hey just need some advice

  • Creator
  • #89470
    Nora Vitiello

    <p style=”text-align: center;”>i recently came out as a trans women to my girlfriend of six months and she handled it really well. she was the first person i’ve ever told and it was just so liberating and reliving.  but i have these thoughts linger in my head every day:</p>
    – she’s not lesbian, so will she be attracted to me after i transition? after hormone therapy?

    -she fell in love with me as a man, will she still see me as one always?

    -although she’s accepting and understanding, i still feel like she expects a masculine role from me in our relationship which leaves little room for me to be feminine

    -we’ve only been dating six months, and she is already getting in huge fights with her family regarding my gender… is it worth it? is my gender identity worth jeopardizing her family life?

    -i love this woman but i feel like such a burden. is it healthy to put my relationship with her on break and just be friends while i come out/transition? the last thing i want to do is break her heart.


    this is my first post so i’m sorry if i’m using this site incorrectly, i’m just desperate to find people to talk to who understand the struggle i’m facing

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  • Author
    • #89497
      DeeAnn Hopings


      Some relationships and marriages continue and others do not. Some people are quite flexible, but others are not. I don’t know of anyway to predict the outcome, but it sounds like a combination of relationship and gender counseling might be useful. Even though they are separate issues, they are definitely intertwined…

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    • #89495
      Vanessa Torres


      Hi Nora. I think it’s great that she understands and is accepting. My advice is for the two of you have a sitdown and talk through everything that’s on your mind. You’re not a mind reader and neither is your girlfriend. Express your concerns about your relationship moving forward, but don’t break things off to transition. You need support and it seems like she is there to support you. Taking a break is taking the choice away from her to stay and be there for you. The same is true when she fights with her family about your gender. It’s her choice to defend you against her whole family. That’s a strong woman you got there. She’s your best friend and it seems like she loves you. Don’t push her away. Let her be there for you. As far as her not being a lesbian, don’t worry about that. If she loves you for who you are, she will stay with you. Love is love. I hope this helps. Please let us know how everything goes. You got this girl.

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