How to Finance Transition

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    Topic
  • #35137
    Brenda Leigh
    Participant

    Hi Girls

    It’s been a few weeks since I have visited the site and I hope everyone has enjoyed their summer so far. I have not had the best 2019 but I do all I can to keep a positive attitude and remember that we are beings of manifestation, and we have the ability to create our own reality. I truly believe in this statement, but I also believe that our higher power, what ever that means to you, places adversity in our paths everyday and we must learn to overcome. Personally, I believe my transition is one aspect of my life’s lessons that I must complete. I missed my first awakening as a child to who I really am,  so now I must complete my transition later in life. “Better late than never”!!

    To get to the point of my post, for those who are presently transitioning and those who have completed transition, were you able to find assistance in getting those high costs of surgery  payed for?? I don’t mean to pry into anyone’s personal business and if your uncomfortable talking about it, please don’t. My story goes like this…. I own my home, no more mortgage, but I planned to remortgage my house to pay for surgeries, but my bank of 30 plus years backed out because I’m self-employed and show no income, no pay check stubs. I do not have the funds to pay for surgery but I am paying out of pocket for HRT. My health insurance will not pay for anything and I have no family to help. I have heard rumors of state and government programs that will help with trans surgeries but have had no luck finding them, if they exist. Is anyone aware of, or have you had a positive experience obtaining funds for transition??? I have my Gender Dysphoria Diagnosis letters, a support system and the ability to care for myself after surgery, it’s the terrible cost of the surgeries themselves, and the anxiety is eating me alive!!!

    I do appreciate any and everyone’s input!!! Much Thanks!

    Brenda Leigh

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    • #53616
      Sarah Fox
      Participant

      FREE

      Hello Breanna,

      I am sorry that you have had such a difficult year. I understand the frustration you feel over the cost of transition. I often feel that everything concerning gender reassignment is orchestrated to insure that we can never hope to have the life we dream of, unless of course, we happen to be wealthy.

      I am not sure I understand what dysphoria is, let alone if I have experienced it. Like you, many transgendered people hate their bodies. But unlike many, I do not hate my body. It has many good qualities that would serve a real man well. But there is the rub. I am not a man. Nor am I a cross dresser. Crossdressing is what I do because I have no other options at the moment. My financial resources are far to limited. And because I so foolishly wasted the best years of my life denying who and what I am… (Sigh) I may have to accept that crossdressing is the most I will ever accomplish. I fear and loathe the very thought of that. I could get angry, I could rant and rave against the world for all it’s injustice and I could stubbornly refuse to accept reality. I often have done all those things. And not one of them have ever helped me. If I ever want to get beyond where I am at in life, then there are only two things that will help. Determination and persistence are the attributes that will get me as close to my dream as is realistic. Maybe I will be condemned to crossdressing for the rest of my life. I may never find the happiness and contentment I long for. And if that is true… So what? Can that life of crossdressing and living full time as the woman be any worse than all that I have endured up till now? I say it is not. I say that it is a far better thing to accept myself as I am and to accept the best I am able to accomplish. I will never give up chasing my dream and I will learn to accept my limitations with as much contentment as I can manage.

      My dear Breanna, I know you have come a long way since writing this post and I hope you come farther still. You once told me that what is inside matters more than what is on the outside. And that is true. But I hope you never stop chasing your dream. And I hope that you will always find contentment in knowing that you are giving your best.

      Hugs and kisses,

      Sarah

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      • #53621
        Brenda Leigh
        Participant

        FREE

        Hi Sarah,

        I have missed our daily conversations, I have no real excuse and can only say, I’m sorry and hope you aren’t too disappointed in me. Thank you for such a thoughtful reply to this post, your words touched me very deeply. You seem to have a beautiful, angelic quality that I sense thru your writings that really is wonderfully, feminine.

        You commented that you don’t feel “dysphoria” in regards to your male body, that you can accept your body as is. I think your a very lucky girl that you don’t feel the depression and anxiety that comes with gender dysphoria and the need to transition. Personally, I find relief in my work as my job is purely mechanical and it enables me to avoid my reality for a period of time. Also, for years I was a workaholic for obvious reasons, but since I came out, I at times, find it hard to go to work. I long so badly for a different me, that it is affecting all aspects of my life, becoming more difficult with time. All my life I hated my body, all my life I hated playing the male role while having sex though I did not always understand why.

        You stated that you don’t have the money to transition, and doubt you ever will. That you must be content with your body as it is but you still dream. I believe that everything in our universe is made of energy and mathematics, and we recieve what we ask for in life as long as it does not upset our life plan. So, if we keep asking God or Universe for the ability and money to transition, eventually the opportunity will come our way, unless it is not meant to be. Even our thoughts have energy so if we think transition is beyond our reach, it will be. I feel the need to say this to you after reading your reply because I really got the feeling thru your words that you think transition is impossible for you. And believe me, I understand how you feel. It is difficult and expensive. Last year, 2018, I made enough money to transition without financial difficulty. I had the money in cash in my safe, but I too spent so many years in denial, trying to be someone I was not, and 2019 has been filled with health and financial problems. Maybe Universe is preparing me for the physical stress of SRS, getting my body in better shape so I can handle the surgery. And maybe, Universe is telling me No to SRS, preventing me from doing surgery by throwing challenge after challenge in my path. And, maybe nothing applies, maybe my life is simply traveling along it’s intended road.

        I also no longer consider myself a crossdresser. I dress 24/7, 365 in the clothing that expresses how I feel inside about myself. I do not wear breast forms, hip or butt pads anymore. Nothing silicone!! It’s just too hot here in Arizona to wear silicone padding as it makes me sweat terribly. I dress as myself, I wear mostly womans skinny Lee jeans, leggins or shorts. I have a nice butt and shapely legs and get alot of compliments on them, so why not show them off. I wear a womans top, shoes, always carry a purse, my nails are ALWAYS done and my hair is long with a feminine cut. I am a flat chested female, who has a figure like a bowling ball, but I do feel better than presenting as a man. I know that most people know that I am a man dressed as a woman, but my confidence comes “blasting” thru and so most accept me without issue. At least to my face!!

        In the Buddist religion they say that we must embrase our challenges in life, accepting them as we accept the good that comes our way. That is a very hard thing to do, especially for someone raised in the Western Culture, but I try. I’m far from perfect, I make many, many mistakes but I do try to be a better person than I was yesterday. I have given a lot of thought to suicide if I cannot find a path to transition. Girls with wealthy familys don’t always realise how fortunate they are as they don’t struggle as you and I do. But suicide is not the answer and I don’t know what my answer is. How can I live with this awareness and not transition!!?

        Your friend,

        Hugs and Much Love, Breanna

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    • #35188
      Brenda Leigh
      Participant

      FREE

      Hi Stephanie,

      What are the costs??? Dr Chettawutt in Thailand just quoted me just under $13,000.00 for Vaginaplasty and $4,800.00 for Breast Augmentation with a discount if I do them both at the same time. Facial Feminization, I have not gotten a chance to look over his numbers yet but he does all aspects of feminizing surgeries. That’s roughly 1/3rd of the cost of the quotes I have received from doctors in the U.S.A.. If I go to Thailand for surgery I will also have the cost of air fare, hotel for 18 days while healing, food and incidentals. Plus, if there’s a problem with my surgeons work God forbid, I would need to fly back to Thailand or pay an American doctor to help. If I do surgery here in Scottsdale, AZ. , I’m very close to home, which is something I like since I’m pretty much alone, and I’m not traveling to a foriegn country. One other thing to remember!! Since I am sold support for my household, I just make sure there’s plenty of money available to pay household bills while I’m in surgery and recuperating, I would guess 3 to 6 months. It feels like an impossible thing to do at this point in my life but I’m really at the point where I can no longer live with myself in my body as it is. And I really understand how you feel about feeling cute in your jeans!! I still have a cute butt too, but no hips, no curves, I get compliments on my butt often from guys but I know they have their own agenda on their minds… And, no matter what I do, how well I learn to apply make up, I just don’t have any feminine facial features!!! And my upper torso and arms are way too big for a woman!! I really HATE my body, and I always have all my life and like you there’s no turning back. I sometimes think I’m making a mistake with all of this, like it seems an impossible task to achieve a feminine outcome. I’m in therapy now, I’m doing electrolysis to finally did myself of my pesky beard shadow and finally have no need of shaving 3 times a day but it’s not enough. And of course I have the Aphrodite Breast Forms and the Jolie Hip & Butt Pads, glue it all on with Hollister Adhesive but I feel so phoney wearing that crap. It’s hot here in Arizona, I literally sweat the forms off my chest even with Stay Dry, and it’s impossible to make a breast form blend to your chest and make them look like real breasts!! I think they must spray paint the models in the advertisements!! And after 6 months of trial and error, I called the Breast Form Store where I bought it all and told them I could not make any of it blend with my skin and eliminate the “seam/line” around the form to look like a breast, and got no help. They already had my money and that was that!!! Everything from forms to clothing to HRT to surgery is geared to take ALL your money!!!! Without giving anything in the way of support afterwards!! I know I sound bitter and I apologize for venting on your shoulder right now but I am so frustrated with everything trans right now!! I did not choose to be transgender, I have been all my life. I chose to try to block it out of my mind to many years but it returned with a vengeance and has knocked me to my knees. I actually had become so depressed, felt so much anxiety several nights ago, I considered ending it all by ending my life. I did not ask for this, I did not choose it, but it’s my reality and it’s not fun experiencing constant rejection, constant looks because I dress feminine, heading the constant remarks because I don’t look female. But I am what I am and I cannot help it, I cannot change it, and simply dressing female no longer feeds my need to be female. I don’t know how I will ever afford to transition, I am finding it more and more difficult to get thru my daily life now as a physical man and my only avenue to raise the money would be to sell my house which I don’t want to do. And, should not have to do!!!

      Well, Thanks Stephanie for being the one person to answer my Post, I think there are far too many people who consider themselves Transgender who are actually Crossdressers who experience NO Gender Dysphoria, have never seen a Psychiatrist or Gender Therapist and simply can’t relate to the intensity of the feelings I am experiencing, so they are not able to answer something like this. I may make a few enemies bit so he it. Thanks again and I really hope and pray all works in your favor. I understand!!

      hugs Brenda

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      • #35650
        Stephanie Kennedy
        Participant

        SILVER

        Hi Brenda I truly know anxiety it’s a little overwhelming at times. I can only share with you what information I have. Twenty five years ago I should transitioned I had it all. I had money I had the looks . Nice hair, great legs. I belonged to a club that had both crossdressers and transwoman . But my anxiety was in overdrive I wanted more and more.I used to keep two pair of high heels in car just to wear to work in the car. I would put vasoline on eye lashes before going to work. The woman at work started chattering about me. I was getting out of control. I finally went to see a psychiatrist not a therapist .O talked about my anxiety.  I made big mistake I did not tell her about my gender issues. I just want the anxiety and depression to go away. She made it go away for twenty five years with medication. There is a combination of medicine that makes it go away.   I was on highest dose allowed. My primary told me I took enough to put down a horse. I stopped taking it by withdrawing from it slowly. When I stopped taking ii my anxiety came back with a vegance . I starting shopping again putting together outfits I learned how to tuck I am out shopping wearing all fem clothing no make up. It’s not enough. I know what will get rid of it but you are mentally not functional Luv Stephanie ❣️

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    • #35164
      Brenda Leigh
      Participant

      FREE

      Hi Stephanie,

      Thank you so much for your reply and I do hear what your saying and I am doing my best to deal with My situation without allowing my emotions to take control. I look for no sympathy, pity and I KNOW most people don’t believe is as I have dealt with my own situation a long, long, long time. I do know there are organizations like CK Life Surgery Scholarship, Jim Collins Foundation, Point of Pride, Trans United and Transgender Foundation of America that do give people assistance for surgery who are unable to pay themselves. I have applied at all of these organizations without luck for one reason or another.

      In my situation, I have sat down and figured out the costs to completely transition and it would take me 10 years to save the necessary funds unless a unexpected financial gift came my way, which I seriously doubt. Now, I am 58 years old, that means I would be 68 when I transitioned. Not Acceptable!!! I have a Gender Therapist, I have my two letters confirming Gender Dysphoria, I have started HRT, my anxiety and depression is thru the roof and my therapist has recommended to my Doctor, SRS asap. I have chosen Dr. Ley in Scottsdale, Arizona to do my surgery, I like her and she’s only a half hour from my house. I also have a second choice for a surgeon, one that comes highly recommended from Thailand, (can’t think how to spell his name right now), but Thailand may be a necessary direction for me to go due to high costs.

      You might ask, why did I wait so late in life to do this, especially since I knew at 5 yrs old there was something wrong. I did not understand what transgender was for most of my life, nobody knew back then. I remember watching the evening news in the 70’s when a news report came on telling about a somewhat successful “sex change” surgery here in the states and I knew I wanted that. But I was young, my family thought “sex change” was terrible and I had no support system and did not understand. As I grew older I had kids of my own and responsibility that came before my own welfare but my feminine feelings never went away no matter how hard I tried to suppress them. For years I used drugs and alcohol to avoid confronting myself and how I felt. I’ve been sober 17 yrs now and I am finally at a point in life where I can finally do this but I know time is short, 10 years flies by in the blink of an eye and I cannot emotionally handle the thought of waiting another 10 years and at 68 yrs old, why bother. So maybe I sound a bit desperate, but my anxiety and depression has gotten harder to deal with as time goes on, so I am looking for any potential avenue I can take to obtain what I need to survive. One piece of advice I would give to any young person considering transition, Do it when your young, don’t wait!! It only becomes harder on your emotional stability, younger people handle change much better than older people.

      Hugs, Brenda

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      • #35179
        Stephanie Kennedy
        Participant

        SILVER

        Hi Brenda I am right there with you. My story is a match. I am 65 very good health . I still believe I look cute in my jeans and tee top. Need more hip thigh and butt. I need so much work. I am not sure what to do. I know the need to look like the woman I am is not going away especially since I have accepted the truth. No going back not sure about going forward. What is cost? I should know this. My fear is the unknown.  Luv stephanie

    • #35161
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Participant

      SILVER

      Hi Brenda.  I believe our transition into womanhood begins at acceptance. Accepting the fact we are woman we have entered  a world that all woman have to deal with on a daily basis. We all want too look cute and we want too feel pretty. The cost of that is what all woman have to deal with. We as trans woman have to start at the begining we have to modify the fine balance of hormones that is put into our blood stream every day. We want and need the balance to favor our gender being female. We first need a therapist to achnologe and confirm we believe we are female. She or he has to recommend to a medical Dr. that they believe we are female and should be put on the appropriate hormone levels for our gender which is female. Surgery comes later if at all. All woman want to change some part of their bodies. The changes are considered cosmetic so insurance will not pay it in most cases. You have to put your male mind back into play and not make such a emotional issue. We have to do what all woman do save go without until we have the money . There is no one out there that is going too feel sorry for us because we got screwed. They do not believe us. That I believe. We as a group have to prove to them we are telling the truth. That starts by being a simple woman a kind empathetic woman. If we can get our true sister’s to believe us I believe we have a shot at getting our cost covered. Woman are a very powerful entity. I am truly proud to be a woman right now. Luv Stephanie

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