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Hi I’m Charlotte and to give you some idea of who I am it took me a good 5 minutes before I could bring myself to type anything in as a title and then spent 15 minutes rewriting it. Hence “Hi”.
I am 39, in the UK (Wales actually) and as far back as I can remember there was always a draw towards the feminine but then puberty (and the internet) hit and I knew something ‘more’ was up. I fought my way through the hormonal mess of puberty and was starting to form some sort of identity out of all this when I rather tactlessly got seriously ill, spent the next 20 years in and out of hospital, was mostly stuck in bed either in agonizing pain or zonked out my mind on painkillers and developed a whole host of other medical problems. My life as a whole just got stuck in limbo.
Then about 2 years ago things started to get better, which was nice. Things have continued, very slowly on a more positive path than before and there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I’m still “ill” and always will be but finally I’ve started to be able to live a little as well (thanks to a truly huge number of medical professionals of all types many of whom I still see regularly.)
Covid happened so I had even more time on my hands than usual and I started to think about what I wanted to when this was all over. The one thought that kept coming back to me was I wanted Charlotte to live a little. So I used the time to get more ‘serious’ about skin care, putting together an actual wardrobe not just random bits I’d impulse bought off amazon, learning how to create a real make up look rather than just putting it on, telling a really close friend (which has gone soo much better than I expected, I have no plans on ‘coming out’ to anyone else right now for lots of reasons but having an ‘ally’ in this fight has proved to be a huge source of strength) and well now I am here.
Because as wonderful as my friend has been I need more ‘specialist’ help as it were, I need to talk to other Trans women, to you. It is really important to me to get this right, I know it might not seem like a big deal nowadays but its not long till I am 40 and when you’ve lost 20 years already that seems like a mightily big number to be honest. Perhaps this is my mid-life crisis, I hope not I really fancied a red Porsche (not that I am allowed to drive right now but I was planning for at least 4 Facebook albums of me sitting in it/standing near it/cleaning it/walking past it with NO idea its there at all as the photo was taken and so on) tp be honest what I really think it is is actually the end of my patience. Because I need this and I can’t afford to wait anymore to get it.
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