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So I’m 7 months in on HRT & seriously I’ve gone from being 95% straight to out & out Bi
So I’m wondering did everyone else go through this?
I’m also wondering if this is me with with my libido chemically switched off, what happens in 8 or 9 months time when it fully returns?
& if i’m like this now where the hell is my sexuality going to be in 10+yrs?
(if this has already been discussed, please post links as I couldn’t find it thru the search bar).
Also this is a genuine question, so no ick replies please, because in short it’s grim.
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To change topics, over the years I’ve read MANY messages, here and on other forums, where people say that they wished they had not denied their real feelings so long, came out sooner, etc. However, the question is: Had they done these things earlier, were they really ready at that point in time? That’s a real question mark for me and I suspect that it would be for others also. Had we come out as a crossdresser or as a transgender person earlier in life, would we have been prepared to make the necessary choices and sacrifices? I’m fairly certain that I would not have and I suspect that would be true for many others.
Thank you so much for bringing this point up, DeeAnn.
To answer the question I can unequivocally state that I would still be a closeted crossdresser today if my soulmate was still alive. Even after having experienced Gender Euphoria I would still sacrifice that to have her back in my life. She was worth that and more to me.
However that “choice” was made for me leaving me with only having to deal with my grief and how I wanted to live the rest of my life. Opting to try HRT was the right decision and, according to my daughter, I am a much happier person than she recalls me as being when I was still in the closet.
Would I “sacrifice” any of the time I had with my soulmate for an earlier start date to begin HRT given what I know now? No, because my maternal instinct simply would not allow me to do something “selfish” that would probably hurt those I loved.
I appreciate that each of us has a different perspective and if I was in a less than ideal situation than I was my decision could well have been a very different one so I am in no position to question when and why others choose what is best for themselves.
What I have now is my new life, an exploration of my femininity and an empowerment of me as the person I genuinely am. I don’t know what the future holds for me but I refuse to allow “regrets” to spoil what I now have. I was never allowed to have pink toenails as a child but I take a childlike glee in having them now.
Kind regards, Rowena 👩🦳
I grew up from a very young age with the full knowledge that I was supposed to be a girl. I had to live with that constant awareness, and finally transitioned to living as a woman almost two years ago. Recently a visit to the hospital for treatment of a medical issue common to women, a urinary tract infection, brought me face to face with a lady doctor who informed me that my tests show that I am a woman! What I always knew and felt was a reality!
I have always adored femininity and loved women. Now that I AM a woman hasn’t changed those feelings, what has changed is that I am now considered to be a lesbian, whereas I was “straight” before when pretending to be a male.Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
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Well, everybody has to be something!
I think what many don’t understand is that after we transition, we are still the same person. If we were a liar before, we’ll be a liar afterwards. If we were a stand up person before, we will continue to be a stand up person. Unfortunately many want to assume that we are different people in order to support their prejudice.
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Im sorry to ask this personal question but you mention the ability to have multiple orgasm with or without an erection how does this work. As I do not attain full erection and can only manage orgasm very infrequently. And mostly on my own
Hi Colleen, I am not an expert but this is my understanding of what is involved. There is something called the refractory period that men experience after ejaculating. This essentially shuts down any further stimulation of the genitals preventing another orgasm for a period of time that varies significantly among males. Women either don’t have this refractory period or it is very short which enables the further stimulation of the genitals and multiple orgasms.
As far as how I found out about this comes from having a wet dream a couple of months after starting HRT. I dreamed that I was fully female and “fingering” myself. Given my age I probably touched my prostrate from between my penis and scrotal sac and it was a blissful way to wake up. I was curious because I had definitely experienced an orgasm without an erection or ejaculation. A little bit of exploration and it happened again…and again! Since then I have discovered other ways that also work and yes, sometimes that refractory period kicks in but I little patience and it soon passes.
My advice is to be gentle and do not be afraid to explore your own sexuality. There are so many different nerve endings and nooks and crannies that I never knew existed because “playing with yourself” was considered to be “sinful” when I was a child. Like so many of those “rules” that one was made up for the purpose of controlling others. No one else controls your body so it is yours to enjoy as you prefer. The sensitivity of my entire body has increased since starting HRT.
Kind regards, Rowena 👩🦳
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Dee,
Short answer….yes I have gone thru a similar transition. In a nutshell, growing up was all about girls….dating, fantasies, etc. Not even an inkling of anything different. It was even more extreme at times recalling one girlfriends roommate had a gay brother who made comments to them privately that they wanted to know if there was any possibility with me. When I was told about this, I was livid that this was even discussed.
This may be confusing or even contradictory but later in life after being on HRT for months…..desires started changing
Now, I could just date men. Most thoughts go that direction and my goals have changed to find the right “male” to compliment my “female” side. By the way…this has not happened.
On HRT, my libido dropped to nothing for any sex to now desiring “opposite ” sex which is getting hard to describe cause my perspective has changed and I now think of myself as female so “opposite” sex is male to me now.
If you are confused by my rambling sorry because I am trying to text with nails on at a bar that is closing soon. I have much more to say but I can explain better in person when I have a keyboard.
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Thats interesting. Can I ask, what is your hormone protocol, and do you have lab results on your hormones (free testosterone, progesterone, estradiol and prolactin) before and after by any chance? I’m good friends with my endocrinologist who I’ll be meeting on Monday, so I can run your case by him (which he’ll find interesting as he’s researched the link between sexuality and hormones) and hopefully shed some insight.
And to confirm, you were previously interested in men or women? Thanks.
Also, I’ll expand after Monday, but I remember him telling me something about progesterone and bisexuality.
Hi Emily,
see below;
Cyproterone Acetate 100mg – 1 once per day (oral)
Oestradiol Valerate – 6mg (3mg am & 3mg pm, e.g. 12hr cycle) (oral)
Micronised Progesterone – 200mg – 1 once per day (oral)
Last bloods (4 months ago (yes I know overdue, but i’m booked in for next now)):-
Testosterone:- 0.99nm/l
Oestrogen:- 493 pmo/l
prolactin:- 878 mu/l (this is high, not sure if this due to developing (but avoiding crying babies seems wise at the moment) if this remains high i’ll swap to Spironolactone (which has it’s own downsides) )
I also developed a pseudo menstrual cycle after the first month, which along with physical symptoms, includes PMS & PMDD (including typically 2 days of crippling depression, fun times).
So i developed alot of sympathy for women in this regards, just getting on with work, life etc. when all you want to do is curl up the fetal position for 5 to 11 days (oh & my asthma & migraines like to join in at this time).
Symptoms: a sensation of post being kicked in the testicles, along with a weird pulling / raking sensation (this remains pretty consistent, but severity oscillates)
Cramps, typically day 1 start just under the ribs, then as time passes, move down again severity oscillates, but at least this more intermittent (& walking definitely does not help no matter what anyone says)).
as for any woman suffering with endometriosis, my heart goes out to them, particularly the “just get on with” attitude that is thrown of them, I just cant imagine how bad that is.
I’ve been tracking all of this to make sure if i need to do anything to fit in with my 2 week mentally & physically clear period (particularly the mental side, essentially i seem to have 10 or 12 days where i don’t know if up is down, etc. just fuzzy headed and of course i can get a bit spiky at this point (yes i did loudly shout at my boss so the whole building could hear, during my third cycle, which i would never have done normally)).
oh i forgot mention during my two’ish weeks clear, I also get 1 or 2 days back to back normally where my libido spikes and that again can be really overwhelming
(to clarify my libido has very much changed in nature, but since being on HRT it’s been completely flat lined, other than the days mentioned above, everything works, obviously i don’t produce sperm anymore due atrophy & i know i should ensure that i do whatever regularly to maintain full length to suit SRS later, but honestly I rarely do (e.g. less than once a month), it’s a chore & i’d normally much rather sleep).
As for mental & personality changes, the 6 month mark was huge.
All in all, its a learning curve.
& from what I can gather the changes are going to just keep on coming for next decade & more.
Sorry forgot about the sexuality bit:
I was formally closer to straight /demi than anything else, so previously my partners have Bi-women & long term relationships.
Mainly because I have always been very picky with men & it’s just never gone anywhere when i have been interested just because wrong time, wrong place (hence the 95% straight comment (& no i still haven’t got my head around the idea that would actually be technically 95% queer yet, one step at a time & all that )).
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Gosh, given the units, your estrogen is very low (postmenopausal levels)
You need fertile female levels of E2 to transition, try injections!With progesterone, try rectal administration.
If you need an endo, I can recommend one.
Regarding sexuality, maybe you looking more feminine means you can attract the type of guys that you’re attracted to easier? You mentioned that you’ve always been picky with guys.
Hi Emily,
Here’s my latest blood results (taken on the 2nd day of pseudo cycle):
Testosterone:- 0.84nm/l (glad to see this is dropping)
Oestrogen:- 476 pmo/l (how this has dropped i’ve no idea, so I’ve bumped to 5mg evenings & 3mg on the mornings)
prolactin:- 879 mu/l (this is still really high but effectively unchanged)
One thing that has shown up this time around is low folic acid (not due to diet), so this is likely exacerbating my pseudo cycle.
Hi Emily,
I should be getting my new bloods results shortly, so i’ll post those as an update, this will also include my iron levels as there’s concern as to why my cycling fatigue & fainting spells inline with pseudo m.cycle (I forgot to include this earlier, along with morning hot flashes (which is an understatement)) during the first couple of days of pseudo m.cycle.
Also I already have a partner (although she is concerned if my entirely sexuality flips, what then?), but in regards to attracting men, that’s never been problem.
Well, I’m a very sexual person. I’ve noticed a lowering of my libido since going on HRT. And my equipment doesn’t work like it used to. But my libido is still very much there. I’ve made adjustments to how I experience sex. I still sleep with women….CIS and trans. And I’ve been with a couple of guys. I feel like I’m exploring a whole new world and I love it. I would consider myself pansexual at this point. 10 years ago I was strictly hetero.
/EA
In many ways, Life is an experience of discovery. By discovery, I mean coming to a realization of something that you didn’t know about yourself.
In 1997 I had my first sexual experience with a man. I didn’t need to be convinced or cajoled. There was no hesitation or fear. I was completely in the moment and could feel every sensation and nuance. I didn’t feel that I was doing anything out of character or that was even a taboo, actually. That was a revelation to me.
2003 was the first time that I went out dressed. I was living in Corning, NY at the time. My friend was living in Ithaca, which was 45 miles away. She would become my 2nd wife a couple of years later. Anyway, she wanted to attend a Halloween showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show on the Cornell University campus. The deal was that you could get in for free if you crossdressed. I resisted at first, but she eventually wore me down. It was the first time that I ever wore a dress. As we were driving from her place to the campus, I did feel a bit nervous because a number of people who work for Corning, Inc. live in Ithaca. But, I soon got over that and realized that I felt comfortable in the clothes. To finish the story, my friend was dressed in a black turtleneck, black tights and a black tutu with a lavender strap-on underneath. The ushers were marginally able to show us to our seats for the shock and laughter. And of course, Pat being who she is, just had to flash them!
Anyway, as a result of those two discoveries, I began to understand my sexual orientation and gender identity. Anyway, it’s funny how unusual circumstances can provide a wealth of information.
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Ya think DeeAnn! LOL!
My entire journey has been one unusual circumstance after another! Yes lots of discoveries!
But seriously, my first queer experience was with another trans-woman. Several years ago in Palm Springs. She’s a good friend. It just happened. Totally unplanned. I think the spontaneity added to the intimacy. It just felt right. Completely natural. Neither one of us felt inhibited at all. That night opened the door to liasons with a variety of LGBTQ people. I wish it happened sooner.
Those visits to PS were the catalyst for figuring out my gender identity. It started out with me presenting as female….crossdressing….taking a holiday from reality. I came to realize those holidays were my reality….and boy mode was faking it.
Thanks for sharing DeeAnn!
/EA
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Sure! I take that as part of the reason why I am here.
I’ve come to understand that, in many ways, I am a collection of unusual experiences. Any individual one, not so much, but taken in aggregate it presents a different picture. I can’t say why exactly, but it represents how things happened for me. Perhaps it may be useful for others and spark some different thinking to actually see this in black and white.
Things that I have done include:
- Formerly Chair, Cathedral City Public Arts Commission
- Board Member, LGBTQ Community Center of the Desert
- Driven a few race cars, most notably a NASCAR Pavement Modified, and helped a friend maintain his.
- Mechanical engineer for 43 years, including machine design, computer programming, simulation programming, and project management; held a PE license for 30+ years and have 2 patents
- Presented a paper before an international symposium
- Been to the top of a number of the tallest structures in the world including the Eiffel Tower, the CN Tower, Taipei 101, the Empire State Building, Seattle Space Needle, the Seoul Tower and walked outside around the top of the Sydney Tower
- Did stand-up
- In training to be a docent at the Palm Springs Air Museum
- Spent time in 9 countries for work including 6 years in Taiwan and 2 countries for personal trips
- Attended motorsports event all over the US from Formula 1 to USAC Midgets. Currently planning a trip to Laguna Seca in September for the last IndyCar race of the season
- Built a Hackintosh 8+ years ago for my desktop computer and updated the hardware twice
- Amateur photographer from 620 roll film as a teenager through 35mm and digital since 2005
- Mid-century architecture fan, particularly the works of Frank Lloyd Wright. Have visited 7 of his works over the years.
- I LOVE Silk! My wardrobe includes a number of silk blouses, pants and jackets (all purchased from thrift stores).
- In various homes that I’ve owned I’ve done carpentry, copper, PVC and galvanized piping, painting, roofing, light electrical work and glazing.
- About to start being a reviewer for grant proposals to the California Arts Council
As the late journalist Harry Reasoner once said:
”If there is a pattern there, I fail to discern it.”
I can’t say that I have planned a lot, but I have been good at recognizing what appeals to me and recognizing opportunities.
One of the sporting goods chains has a slogan: Just Get Out There!
To change topics, over the years I’ve read MANY messages, here and on other forums, where people say that they wished they had not denied their real feelings so long, came out sooner, etc. However, the question is: Had they done these things earlier, were they really ready at that point in time? That’s a real question mark for me and I suspect that it would be for others also. Had we come out as a crossdresser or as a transgender person earlier in life, would we have been prepared to make the necessary choices and sacrifices? I’m fairly certain that I would not have and I suspect that would be true for many others.
Anyway, the point is I think we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over the timing in our lives. I think it would have been far worse to have started doing what we needed at an earlier time, but abandoned it because we were not ready.
Hi Emily,
I’m also bisexual but I’ve found that since most women are straight I’m shy to initiate with them (but I’m never shy with men) hence most of my experiences are with men. How have you been meeting women and did you find it got easier or harder to attract women (cis and trans) after transitioning?Hi Emily,
One of the nice things about HRT is my shyness disappeared and my confidence soared. I flirt with women and men whenever the mood strikes me (not often). It’s much easier to meet and attract women since I started transitioning.
/EA
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Fascinating! Besides personality, do you think women are also more physically attracted to you now that you’ve transitioned?
Also, do you find them to be more receptive to talking to you?
It goes against what most people assume, but I have a theory as to why 🙂
I think they are. But I think it’s more than looks or personality. I think the vibe I give them is a factor. Bear in mind most of the socializing I do these days is in LGBTQ friendly spaces. I suspect most of the women I’ve flirted with are bi or lesbians. They’re definitely more receptive now.
Curious what your theory is….
/EA
Interesting! My theory is that given that there is much more male sexual competition/supply then female competition/supply, so being a woman will make it much easier to receive interest, regardless of which gender you’re trying to attract. And the more convincingly female you are, the more interest you’ll receive. Has been consistent with my experience and many of my trans friends. Easier to get with men AND women, interestingly. However a lot of trans womens bloodwork shows too little progesterone, estrogen & testosterone and too much prolactin…so usually their libido tanks and they’re unable to take advantage of their new opportunities! I keep my progesterone, testosterone and estrogen at the top of the range for a 20 year old, and my libido is way higher than when I was a teenage boy. To the level that if I ever have a stressful day I can convert it into an amazing day simply by initiating passionate sex with someone that I’m attracted to. So the extra opportunities is a welcome boon.
I suppose the “numbers game” is a factor. I’ve seen anecdotal evidence of this myself. Obviously, how we present can influence how much attention we get. Yes, attractive girls tend to get more attention. But how we present is more than skin deep. Some girls give off a vibe….or an energy….that naturally attracts attention. And I think that counters ratio imbalances and compliments appearance.
I can look good with a little effort. And I’m clearly trans to anyone paying attention. I get hit on often by girls and guys. I’m not trying to attract attention. It just happens. There isn’t much to think about other than it makes life more interesting!
I wasn’t aware prolactin influences libido. I’ll have to look for a clinical study on that. My E and P are on the high end, and T on the low end of female ranges. Maybe that explains why my libido didn’t diminish much when I started HRT. I’ve never had my prolactin level checked.
/EA
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Dee:
One point to remember is that trans people can have any sexuality that cisgender people do.
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I absolutely appreciate that, but what I obviously was badly attempting to communicate was the question of how other transgender people experience this phenom.
(During full HRT transition people have 33% of their sexuality changing, even completely reversing).
Which from my experience occurs quickly & can be a bit of roller coaster ride (literally flip flopping multiple times per day), so I questioning how other people have experienced this side effect, which for whatever reason a lot of transgender people don’t really talk about.
But it is part of transitioning so it seems a worthwhile topic.
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The reason behind what I said is that there are some trans women who assume that they should be attracted to men and then are surprised when they are not. It is just another odd way in which we sometimes manifest the stereotypically rigid sexual orientation mindset.
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I remember reading an article about 25 years ago where they stated that about 40% of MtF transgenders identified as lesbian. I found this to be very reassuring to me, because I was never interested in the idea of having a male partner, and after 7 months of HRT my sexual preference hasn’t changed. Speaking about HRT, I’ve read on several medical websites that a lost of libido for the first 18 months is normal.
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I concur with DeeAnn that there are misconceptions and yes, I too had some of them until I took the time to try and make sense of it for myself.
Genitals can be male, female or both (intersex) at birth. This is how a stereotypical “gender” is assigned in our current heteronormative society.
Attraction to others can be opposite sex (heterosexual), same sex (homosexual), both (bisexual) or neither (asexual).
Gender is how you perceive yourself irrespective of your genitalia or attraction to others. Gender can align with genitals while attraction to others can be any of the above. For transpeople gender does not align with their genitals while attraction to others can be any of the above.
Is this confusing? Yes, but not anywhere near as confusing as trying to figure out which stereotypical box you are supposed to be in after opting to transition. I have, at this point in my treatment, come to appreciate that I am Gender-Fluid which means I fall somewhere near the middle of the gender spectrum.
When I was presenting as a male and married to a woman I masked as a heterosexual male, albeit not your typical cis male. My sex was male, my attraction was to the opposite sex and no one knew that inside part of me was female. I occupied the stereotypical boxes. Everything changed after my soulmate died.
Now that I am in my 2nd year of transition I am still attracted to cis women but so far none of them see me as a suitable mate. I have yet to meet a male that I find attractive but I am not ruling that out anymore since I found myself attracted to a crossdressing homosexual. At this point the attraction is still in it’s infancy so I have no idea if that will even go anywhere.
Yesterday I bumped into a female acquaintance that I had been seeing casually until she moved away. She is back now and made it clear that she still wanted to be my friend. Will that go anywhere? I have no idea so I am still in limbo.
As far as my libido goes I had a normal sex drive and intimate relationship with my spouse, nothing kinky even though she was aware that I cross dressed in private. After starting HRT I am experiencing another bout of puberty but this time with a variation I never anticipated. Please note that I am taking estrogen supplements while not taking anything to suppress my testosterone.
One of my misconceptions was that estrogen would prevent me from having erections. The opposite seems to be the case but what I never expected was the ability to have multiple orgasms with and without erections.
In summary HRT and sexuality changes are weird and wonderful all at the same time. Nothing is going to force me to go back into that stereotypical box even if I never find another special person to share my new life. I am happy to be who I am now and I don’t care if I don’t fit into any silly boxes.
I am a transperson and I can relate to other transpersons who are experiencing similar changes to my own. My sex is closer to androgenous, my attraction is open and accepting and I am genderfluid given that I perceive things as both male and female. That places me somewhere on the spectrum and I am quite happy not belonging in a stereotypical box any longer.
Kind regards, Rowena👩🦳
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Rowena:
Note that gender fluidity relates to some degree of fluctuation in ones gender perceptions. There is no particular time frame or degree associated with it; just change.
In my case, what finally occurred to me was that my perception of my gender combined male and female elements, but essentially the relative position, split or balance (however one wishes to view it) doesn’t change for me. Non-binary, as a definition, seems to be a good description of how things sit for me.
As an example of how this plays out for me, this morning I was watching the Formula 1 Sprint race from Austria and surfing ETSY for a new pair of wedges. Some would see a contradiction in that, but I never have. It is just what I do.
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