Hi I’m Jacy

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  • #126842
    Jacy Kat

    Hi I’m Jacy. I’m 46 and just last year have started to accept myself for who I truly am. I have known since I was a child that I felt like a female. I was teased and made fun of for looking too feminine and then became too scared to let that side of me out and it stayed that way for decades.

    When I found out about male puberty and what it was going to do to me I was terrified. I didn’t want any of that but at the time I thought it was inevitable and nothing could be done about it. I tried to embrace it on the outside to pretend to fit in but inside I felt like I was dying. Then I grew to 6 ft 5 and my mindset was that I could never possibly be a woman but oh if I have facial hair I must be a typical man, right?

    I tried to just fit into the mold that everyone expected of me and tried to pretend that I was the perfect son and man and tried to bury my feelings deep down inside. I still tried to wear women’s clothing and makeup and would occasionally paint my nails and toes but felt like I had to keep that part hidden and was terrified of anyone finding out about it.

    I went through a 12 year marriage and divorce and ended up feeling completely dead inside because I was living the life that everyone expected not what I truly was. Then in 2020 I started getting the urge to paint my toes again and all of the old feelings started to resurface. Things started to build to a boiling point, and I felt as if I continued to live the lie that I was living I was just going to explode and it wasn’t going to end well. I made the difficult decision to stop pretending and embrace who I really was. In October 2021 I started on HRT.

    I have been slowly coming out and making progress but I’m still fighting the feelings of being scared about it and it’s hard to come out of the comfort zone. But for the first time in my life I actually feel like I can be truly happy and I no longer hate the person looking back at me in the mirror. I’ve been living non-binary in day to day life but as time goes by I want less and less to do with the male side of me.


    If you made it this far thank you for reading and thank you for the opportunity to be a part of this group.


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