I am scared, the woman inside me is not.

[Anonymous]

It took me so long to get where I am. And I have so much further go to be where I want.

I know I’m transgender. And I know I want to transition into a woman. But doing it now, would not be ideal. So I wait.

And every day, my need to become a woman grows stronger.

I’m not on HRT, but I constantly think about when I could start it. And another feeling that recently became overwhelming is my gender dysphoria. I do not want to have a penis any more. I wish it would magically turn into a vagina.

I admit, while everything feels very exciting, I am so scared of having to come out. And I think anybody who has had to come out as transgender is among the bravest and strongest people alive.

But I can feel the scales tipping towards NEEDING to come out. I realized that when I’m letting the woman inside me live her life, I am more than just happier, I’m braver too.

When I’m a man, at work, or with family and I start to think, “Could I actually come out as trans?” it gets very intimidating. But when I’m alone, dressed in women’s clothes and being my true feminine self, coming out as transgender to the world doesn’t even register as a fear. It’s like the woman inside me knows that my need to live as a woman is SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL than what anybody will think of me if I come out. The woman I truly am doesn’t see being transgender as a fear, she sees it as a fact. I want that feeling to stay. I want to be the powerful, brave, confident woman that I see in the mirror when I’m dressed up, to be in control always.

 

[Rozalyne Richards]

Hi Jessi I’m afraid just like that  when I’m in my drab man clothes I’m so scared of actually trying to tell people the truth about me that i get so scared I’m even scared of my own shadow, but when I’m dressed as Rozalyne in my own home i feel so much stronger and confident i could take on the world, thank you for sharing your story with us xxxxx hugs Rozalyne x

[Anonymous]

Thank you Rozalyne. It honestly means so much to me that you took time to reply. I often feel so alone in my thoughts and so confined to the physical spaces that I have set for myself, that just knowing you have read my words and can empathize with my feelings makes me want to cry.

Since coming out to my own self a little over a year ago, I have changed a lot emotionally. And it’s been overwhelming at times. I’ve been putting on a man’s mask my whole life, and realizing that is so scary.

It feels like the only person that I can draw strength from is Jessi (my true self). And so, the more I am her, the stronger, happier and more confident I feel. But that also means, when I’m not her, I begin feeling more lost than I did before. So I need her more and more every day.

It’s so difficult to focus on anything when I’m not her. I just want to be her forever.

[Victoria Egger]

Hi Jessi

You are at the right place for help and support as you go forward. I’m new here myself and I have a lot of question to ask myself about Victoria. I Love being Vicki, and I know that I’m happier being Vicki. There have been times I would like to cut off my penis.

I have been crossdressing most all my life. I feel most comfortable when dressing as a Woman. I act like a lady when I am dress like one too.

At 72 I most likely stay as I’m. If I was much younger I might have gone all the way Hopefully when I come back in the next life, I will come back as Girl and grow up to Womanhood. We are all together on this journey and we will do just fine getting there.

Love Ya
Vicki E

[𝓜𝒾𝓈𝓈 𝓒𝓁ℴℯ́ 💋💋]

Self acceptance is the enlightenment that reveals everything else that was hidden.  The box that the old self struggles against is every bit as constraining as the closet that Jessi just opened the door on.

Knowing what that box is formed from, commitments, values, contract, promises will help in breaking it into chunks to deal with.  Don’t try to take them in whole.  You certainly didn’t put them all together at the same time so practice some self care in how you approach it.

Most of all you didn’t build the box all alone.  Seek help in dealing with the pieces.  Counselors, friends, sister sojourners, supportive spiritual counselors if so inclined and once you cross that threshold, family.  You are not alone and like anything in life will need a team to help you.

Like a mountain climber,  be purposeful and thoughtful in your approach, preparations and support to achieve summiting that mountain before you.

Love, ambassador Cloe

[Author]

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