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Hi everybody, I’m Alyssa!
Well not yet, as I’m just getting started. I’m 40, assigned male at birth, from California originally but I’m now in Oklahoma. The pandemic and a mental/sexual “epiphany” made me reconsider a lot of current and past situations, mannerisms, events and emotions. I’m seeing them now with a new acceptance and love for myself. Everything I do to explore my femme side, Alyssa, feels so good. I’m happy but…
I am very much in love with my wife, Lucy. She is my soulmate and we have been through good and bad times in our 8 years of marriage and still generally are quite happy. Our sex life could be better, but that’s another story.
What I am looking for help with is help figuring out the words to say to Lucy when I come out as MtF maybe to her, and how to understand and accept her reactions. I’m terrified that coming out to her will be devastating for her. She is going to feel betrayed. And the longer I wait, the more upset she may be getting.
She is very accepting and open person, don’t get me wrong. But, this may completely blindside her. Or maybe it’ll all make sense to her and our life will be even better.
I am seeing my therapist tomorrow for our second appointment (first one was awesome). I’m so excited because my therapist gave me homework to pick something feminine to wear and bring it with me to our next session. I chose a small collection of makeup and brushes so I’m hoping she will help put makeup on. I also want to get a small hair clip for my hair, like maybe in the Girls department of wally world. She said I could keep whatever items I brought with her in the office so it will be less likely for my wife to inadvertently find them. I still present completely masculine, with a goatee (blech that I secretly hate).
Gosh this turned out to be long. Thanks to those who read through it all. I apologize in advance for errors in spelling or grammar.
Thank you, its great to be part of this community!
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