How do you manage your “other” side?

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    • #138204

      I have a male and female side, and consider myself as “non-binary”.  I prefer my feminine side though as I feel happier on the inside when she’s present.  Yesterday my male side was front and center; and I don’t like it.  I become so depressive to the point where it almost becomes crippling to me.  I don’t want to do anything, or talk to anybody.  I just want to hide away.  I was curious if others out there go through similar things; and how they deal with the “male blues”.

      Thank you

    • #138207
      missyjo
      FREE

      August Marie,

      hugs you

      darling I think I understand..I also view missy as a different persona than my M persona. like you, I enjoy being missy much more n yes  I pout n hurt when I dress as him..which I still do for a few limited things..like seeing mom, family n a few things like that. then I listen to her questions like why do you have long nails n earings n sound like an idiot because i agreed i wouldn’t tell her for her own good.

      everything else though I needed to embrace missy n let her out because the switching was hurting so much. others, non transgender people don’t understand. I was recently asked a not uncommon question I suspect,  well why can’t you just dress as a man, especially when my friends are comming to missy home so I, sibling need not explain why my former brother is dressed as this THING (his words) to my golfing n Bible study friends? because it’s missy home n missy signs the check n missy leads 98% of my life n if it’s too much to handle with your friends, I frankly don’t care. tell them I’m transgender or I’m crazy or I died, family press releases are not top on my list..I worry about breathing n getting through the day, and doing it as missy is easier n more fun for me  so sc..w off.

      I’m sorry baby. my therapist..please get a good one, told me there will be costs at every juncture, some monetary some otherwise..do I want to lose my family? no. but here’s what I wonder  how n when did I become so disposable to them, that a few cosmetic changes, hell even if I fully transitioned tomorrow miraculously  ..how did they decide I was so easily disposable? I, like you,  don’t want to hurt any more. I want to be happy.  missy is happy n seeks out people that are nice to her, for her. if wearing different clothes or getting some physical alterations makes me a thing n disposable, then I simply will stop calling n comming around. will it hurt? yes, but i suspect not as much as keeping missy hidden or switching M to F all day long to please others.

      I’ve been missy publically 98% of the time since early November, 2022. scary at first, n then you get over it.  you realize other people don’t look at us nearly as close or much as we fear..they have kids m groceries n laundry like we do, on their minds. will you get some looks? maybe but mine have been rare n short. who can stare? a poorly behaved child? a husband looking to piss off his wife?

      so I embraced her n let her out. yes, terrifying at first..now? liberating. now I attend church on skirts n father always smiles n says welcome missyjo. I give out her name, phone n email when I shop. planning on joining local gym as missy soon.

      can I tell you that’s right for you now dear? no, but it helped me. maybe it would help you, because switching hurts  I know.

      then there’s the little things  like I locked my keys in car 2 or 3 times when butched up..why? cause my keys are in my purse dummy but I can’t carry it cause I’m at mom’s. duh.

       

      good luck dear.

      there are many wiser ladies here and we all care for each other. don’t do anything rash. breath n keep talking to us n your therapist.

      good luck.

      hugs

      missy jo

      • #138209

        Thanks Missyjo.  Hugs for you too.

        Yes, I know what you mean.  Most people don’t understand what it means to be trans.  I don’t think they understand how it’s not a choice we make.  It’s part of us.  And I know what you mean about criticizing yourself.  So many times when I cry at something emotional on tv and I berate myself for being so girly, I wonder why do I do it?  It’s so stupid to criticize myself over being who I am; but I still do.

        I really wish there was a way to flip a switch between my personalities.  It just sucks when you wake up one day and suddenly you don’t feel like doing the things you would normally do.  Seems like everything changes overnight.  Just wish there was a way to control it more.  Therapy may be an avenue I should try.  I’ve been tossing around that idea for awhile now.  Not sure I really like that idea.

        Coming out is a different thing altogether.  I would love to come out and just live as a girl; but it’s not that simple.  I still have the male side to deal with.  If I knew my personality was 90% feminine, sure, I would completely come out and live like that.  But, it’s not like that.  I still fluctuate between male and female on a fairly regular basis.  It would be unfair to the male side to try to totally suppress that side of me.  It’s not in my nature to want to do that.  As a female, I try to help and nurture people, and not suppress them.  My male side does the suppression, which is why it’s taken me my entire life to try to come to terms with this.  Instead of suppressing my female side, I should have been trying to nurture it.  The conservative values I was raised in didn’t, and doesn’t, help my situation either.

        Thanks again Missyjo.  I really appreciate your comments.

        xoxo

        A. Marie

         

        • #138354
          Toni Floria
          HOSPITALITY CREW

          I so identify with you it’s getting harder to separate me tony from me Toni  hang in there and hugs as well to you

          • #138357

            Thanks Toni.  In a way, I would love to be able to choose the feminine side full time; but it’s not that easy.  Not sure what to do about it.  Wish there was a button I could push to turn each side on or off.

            See ya,

    • #138210
      missyjo
      FREE

      August Marie,

      maybe you’re gender fluid dear? enjoy being both? nothing wrong with it.

      I’d strongly suggest therapy. I doubted too..but now I have an educated ear n voice to help, instead of just my fears

      one step at a time dear, n what works for me or someone else may not be right for you or bit at this time..that’s fine too.

      hugs.  be well dear

    • #138232
      Liz K
      UNITY

      I was where you are 6-7 years ago.  Trying to manage dual personalities and existences.  It didn’t go well.  My male self left me depressed and withdrawn.  My female self was the opposite.  I was happy, outgoing, and confident.  With the help of an awesome therapist I came to understand I had gender dysphoria.  And a pretty bad case at that.  So I looked at my options and transition filtered to the top.  I started with HRT about 21 months ago.  Smart move.  My life has never been better.

      That’s what worked for me.  I won’t presume that’s the right answer for you.  But I will say it looks like you might have gender dysphoria.  And a good therapist can help you sort that out.

      This journey you’re on can take you places you never expected.  Never say never.  Stay moving.  Be open to every possibility.  Eventually you’ll find your happy place.

      Best of luck to you.

      /EA

      • #138276

        Finding my happy place is exactly what I try to accomplish daily.  I am gender fluid and coming out and accepting me, helped tremendously. I spend days as him, and then days as her, then days as neither and days as both and days as someone I don’t ever know what gender I am and stay in a state of total confusion, depressed, the list goes on. This is a never ending cycle that repeats in no particular order. On the outside I appear in total control but trust me, on the inside I am messed up to the ‘n’th degree. It’s all I can do to keep it together. Humour helps in the escape. Every day is a different level but one thing remains constant, the need to cope and ride it out.

        • #138345

          Jill, you are so right.  It seems like every day can be a different persona sometimes.  The roller coaster ride can be very taxing on my mind.  I really need to pull the trigger, throw caution to the wind, and present myself as who I am, when I am.  Lots of fear involved in that; but I suppose that’s why I should see therapy to help guide me through it.

          As I mentioned to my friend Kathy, I feel there’s a misconception in society that being trans is the same as being “gay”.  I don’t consider myself gay; but the fear is that by coming out as trans, it gives people the perception that I’m gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that (for the Seinfeld fans, lol).  I think a big part of the fear associated with coming out is asking the hard questions, and being honest with myself in the answers that I have.  How other people view me is one thing.  How I view myself can be terrifying.

          Thanks again for your comment.  I really appreciate it.

          A. Marie

          • #138803

            Throw rocks at me now, but I think we are not doing a very good job in educating the public of who we are really. I can understand why. We want this and that from our leaders, safety, equality, etc. we waive our flags, and add letters to our acronym to continually add more individuals to our cause every day it seems. People are confused, frustrated with us, fear us as an unknown, see political leaders use us as pawns to advance their careers. It’s a whirlwind of confusion where everyone involved is trying to make a case for their concerns. As a large group of individuals with a common characteristic that underlines who we are as people, we cannot agree on a simple umbrella term that needs to be used to identify who we are. No, instead we insist on categorizing everyone with a label so as not to cause any confusion in identifying who we are. It’s insane. How can we ever get someone not identifying as Transgender, to understand and accept Transgender people. We are not weird, we are accountants, doctors, engineers, nurses, carpenters, electricians, athletes, the list goes on. If we continue to keep ourselves and the rest of society confused with definitions that make us feel included we will never get acceptance. Society has no idea how many crossdresser alone there are, hell, we don’t.
            Maybe it’s time we regroup as one piece of society. Maybe we stop cutting up our identities we think suits us to justify our own ideas of who we are, to advance our individual interests for the greater cause for all. Maybe we could just be represented by one word, all of us, crossdresser included. Maybe we can just be a part of society represented by white and blue collar people, athletes, poets, politicians, who just happen to be Transgender, not weird.

            If we can figure out and accept who we are, maybe we can teach the others in our society we are not so bad either and we can contribute to society just as well as everyone else.

          • #138805
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            No, the issue is that we, as a group, are not out enough. Visibility is EXCEEDINGLY important. I can’t remember the exact numbers, but here in the US somewhere around 65% of the populace knows a gay person. However, the number for trans people is only around 30%.

            Think about the Serenity Prayer:

            God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
            the courage to change the things I can,
            and the wisdom to know the difference.

            Thinking about trying to change reference terminology  is not unlike changing course of an ocean liner. On the other hand, every day, EVERY DAY,  we can make a choice to be visible.

            That is what speaks VOLUMES and what we need to do.

      • #138343

        Emily Alt, that is exactly how it is in my life.  I’ve often wondered if I was the only one who went through this on a regular basis.  I haven’t found a therapist yet; and that needs to be one of my priorities moving forward.  I have decided to try HRT on my own recently.  I just started about 4 months ago.  The changes are subtle.  They haven’t change how I feel internally; but I’ve noticed some very minor changes physically.

        I’m sure this is what all of us go through..the mental barriers we face in our lives.  I need to seek out a therapist.  Thanks so much for your comments.  I really appreciate it.

        Have a great day,

        A. Marie

    • #138247

      I can only say in my case it was much rougher when I was younger. Mom allowed me to live as female at home. Then with her family as well. I hated having to go back to my male side.

      As I grew older with the female side calling the shots the2 parts of me pretty much blended . I knew I was female inside no matter what was reflected in the mirror.

      We all look at things in our own way Best of Luck.

      Carla

    • #138288
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      August:

      One thing to remember is that even though a group of us may be under the same general umbrella, as you mentioned Non-Binary, but how it plays out can be somewhat different for each of us. I also identify as Non-Binary, but what I eventually realized is that I never felt that I was completely male nor completely female. While my presentation is female 95% of the time, my thinking, activities, likes/dislikes and perspectives are an amalgam of both genders. I’m OK with that. I don’t have a problem when I need to do something as Don for a day or 2. I have no experience beyond that, so maybe I would get a bit antsy over a longer period of time. I just don’t know.

      However, it is hard to ask difficult questions of ourselves. Gender issues and sexual orientation, for that matter, are tough to think about due to the fear and shame and the potential consequences for our family life, our work life and other parts of our lives. That’s where a therapist with experience in gender issues can be very helpful to keep us on track and focusing on important questions.

      • #138341

        DeeAnn, thanks so much for you’re reply.  I’m just getting to this as I was gone over the holiday weekend.

         

        I can tell by your comments that we can relate.  I never feel completely male or female; and it really is a barrier for me in my life.  The most it gets is like 80/20 one way or the other.  Like you, I really want to be female as much as possible.  I feel good inside when I’m feminine.  I feel depressive as a male; and that part sucks.  I really don’t mind being a male; but the depressive feeling I get from it is the worst.  I know I really need to find a therapist for this; but I just wish I could find a way to be happy when I’m a man.  Without a doubt, I’ve suffered many failures as a man; and it’s taken a toll on my life and happiness.  I really wish I would have accepted my feminine side at an earlier age.  That was my mistake..trying to be something I wasn’t for many many years.

        Seems like therapy needs to be my next step.

        Thanks again for the comments.

        A. Marie

        • #138353
          DeeAnn Hopings
          AMBASSADOR

          Not a problem!

          Over time, I’ve come to understand what makes me different, and from an academic viewpoint, it’s like Same Thing, Only Different.

          From childhood, I always knew that I was different in some way, but had no idea as to what that was or what it meant. I can recall going through women’s magazines and being fascinated by the clothes, but it had to be done in secret. I knew, or at least sensed, that I was crossing some sort of boundary. What I was doing wouldn’t be appreciated and there could be consequences.

          Later, as an adult, I tended to fade into the background in order to avoid scrutiny and be found out that I was different. The thought process in the background for me was that I might be gay, or at least bisexual. Eventually, in 1990 at the age of 42, I came out to myself as gay. As a result, I had some intimate encounters with men. While I found it pleasurable and it felt natural, it seemed like there was something missing and I had no idea as to what that was.

          It was about 10 years later I started underdressing with panties and stockings or tights. Similar to Einar in The Danish Girl, I came to realize the touch and sensation of the fabrics, but it took a long time for the significance of that to settle in. It was another 3 years before I went out fully dressed and another 11 years before I did it again. In retrospect I think I was allowing myself to settle into this new existence and perspective after having been suppressed for so long.

          Ultimately I discovered that Don and DeeAnn are essentially the same person. In the time that I was crossdressing (largely at home), I read accounts that most crossdressers had distinctive male and female personas. That was never the case for me and suggested that there might be something else going on for me. The differences between Don and DeeAnn were quite subtle. For example, DeeAnn would be more likely to start a brief conversation with strangers than Don would. It isn’t that Don would not; it is a matter of frequency.

          Anyway, all this comes out in interesting ways. I have done thrifting as Don and DeeAnn at various times. DeeAnn went to the sprint car races over at Perris Auto Speedway last Saturday night. It is just how it turns out. The difference for me is in the presentation and not the persona.

          • #138356

            From reading what you’ve written, I can totally relate to you.  I also knew from a very young age that I was different.  I never talked to anybody about it.  (In a way, I was largely ignored as a child anyway so there wasn’t much talking about who or what I was then.)  I was into girly things, flowers, animals, etc.  I never played sports.  What I did know was that every time I looked in the mirror, the image in my mind that I compared my body to was feminine.  Whenever I looked in the mirror, my mind said my breasts were too small, and my waist was too wide.  All of the signs were there; but i don’t think anybody thought about it in those days.  I remember prior to starting elementary school that I had forced myself to diet because I thought I was way too fat.  In reality, I was a normal size for a boy; but something in my mind said I was too fat.

            When I entered puberty, another piece of the puzzle fit into place.  I remember finding my brothers porno mags; and it just so happens one of them had a feature on hermaphrodites.  I was immediately drawn to it; and I told myself that’s what I was.. a hermaphrodite.  It seemed to fit well.  I was both male and female.  I also realized that when I read the stories and articles about sex, I always fantasized about being the women in the stories, and wondering how it felt to be a woman having sex.  Of course this lead to some experimentation on my part.

            When I entered high school, it comes out again; and I let my hair and nails grow long.  Small sign; but it was a sign of how I was different than every body else around me.  It was also the first time that I told anybody that I was bisexual.  I probably didn’t really understand what it meant; but I somehow related to it.

            Looking back, I think that these small changes that came to light when I entered a new school was more of a response to being competitive with all of the new girls I was suddenly around.  In a way they were conscious responses; but in some ways they were unconscious responses.  Nobody told me to do them.  I just did them.

            My first experience with crossdressing came from an innocent elementary school Halloween party where all the girls dressed as boys, and all the boys dressed as girls.  I don’t remember who’s idea it was; but I remember being very comfortable doing it.  I didn’t crossdress again until I had moved out of my parents house and lived on my own.  It’s a little funny, but my crossdressing started by me cutting the legs off of my underwear and making my own panties out of them.  Seems silly to think about it.  It wasn’t until about 5 years ago that I actually bought my first pair of women’s underwear.  Feels like I wasted so much time.

            I mentioned that I came out as “bisexual” during high school; but to be honest, I’ve never had a “relationship” with another man.  I’ve always sought affection from women; but having sex with women is almost impossible.  The kissing, petting, and nudity is all fun; but when it comes time to the actual “sex” part, I no longer want to be with the girl.  Instead I want to BE the girl.  I did meet one man one time when i was still a teenager that I knew was very attracted to me.  I was kind of attracted to him too.  I gave him my phone number; but he called at a very bad time.  My family was around me at the time; and I was too scared to make any plans with him.  I never heard from him again.  He was maybe the only man I can say that I was actually attracted to.  Even when I’m in fem mode I don’t generally find men attractive.  It’s just that one particular area of their body that I find interest in.  I can recognize a good looking guy; but I have no desire to flirt or make out with them.  I’m not sure if these are still mental blocks that I’ve created for myself; or if I’m really just not interested.

            So in a way I’ve let a lot of opportunities in my life slip by.  In a way it feels like my life has been a lie; and I have lots of regrets about it.  It all stems from my insecurities in life.  I’m wondering if I still have time to change; or if I should continue as usual.

            Thanks for your time.  Hope I haven’t said too much.

            See ya,

            A. Marie

          • #138358
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            Many have said that the wished that they discovered themselves at an earlier point in their lives and they rue the lost time. However, I don’t subscribe to that because what we don’t know is whether or not we were ready at that earlier time. I suspect that the answer is that they were not and some things had to happen before they got to that point.

            I think there are 2 parts to this:

            • Are we ready to make a change?
            • Are we ready to deal with the possible consequences?

            Each is a significant hurdle on its own.

          • #138459

            So for real, the only reasons I say I wish I would have started earlier is because it seems to me that had I come out say in my teens or twenties, my family would have been more accepting of the change as compared to coming out now in my 50s.  To come out now is going to be a real shock.  To come out back then would have been a shock also; but it would make more sense to come out early; plus they would have had all of these years to adjust.

            The other reason would be because I could have started to shape my body earlier and hopefully had some real change by now.

            So yes, you’re right about asking ourselves are we ready; it just seems it would have been more “convenient” per se to come out earlier.  I was in denial myself so it was impossible back then.  In a way, I suppose it would have been better for my benefit had I come out earlier than for theirs.   That other side of that is it’s probably been whispered behind my back all of these years anyway; so maybe either coming out now or then really has no difference to them accept for verification in the end.  Had I been honest with myself, it could have made a difference maybe.

             

    • #138363
      Anonymous
      FREE

      Dear August Marie,
      I feel exactly the same. The world is in such a horrible place right now and much of it can be traced to brazen macho behaviour. When I end up in ‘male-mode’, which is not very often – I feel depressed as hell. When I am Cheri I am calmer, more controlled, considered and happier.
      Thank you darling
      Cheri xx

      • #138468

        Thanks Cheri luv.  Hopefully together we can all be happier in the end.  Glad to know we’re sisters.

         

        Hugsss

        A. Marie

    • #138364

      Hi A. Marie,  I am an intersex person and it took me a long time to find a balance between my selves.  You can find more about me in my profile but long ago I realized that my old self was a part of me that would always be there.  I think of it as a co-joined twin that is always with me and we’ve made peace and don’t squabble.  I have sometimes explained it as an old long time job that I don’t do any more.  I’ve now got an entirely new career but people may still talk and inquire about my old job.  It doesn’t bother me but does sometimes need an explanation (that was then and this is now).  I have a history that’s always there.  It’s not bad.  Perhaps in order to know where you’re going you’ve got to know where you’ve been.  So, I’m not freaked when people use my legacy (dead) name, I just use it as a chance to educate.  I have no magic switch to go from one side to the other but it’s more like a fader that is constantly adjusting (mostly to the far feminine side) and that’s been just fine with me.  I hope this helps.  Marg

      • #138462

        Hey Marge.  Thanks so much for your comments.  It’s interesting that you’re intersex.  You’re the second intersex person I’ve met recently.  I didn’t know anything about it before; so I find it a bit fascinating.

        Yes, it does feel a bit like twins.  My problem is they don’t always get along well with each other.  That’s how I ended up being more asexual.  Neither side really wants to cooperate when it comes to sex.

        It’s an interesting analogy comparing your other side to an old job.  I can’t say I’m there yet.  In my current state of mind, I want to be all woman.  What sucks is when I drop into a deep depression when I’m not feeling very womanly.  Sometimes I think if I just got dressed and put on my makeup that I would come out of it; but sometimes it’s so hard to find the energy.  That’s the depression side of it.  I want to; but it’s just not there.  That’s when it really sucks.  I feel great inside when I’m a woman.  I always smile; and I’m just so happy.  It can be such a dark shadow inside when I’m feeling very male.  It’s amazing how people will react to you depending on the personality being presented.  People are much more social with me when I’m feminine.  They stay away when I’m masculine.

        I haven’t “come out” yet, and maybe that too is a condition of my depression.  This is all stuff I need to examine more closely.  I hope there’s an answer somewhere.

         

        • #138487

          I completely understand. I am gender fluid but have come to accept my both genders so I don’t have trouble expressing as either. I do have major issues however when I am stuck between genders. I reach for a bra and a chain saw, figuratively speaking, and it really takes it toll on me so sometimes I have to just mix the two to stay sane.

          • #138504

            Yea Jill, I should just get up and get dressed, and maybe everything would be ok; but some days it’s just not in me.  Some days it’s like I just don’t have the energy to put on my makeup and a skirt.

          • #138515

            Absolutely agree with you. Days I just don’t want to take the time to shave. I hate shaving! I am oh so tired of shaving. Thankfully, it’s just my face as everything else gets the rototiller(epilator). And those days where I want to paint my nails, shave, pick out an outfit suitable for the day, hair style for the day, do my eyebrows, it just never lets up, ever. I just take a deep breath and walk away frustrated.

          • #138520

            So true, so true.  Shaving is a big hassle.  Thank God I have no hair on my back.  I’m trying to do the permanent laser hair removal.  I bought one off of Amazon for like $70 – $80.  It actually seems like it’s working.  I’ve been doing it on my upper legs and I can definitely tell a difference; and it’s only been 2 weeks.  Takes forever and stings like an sob sometimes; but if it’ll do the job, I think it’s worth it.

          • #138550

            Good luck with that machine. I haven’t heard any positive about such devices but if it works, bonus. After five years of epilating, it has become quite simple to do a full once over with little pain. I have an attachment to do the face but fear keeps me from attempting it. Otherwise, I really do not have much hair at all to cleanup on my arms or legs thankfully.

    • #138517
      Toni Floria
      HOSPITALITY CREW

      Good question  I’ve been Tony my whole life. Now Toni is so strongly present I feel so good when Toni is present  I want to experience everything feminine ( maybe not the period)  I’m getting older gonna be 69 this week  fighting these feelings my whole life. Tired of fighting. Take care of yourself hugs

      • #138719

        I’m so glad I’m not alone in this.  Good luck to you.

        Thank you,

        A. Marie

    • #138556

      Thank you for a fascinating discussion point and thanks to everyone who has provided their own experiences for those of us who are non-binary/genderfluid.

      I started HRT with the expectation of undergoing the full MTF transition when I had the opportunity to dress full time. While I love skirts and dresses the weather isn’t always amenable to those outfits. Which means I expanded my wardrobe to include leggings and slacks.

      Eventually I came to appreciate that my male side was not going to disappear because yes, we are “Siamese twins” as far as my brain/body is concerned only we just share a single physical body. What I am wearing does not change who I am which is someone who sees things from both a male and female perspective.

      If I were in your shoes I would find myself a therapist who will enable you to reach a peaceful coexistence with both of your personas. My own male persona now takes a backseat and allows Rowena to do the driving and she is a much better driver because she is less prone to “road rage”. 🙄 In the same vein she is less irritable and more accommodating than my male persona.

      I mention this because you don’t have to be wearing a skirt in order to enable your feminine persona. If you enable her to be in charge of your life, even when wearing male clothes, she will help you to accept the part of yourself that will always be there because you were born trans. This is who we are, each unique in our own special way and fortunate enough to be able to actually walk in the shoes of the other gender.

      Kind regards, Rowena 👩‍🦳

      • #138718

        You know Rowena, you are so right.  I’m so glad I brought this up since it really shows me that I’m not alone in what I feel.  I’m normally a very shy person.

         

        I can completely relate to the “siamese twins” thing.  That’s basically how it feels, two people, same body.  But, I’m not going to say that August isn’t prone to a little road rage too lol.  I have been trying to let August have the control lately.  Even dressed as a man, I still feel feminine inside.  But, it’s those pesky times when August is sleeping or something that things go downhill and I get locked up in the male persona.

        Therapy is a good direction to go; but I’m just so introverted and shy that it’s very hard for me to make those steps.  In that respect, I’d really like somebody to hold my hand and lead me there; but I know I have to do this on my own.

        Thanks again Rowena,

        hugs,

        A. Marie

        • #138737

          If I could physically be there and hold your hand I would but since that is not possible I will do it virtually instead. 👭 You are a good person and you deserve the opportunity to be yourself. Take that 1st step knowing that you are not alone and that those of us who have already taken these steps are with you in spirit.

          Kind regards, Rowena👩‍🦳

    • #138565
      Anonymous

      Hi, I’ve read all the replies and it’s interesting how similar the experiences are. Mine is classic. Knew I was different as a kid. Began crossdresing as a teen. I wanted to be a girl but didn’t think I was trans. It was the 70s after all.

      Decided I was a crossdresser and stayed in denial even though looking back I was clearly trans. Pursued the male life. A typical tale.

      Anyway eventually I accepted myself as trans but was still conflicted. The duality. How could I call myself trans when I had typical male interests? Meanwhile I was ignoring my female ‘side’ and the fact that I think and behave in a typical female way. Something friends noticed about me and commented on even though I felt I was hiding it brilliantly.

      So it seems there was a male side and a female side and they seemed to conflict.

      So how to deal with it?

      I eventually realised something. There are no sides.

      I’m a woman.

      That’s it. Sure I was born a boy and had testosterone change my body. Certainly I tried to fit in as a man. I have interests that are more typically male. But that’s just stereotyping. I know plenty of women who have similar interests, particularly these days.

      I’m just a trans woman. Not gender fluid and no non binary. No ‘they’. I’m a she.

      I didn’t choose to be female. I’m simply a woman. Once I realised this truth. It was like a weight was lifted.

      No disrespect to those of us who see themselves as gender fluid or non binary or have male and female sides. We must all find our own way. I was there not so long ago.

      But there’s no sides for me. I am but one person and she’s a woman.

      I don’t have a male persona.

      That’s how I deal with it.

      • #138717

        Wow, thank you so much.  I really wish I could be so bold and confident to approach it like that and forget about the male side.  It’s really not that easy for me.  My job is more male based (remodeling) so i still need to revert back to presenting myself as male during the days.  But the other point of it is, I can’t control when the male or female sides take control.  It can be day to day, hour to hour, or whatever.  How I know is that my likes and dislikes, my urges, and my way of thinking all change depending on the personality thats present.  It’s definitely like a left side/right side split.  I want to say it’s two different people, but it’s all the same body.  Right now, I’m more interested in pursuing the female side; but that pesky male side still creeps up now and then.  And I hate the depression associated with it.

         

        Thanks again for your comments.

        A. Marie

    • #138879

      How do I manage? Poorly at times, better at others. I don’t think in terms of two sides. At the best of times, I see myself the same regardless of what face I am presenting the world. That face is a matter of personal convenience. Am I being true to myself? I would say, at least for me, the truth is on the inside, so yes, I am.

      This is surely a compromise and probably won’t work for many.

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