the original she, acted as if it was not a big deal, saying their generation has no problem with fluidity.  I lost touch with them but I sensed her words were not fully sincere, and I wonder if they are still now a couple.

Now, my story is my wife and I have been married for 43 years. We’ve had our children and they are grown and on their own. I finally decided I needed to live out the rest of my remaining life in the gender I could not be, that’s a separate topic, until now. My major concern was for her also. I didn’t want to destroy her friendships, her life, because of me.

I obviously don’t know how long you two have known each other and how deeply you care about each other, but the fact is you have not yet vowed yourself to each other. In light of the general rate of divorce is near 50% or greater, this strain may prevent marriage from ever happening.

You talk about loving her, and I hope you love yourself, too. To me, love needs to allow the best to happen for the one you you care for. If your loves are strong enough for each other and you can both flourish in a married partnership, then why not go for it, but if there is fear that this bond’s glue cannot hold you together because of your womanly desires, you may need to let each other go. You can still truly love each other and encourage each other as any two women can and stay very close, if not best, friends.

This is only an opinion based on the little you have provided. A solution to your concerns will most likely take some seep soul-searching  meditation, and thoughtful discussion with your fiance.

Good luck on your journey.

Jeri/JAKe

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