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hello, my name is kylar! i’m a transgender male, and i honestly just need some help. i’ve known i was trans ever since i was 13. but, the real issue here is my family isn’t supportive AT ALL. they’re very homophobic, transphobic, you name it. i know for a fact they wouldn’t ever support me if i came out, as to when anything about LGBTQ+ is brung up, they say very cruel and disgusting things, which is why i feel very uncomfortable around them. i wish i could just start a brand new life and leave, but that’s just not an option at the moment. the only person who i think would support me is my mother, because a couple years back when i told her i might be bisexual, she didn’t seem that mad about it. that’s the only good thing i have going right now, but i know she would probably tell my grandma about it which would end very badly. the thought of having a very unsupportive family that would probably kick me out if they found out, makes me very depressed. i also once tried to convince my mom and grandma to let me get my hair cut, and they wouldn’t even let me do that. so, one night i ended up cutting it very short and i got yelled at and got told something along the lines, “why are you trying to be a boy? girls should have long hair, not short.” which caused me to become very upset. for the sake of my relationship with my family, i dressed up “girly” or “feminine” for them. i would wear dresses, put on makeup, things some people would think on how most girls act. but every time i did that, i would feel very uncomfortable and not my true self. i honestly can’t bare the site of my body, i can’t even look down at myself in the shower because i hate how i look so much. i feel so trapped in my body, so wearing feminine things so my family wouldn’t catch on made me hate myself even more. i can’t even look in the mirror anymore because i’m just so disgusted at what i see. i just wish i was born a male so i wouldn’t have to deal with this, but that’s never gonna happen, obviously. i just feel so lost and i don’t know what to do. any advice?
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