I came out as gender-queer (cue the grammatically dubious pronouns)

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  • #100630

    Few people can use ‘they, them, theirs’ very well, but everybody tries.   Regardless of how much of a secret ] may or may not have been (definitely not) over the years, it takes some balls to wear a dress or any femme clothes when you are not passing.  It’s taken 25 years to have the courage to do this.

    I think I’ll try to start a nonbinary topic, I’d love to hear from others who just say no to choosing only one gender.

    Uber love to all the transwomen here, especially those who came out later in life,  you are my heroes.


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    • #100648

      I am transfeminine.   Although I feel more female, and dress female, I don’t sound female and don’t look particularly female.  So I don’t really pass as female, and not sure I pass as male anymore, so non-binary seem more appropriate.

      If I am asked if I am a he or she, I say she, but prefer they.

      If asked if I am a Mr or Ms, I say Ms but prefer Mx.

      My work, bank, doctor’s surgery all have me down as Mx now.   Most businesses that I have accounts with have me as Mx, but if it isn’t an option then it’s Ms.


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      • #100833

        O Sharon i think you are so pretty and such a fem. hugs

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    • #100641
      DeeAnn Hopings

      Sort of an odd deal, but sometimes before I leave my house, 2 or 3 bathroom visits are needed. I haven’t figured out exactly why that happens. I can see it before going to an upscale fundraiser, for example, but an organized walk for 14-16 people; many of whom I already knew? Doesn’t make sense and when I am actually out in public, there is no problem. Curious…

      I haven’t followed stick and ball sports since ‘92 or ‘93. Essentially TV coverage of motorsports pushed it out of my consciousness. If it’s loud and fast, I need to be there!

      While dramatic movies and TV programs are among my favorites, blow-em-up/shoot-em-ups also still remain favorites. Back in the time when I thought I was a crossdresser, I realized that I only had 1 personality. I didn’t become someone else when I dressed. That was an early sign for me that I was something other than a crossdresser.

      For me, a liking for and appreciation of feminine things has always been with me. Coming from your perspective, I agree with what you said about “allowed yourself”. Quite possibly that will begin to relax over time, but it isn’t a major thing. I believe that I know women who do not own any makeup items and would probably break out in a rash if they found themselves in Ulta or Sephora…

      • #100672

        Hi all,

        Ms Polly Stewart here! Oh, I identify as female nowadays and my papers confirm that. I have to visit with my wife’s granddaughters tomorrow so I will be ‘cross dressing’ as we haven’t told that family yet. I used the word ‘crossdressing’ to my wife and we both had a laugh at that! How completely odd… the table have been turned… I have to present as a male for a day?!

        What would I actually identify as? Trans lesbian! Though I love the term ‘lipstick lesbian’


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        • #100738
          DeeAnn Hopings

          Yes, I agree that Lipstick Lesbian is also appropriate for me. Definitely not a Dyke on a Bike…

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          • #100767

            Dyke on a bike! Yikes! That also sounds like me…

            I try and ride my bike as much as is possible but tucking and riding a mountain bike is a step too far! My road bike is way more comfortable!
            I still wear lippy though…

            Polly on the pedals 🚴🏼‍♀️

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          • #100769
            DeeAnn Hopings

            You know, the actual reference is to dykes on motorcycles. Physical fitness is optional…

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          • #100774

            Well… as a dyke I have to be fit! What do you think?

          • #100790
            DeeAnn Hopings

            Just an observation that many who ride Harleys don’t seem to be in shape. Seems to be the opposite for folks who ride sport bikes.

            Anyway, I was a roadie good for 55-60 miles. I had a mild stroke in the Fall of 2016 and haven’t been back on my bike yet. No memory or speech issues, but my balance is about 80%-90% of what it was. The sad part is that my previous bike, a 2005 steel Ritchey BreakAway, was stolen several months before that. Between me and my insurance company, I upgraded to a carbon 2016 BreakAway. Both bikes Campagnolo equipped. I probably didn’t get 150 miles on the new bike before the stroke.

            Anyway, I’ve been fixin’ ta get back on the bike. I need to for several reasons…

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          • #100853


            I have a custom carbon frame made by and old friend in the Envy company. It’s a 900gram frame and together with a SRAM Red group set weighs in at exactly 7kgs! It’s not as fast to accelerate as my older Cervelo R3 by goes down hills and corners as if on rails!
            I’ve had to change saddles to accomodate ‘tucking’ but all in all a better ride than my mnt bike. Just gotta ride every day…

            Today was fab as I teamed up with an attractive younger woman (talk about dyke on a bike) who, I think, was hitting on me! Even after I explained my gender transition. We had hit about 40 kms before we both realised we need to get back before dark…
            We are meeting up again in a couple of days!

            Good thing I was wearing lipstick!

    • #100634
      DeeAnn Hopings

      I think of myself in terms of being transgender and non-binary. What I eventually figured out is that I have no interest in physically transitioning. I have never felt that I was in the wrong body, as the idea is stated. Therefore, I don’t have dysphoria about it.

      However, I realized that I have always been an amalgam of male and female thoughts, perspectives, likes/dislikes, interests, feelings, etc. I am equally up for conversations about the last Formula 1 race as I am for how to accessorize a particular outfit. Typically I present as female, but there are some situations where I choose not to do that. I always present as Don when I take my car to be serviced. I also did not dress recently when we went for our vaccine appointments. I didn’t want people to be distracted by trying to reconcile my presentation with my documentation. I prefer to present as female, but it isn’t a problem for me when I choose not to do that.

      Late in life?!?!

      I came out publicly on 10/10/2015 at the age of 67. I was Mistress of Ceremonies for an annual entertainment event, free to attend, put on by our LGBT employee affinity group. Ian Harvie was our entertainer and there were about 130 people in attendance. ~10 were co-workers. However, it wasn’t a big deal for me as I had already planned to retire ~4 months later.

      • #100638

        I can relate a lot.  Going out alone presenting feminine is still a little scary for me, but I don’t see that changing much unless I exclusively hang out in the small part of town where it’s not an issue.

        I have noticed that wearing boy clothes in public is a safe place for me if I’m overly stressed or anxious.   I don’t like presenting male for only that reason though- I’ve done that for 40 years.

        And yeah, haven’t been into sports for 10 years or so (used to love MMA), but I love loud, aggressive heavy metal music, playing and listening- video games, and violent movies of all genres.

        Having said that, I feel like I have not allowed myself to try to like anything seen as feminine.  I’ve been reading more books by female writers in female perspectives.  And, maybe I do like romantic movies, I just need to try to watch a whole one.  Definitely not muscials, though.

        67?  That is so cool.  Definitely my hero.

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