How to play with/explore gender identity and presentation?

  • Creator
  • #123864
    Josie Angel

    I currently identify as bi-gender. (To me, this means having a male self and having a female self and loving both of them.)  I have recently given myself permission to come out of the closet. This brings with it the question of how I want to look and live outside the closet. Do I want to live as female full time? (An option I never thought I’d have.). Do I want to retain some of my male identity and live part time as male and part time as female like I do now only do it openly without hiding (and have more freedom to be more feminine more often)?  Do I want to live as some version of non-binary or gender queer or another identity?

    What would be some fun ways to explore these things?  What would be some fun looks to try?  Looks that embrace more than one gender or defy binary gender identity.

    Also, how do I get past my perfectionism and let myself play and have fun with this?  My inner critic is fierce.  I often won’t let myself dress up en femme (outside of pajamas and night gowns) unless I am doing makeup and the whole yards and trying to look “passable.” Even if I’m staying inside and no one is going to see me but my very accepting and supportive girlfriend.

    Any tips, tricks, ideas, advice appreciated.

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  • Author
    • #124496

      Hello Josie, it is a process and the real advice is it is all up to you.  However in my experience from being and watching many friends go through the process it comes down to where ever you are just start.  Little steps if you have to or one giant leap like I have seen many try. The first and even hundredth time you step out the door it won’t be perfect, in fact having a perfect day, perfect face, perfect outfit only happens in the movies or in our memories. You are going to grow up and go through the same stages as a girl would: a baby, little girl, preteen, teen, young adult, 20’s, 30’s etc until you reach a comfort point.  Some of these stages will last longer than others, some a few hours or weeks, some even decades.  The process is all askew for transgender people coming out when you are older vs just growing up like all the other girls. These stages are in every aspect of who you are too, not just in clothing and fashion, but also in thinking and feeling, social circles, acceptance, etc.  Friends will come and go, family might do the same. You will cry, you will laugh. One of the things that helped me a lot was having a close friend or two who could pick me up when I was stumbling and that I could do the same for them, going this alone will be very hard. Where you find those friends depends on where you are at, online is a place to start, but ultimately you will need a physical friend to hang out with and chat too.



      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #123979
      DeeAnn Hopings


      One of the things that comes into play is doing research. Some of the ways are:

      • Watch TV shows and movies with classy looking female characters and take note of what you find interesting
      • Mall watching is useful to do and often provides great variety
      • Women’s magazines
      • Clothes modeled on department store web sites (some will also suggest a complete ensemble to go with a clothing item)
      • There are sites that list body shapes and clothing items, styling, colors and patterns are included that help or hurt
    • #123874
      Michelle Lawson

      Josie, I do so hope you enjoyed joining us in the Chatroom. I enjoy chatting there a lot. If you look in Social -> Member Directory, you can search for other people that may be near by. Or under Places -> Local Places, you can search for all sorts of things that may be near you. Hope to see you chatting again soon. Oh, and don’t forget about digging through the Articles and Forums. Loads of information there. And this is a link to some info about navigating the website – Hugs, Michelle

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