hi !!

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    Topic
  • #89186
    Kylar Moore
    Participant

     

    hello, my name is kylar! i’m a transgender male, and i honestly just need some help. i’ve known i was trans ever since i was 13. but, the real issue here is my family isn’t supportive AT ALL. they’re very homophobic, transphobic, you name it. i know for a fact they wouldn’t ever support me if i came out, as to when anything about LGBTQ+ is brung up, they say very cruel and disgusting things, which is why i feel very uncomfortable around them. i wish i could just start a brand new life and leave, but that’s just not an option at the moment. the only person who i think would support me is my mother, because a couple years back when i told her i might be bisexual, she didn’t seem that mad about it. that’s the only good thing i have going right now, but i know she would probably tell my grandma about it which would end very badly. the thought of having a very unsupportive family that would probably kick me out if they found out, makes me very depressed. i also once tried to convince my mom and grandma to let me get my hair cut, and they wouldn’t even let me do that. so, one night i ended up cutting it very short and i got yelled at and got told something along the lines, “why are you trying to be a boy? girls should have long hair, not short.” which caused me to become very upset. for the sake of my relationship with my family, i dressed up “girly” or “feminine” for them. i would wear dresses, put on makeup, things some people would think on how most girls act. but every time i did that, i would feel very uncomfortable and not my true self. i honestly can’t bare the site of my body, i can’t even look down at myself in the shower because i hate how i look so much. i feel so trapped in my body, so wearing feminine things so my family wouldn’t catch on made me hate myself even more. i can’t even look in the mirror anymore because i’m just so disgusted at what i see. i just wish i was born a male so i wouldn’t have to deal with this, but that’s never gonna happen, obviously. i just feel so lost and i don’t know what to do. any advice?

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    • #89242
      Stephanie Mac
      Participant

      FREE

      Kyla,

      I am truly sorry to hear how much pain you’re in.  It cannot be easy, just know that this community is full of great people.  Talking will help.  I am not qualified to give a deep level of advice, however life is made up of little choices, and don’t ignore the butterflies…those are the memory makers (quote from Brian Reagan).  If you follow your heart and be true to yourself, you will be okay.  I know its tough when you’re young, and it’s tough when you’re a bit older too…I am going through feeling of questioning my gender constantly…but as long long as you keep making little decision after little decision and taking one day at a time and finding people to talk to, you will feel better about being you, whichever gender that may be.  Hope that helps.

       

      Steph

       

    • #89209
      Stephanie Green
      Participant

      FREE

      Hi, Kylar.  Thanks for sharing your story.  I am a MtF cross-dresser who is trying to figure out if I am actually TG.  Aside from seeking friendship and support here and over at Crossdresser Heaven, I am keeping things to myself until I am sure I know what I want to do.  I don’t think I’m qualified to be giving advice specifically about how you should proceed with dealing with your family.  Generally speaking, when I am preparing to make an important decision, I take my time, get as much information I can concerning the decision, and make sure I am prepared for whatever consequences may arise from my decision.

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