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Hi I’m Jacy. I’m 46 and just last year have started to accept myself for who I truly am. I have known since I was a child that I felt like a female. I was teased and made fun of for looking too feminine and then became too scared to let that side of me out and it stayed that way for decades.
When I found out about male puberty and what it was going to do to me I was terrified. I didn’t want any of that but at the time I thought it was inevitable and nothing could be done about it. I tried to embrace it on the outside to pretend to fit in but inside I felt like I was dying. Then I grew to 6 ft 5 and my mindset was that I could never possibly be a woman but oh if I have facial hair I must be a typical man, right?
I tried to just fit into the mold that everyone expected of me and tried to pretend that I was the perfect son and man and tried to bury my feelings deep down inside. I still tried to wear women’s clothing and makeup and would occasionally paint my nails and toes but felt like I had to keep that part hidden and was terrified of anyone finding out about it.
I went through a 12 year marriage and divorce and ended up feeling completely dead inside because I was living the life that everyone expected not what I truly was. Then in 2020 I started getting the urge to paint my toes again and all of the old feelings started to resurface. Things started to build to a boiling point, and I felt as if I continued to live the lie that I was living I was just going to explode and it wasn’t going to end well. I made the difficult decision to stop pretending and embrace who I really was. In October 2021 I started on HRT.
I have been slowly coming out and making progress but I’m still fighting the feelings of being scared about it and it’s hard to come out of the comfort zone. But for the first time in my life I actually feel like I can be truly happy and I no longer hate the person looking back at me in the mirror. I’ve been living non-binary in day to day life but as time goes by I want less and less to do with the male side of me.
If you made it this far thank you for reading and thank you for the opportunity to be a part of this group.
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Hello Jacy,
Welcome to our TransgGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.Glad you are here,
Terri Anne, Ambassador======= Here is a link to the MtoF Chat room: ========
https://transgenderheaven.com/chat/mtf-transgender-chat/======== TGH Membership PLANS ===================
https://transgenderheaven.com/choose-your-plan/#link_acc-1-3-d=========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/1 user thanked author for this post.
Hello Jacy,
Welcome to our TransgGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.Glad you are here,
Terri Anne, Ambassador======= Here is a link to the MtoF Chat room: ========
https://transgenderheaven.com/chat/mtf-transgender-chat/======== TGH Membership PLANS ===================
https://transgenderheaven.com/choose-your-plan/#link_acc-1-3-d=========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/1 user thanked author for this post.
Hello Jacy , Β I’m 64 now and made the official plunge at 61 in Bangkok by my self and like many need revisions an on going expense , crap , but I like being me and I’ve shrunk a bit from 6 ft. 1 in. with old age SOB Ha ! Β , it never ends really but ” I am who I am ” as Popeye would say – I had my right vocal cord damaged the second time at the Kamol Hospital and would never go back to them , I’ve traveled the world to be me on my own and don’t give a damn what other people think Fk’m all – one thing that will counter act your height is to have a Wendler Glottoplasty of your voice – the two most important things are facial looks and the sound of your voice , if you achieve these two areas you’ll be in the club of acceptance despite height at 6ft. 5 in. – Β be who you want to be ” life is too short ” Β XO -an Β old trans now that’s been there an done all this sh#t and still working on it Β , Krystal G, BC , Canada
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