Hi, I’m….not sure


  • This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Willa.
  • Creator
  • #126908

    Hey all

    I’m at, what feels like, a critical point in self gender discovery.Β  I came out to my wife that I think I’m non-binary a year ago. She was pretty cool with it, but said we had to keep it to ourselves and we’d get through it together.

    She’s had some terrible health issues recently, I’m reeling from a parental suicide, suffering from gender dysphoria (during a global pandemic) and I’ve realised I’m not coping too well.

    I’ve come out to my GP. Am on a 4/5 year waiting list for the UK’s gender identity clinic. Have gone into gender specialised theorpy and I’m a few weeks away now from speaking to a private clinic in regards to help and the possibility of hormones.

    I’ve been reading a lot about micro dosing and think this could help align me with where I should sit on the gender spectrum. The emotional side of femininity is what I want to be closer to.

    The possible physical changes are confusing me currently. I can’t decide how I’d feel about breasts.Β  My wife has said it’s a definite no. So there’s a chance of ruining a 20 year relationship.

    I also don’t want to keep living this lie. Now knowing who I am, and coming out, I want to live the rest of my life feeling the way I should.

    But taking the pills seems selfish.

    It’s a tough one.


    Anyway, I’m here to see if anyone can help and to see if others have experienced similar situations and to get advice.


    Thanks in advance and I look forward to being here.





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  • Author
    • #127167

      Hi Willa,
      I knew at 7 yrs old that I should of been born a female and grew up with an emotional side of feminity. I also buried feelings deep down inside so that I could try to fit the male role.
      In my case, nobody knew anything about me being a transgender, until I left it out 50+ yrs, while in prison. I had been married twice and neither ex-wives or children know about me being a trans woman.
      I seem to not mind having breasts because I like them and I am used to having them. I want to enjoy the rest of my life being who I wanted to be – a female. Please tell me about microdosing.

      • #127168

        Hi. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I was very small when I had my first interaction with fem paraphernalia. When I tried to do more of it, it was dealt with swiftly and harshly by my father. So learned to blend in with the other boys.

        I’m currently on the fence about breasts. That’s why microdosing, I think, is for me.

        The amount you take is far lower than someone wishing to fully transition. Often without blockers.

        Physical changes may or may not occur. But doing it over a long period would probably see development of breasts.Β  The amount of research into it is tiny and finding case studies and first hand reports slim.

        This article is pretty good at outlining the basics.



    • #127113

      Hello Willa,

      Welcome to our TransgGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
      The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      Glad you are here,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

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      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #126916

      Hello Willa , it’s interesting that your wife says she’s cool with it but obviously part of being yourself which is the incongruence of the body matching the brain/computer that was wired at birth naturally , this is why there’s such a biased thinking that a none transgender person can’t understand the need to really be yourself – you could white knuckle it until you die to make the world happy of societies thinking and be very unhappy or sacrifice to be yourself – if she’s cool about your feelings but doesn’t want to see changes taking hormones , it’s an issue then , I’m hard core trans female and wouldn’t date let alone ever consider marriage and at 61 flew to Bangkok after 25 years taking herbal plant hormones wearing Β baggy shirts and never being able to go swimming nothing , I had enough of lying , things aren’t perfect but I’m better off than before total transition , everything like documents all say legally that I’m female , Birth Certificate , passport , vital statistics paying Canadian taxes etc. , Drivers License etc. I am not a man – Β lots of young ones want to be recognized as a ” X ” but the world still has a lot of basics in most countries , your either Female or Male and being older I know what works and doesn’t work with identification and living 100 % and I live 100 % female no screwing around – I never felt gay as a guy and never dated guy to guy Β , just wanted to be female 1 st – a great dilema psychologically and paid the price being just me all these years not wanting to hurt someone transitioning and gave up companionship to be me 1 st

      • #127087

        Thanks for your thoughts. I’ll take that all onboard and try to work out what’s best for me.

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