- August 29, 2019 at 10:53 am #36540Olivia WolcottParticipant
So I am extremely new to this in someways, while at the same time, it feels very old and familiar. I know I’m Trans. I know I’m more than someone who just enjoys dressing up and pretending to be a woman. that realization hit a while back. and it hit hard. I’ve been thinking a lot about transitioning and have taken small steps toward that. but I want to take bigger steps. like HRT, but, I guess what I wonder is, I know I am trans, but am I transgender? or am I something else….
two people have told me they think I’m just gender fluid, but if I’m only gender fluid, why do I wish I was a woman all the time? I don’t understand. maybe you all can help?
- December 9, 2019 at 12:00 am #53727Debi SaundersParticipantFREE
About 25 years ago I was living as gender fluid. I wore male clothes and presented as male at work, wore female clothes but kept a male identity for moat of my non work time and presented fully as a woman a few times a month. I made a decision that to be a parent I had to hide Debi.
I have gained three kids and a loving wife not have lost myself. Now Debi is coming out again and this time I think I will live fully as a woman once I reaolve family issues. Be yourself and don’t let society pigeonhole you. You are Olivia. She will always be there. You can decide how much you reveal her to the world but she exists. She is you!
Love in sisterhood
- November 21, 2019 at 9:17 am #53485LeslieAnneParticipantFREE
Hi Olivia , the term trans or transgender is a name placed upon us , some have said we are cross dressers , even gay . People seem to think just because we dress as women or are submissive in our actions we are out to get laid and this is just not so . The way you feel , the way you think inside , this is you , the labels will come and go they’re just mirage . Every lady i’ve met here is so sweet and careing , being fem brings such a wonder feeling to you , so many suffer in silence and never have a chance to experience their feelings ,coming out , or just being , are you trans or transgender ? who cares . Look in the mirror when all dolled up , thats who you are . Olivia enjoy your feelings , and think how lucky you are to be this way . XOXO Leslie
- November 21, 2019 at 11:36 am #53486
- November 19, 2019 at 11:05 pm #53474
Thanks DeeAnn, most excellent reminder!!
- November 18, 2019 at 12:06 pm #53447
Thanks Miriya, good advice. It’s funny you say that, I follow what I call the 3 degree rule. A gentle, somtimes more pointed effort, applied over time = results.
I am recalling now that plateaus are an excellent opportunity for contemplation and processing. I’m focusing more on improving my character in a general sense right now.
- November 18, 2019 at 8:24 am #53442
Am I kidding myself? I have been telling myself that I am at, where I was meant to be with self-acceptance, identity, comfortable with exactly who I am.
But am I kidding myself? Maybe I’ve just become complacent. Is this the end of the line for me, or a plateau? I really don’t know?
Insights? Advice? Personal experience? Please share, all thoughts welcome and appreciated.
- November 18, 2019 at 10:24 am #53445
When we make the effort to understand deeply seated aspects of our personalities, it is important to remember that nothing about this self-discovery happens in a linear fashion. We go through times of progress, no progress, rapid progress and glacially swift progress. It is very unpredictable. I suspect that any attempts to force progress will likely result in skipping steps and possibly arriving at incorrect conclusions.
In some ways, delving into our innermost, innermost, is like making tea. You have to allow it to steep. You have to give yourself time to process the thoughts and ideas that surface.
- November 19, 2019 at 8:01 am #53459
I couldn’t agree more, DeeAnn… thanks 🙂
1 user thanked author for this post.
- November 19, 2019 at 10:49 am #53462
One question I often put to people:
For whatever age that you are: 18, 38, 58, etc.; it was a long time in getting to this place. Why then is it necessary to figure out your orientation or gender identity next week? I don’t recall anyone every having an answer to that…
- November 18, 2019 at 10:13 am #53444Miriya ParisParticipantSILVER
Hello Stephanie, your questions are only natural. Are you at a plateau? Maybe but I assume you are human. The one constant of humans is that we change over time, if we did not we would have been extinct long ago. I read some where if you are not growing/changing/getting better at least at a rate of 5% because of the natural destruction of life you are actually going in reverse in life. So if you really have reached a non-growth or plateau your process as to self identity will be losing ground. Unfortunately I have been around long enough to confirm this truth of life. To grow better, to strive for more, to change is a part of life. If you accept that even revel in it your days will be a much happy place.
- November 14, 2019 at 5:04 pm #53332
- November 11, 2019 at 3:22 pm #53278Brenda LeighParticipantFREE
Definition: Trans is short for transgender!!
Stop listening to other people’s opinions and make up your mind using the intelligence God have you!!! Go see a gender therapist, it is the best thing you can do for yourself!!
Sorry if I sound blunt….
- September 3, 2019 at 7:01 am #36607AmeliaParticipantSILVER
Enjoy being yourself Olivia. Rather than question your own proclivities just be. According to “Desiderata” life will be unfolding as it should.
- September 2, 2019 at 9:54 am #36594Miriya ParisParticipantSILVER
Olivia, we all have/or do wonder these questions here on TGH at times and I think the terms might give clarity but more so for doctors then for you. At least it is that way for me. You really have to look past the terms and fluff and do a good self analysis as to your gender.
Here are some simple steps to take. First is understand what gender is and as we her are mostly concerned with the mind and how this gender thinks and such you must look at that aspect as well. There are several books out there on the subject but one the better ones I have found is: ‘Men are from Mars women are from Venus’ . It is simple and through example shows kind of how the different genders think. With a general knowledge of gender in hand you can then go about self analysis and be honest with your self as to how you think, what you want, and what through example in your life really is. You will find as everyone on the planet will find that no-one is 100% female or male they have traits of each. For example I am about 50% female and 30% male in my mind, about 50% female 20% male in actions, and what I want is for my body and social image to see me as 70% female. The rest of the world/society sees me no where near the correct truth, so they are of little value in self analysis. And that society image will change as I change they still wont see the correct truth.
As to what you want and how strong that desire is use this test. On a daily or weekly basis how much time do you spend thinking about your gender issues and how intense is the emotions behind the need to change. If you spend 2 hours a week and it is a fleeting fancy you can brush of with a distraction. Then you are fairly mild in both areas. If you think more then on average 6hrs a day and you must change your gender or kill your self you have it pretty bad. In the later case you might want to see an expert.
Also I have found for myself the intensity and time spent of my gender issues fluctuates over time, like a cycle. I am on a seasonal cycle about every 3 months, a yearly cycle over the year and I have noticed a liner growth over decades. This long term liner growth is what I believe leads to the latter in life transitioning. We all are however different people, so what you discover is yours, only bits an trends can you gleam from any one of us or as a whole.
Good luck in your seacrh.
- August 31, 2019 at 8:02 am #36560CC WebbManaging AmbassadorMANAGING AMBASSADOR
Olivia, you are you. It’s easy to fall into the trap of choosing a label that seems to fit then trying to mold yourself to all that goes with it. So best thing you can do is become familiar with the definitions snd see if anything fits you, not the other way around. Another issue is that people can change as they discover more about themselves so don’t get locked in either. If you find yourselves struggling with any of it you may want to seek a gender counselor to help you sort it our for yourself. So here’s a good link for current terminology and definitions from the Human Rights Campaign. https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms?utm_source=GS&utm_medium=AD&utm_campaign=BPI-HRC-Grant&utm_content=276004739478&utm_term=gender%20identity%20definition&gclid=CjwKCAjwtajrBRBVEiwA8w2Q8CMHJJQzrcC7OCvfFeRhrxEV0sO3vwxaf9a1Xg0xFAKoeSN6vdLI8hoCaPQQAvD_BwE
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