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So I am extremely new to this in someways, while at the same time, it feels very old and familiar. I know I’m Trans. I know I’m more than someone who just enjoys dressing up and pretending to be a woman. that realization hit a while back. and it hit hard. I’ve been thinking a lot about transitioning and have taken small steps toward that. but I want to take bigger steps. like HRT, but, I guess what I wonder is, I know I am trans, but am I transgender? or am I something else….
two people have told me they think I’m just gender fluid, but if I’m only gender fluid, why do I wish I was a woman all the time? I don’t understand. maybe you all can help?
Olivia, you are you. It’s easy to fall into the trap of choosing a label that seems to fit then trying to mold yourself to all that goes with it. So best thing you can do is become familiar with the definitions snd see if anything fits you, not the other way around. Another issue is that people can change as they discover more about themselves so don’t get locked in either. If you find yourselves struggling with any of it you may want to seek a gender counselor to help you sort it our for yourself. So here’s a good link for current terminology and definitions from the Human Rights Campaign. https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms?utm_source=GS&utm_medium=AD&utm_campaign=BPI-HRC-Grant&utm_content=276004739478&utm_term=gender%20identity%20definition&gclid=CjwKCAjwtajrBRBVEiwA8w2Q8CMHJJQzrcC7OCvfFeRhrxEV0sO3vwxaf9a1Xg0xFAKoeSN6vdLI8hoCaPQQAvD_BwE
Olivia, we all have/or do wonder these questions here on TGH at times and I think the terms might give clarity but more so for doctors then for you. At least it is that way for me. You really have to look past the terms and fluff and do a good self analysis as to your gender.
Here are some simple steps to take. First is understand what gender is and as we her are mostly concerned with the mind and how this gender thinks and such you must look at that aspect as well. There are several books out there on the subject but one the better ones I have found is: ‘Men are from Mars women are from Venus’ . It is simple and through example shows kind of how the different genders think. With a general knowledge of gender in hand you can then go about self analysis and be honest with your self as to how you think, what you want, and what through example in your life really is. You will find as everyone on the planet will find that no-one is 100% female or male they have traits of each. For example I am about 50% female and 30% male in my mind, about 50% female 20% male in actions, and what I want is for my body and social image to see me as 70% female. The rest of the world/society sees me no where near the correct truth, so they are of little value in self analysis. And that society image will change as I change they still wont see the correct truth.
As to what you want and how strong that desire is use this test. On a daily or weekly basis how much time do you spend thinking about your gender issues and how intense is the emotions behind the need to change. If you spend 2 hours a week and it is a fleeting fancy you can brush of with a distraction. Then you are fairly mild in both areas. If you think more then on average 6hrs a day and you must change your gender or kill your self you have it pretty bad. In the later case you might want to see an expert.
Also I have found for myself the intensity and time spent of my gender issues fluctuates over time, like a cycle. I am on a seasonal cycle about every 3 months, a yearly cycle over the year and I have noticed a liner growth over decades. This long term liner growth is what I believe leads to the latter in life transitioning. We all are however different people, so what you discover is yours, only bits an trends can you gleam from any one of us or as a whole.
Good luck in your seacrh.
Miriya
💋💋💋
Am I kidding myself? I have been telling myself that I am at, where I was meant to be with self-acceptance, identity, comfortable with exactly who I am.
But am I kidding myself? Maybe I’ve just become complacent. Is this the end of the line for me, or a plateau? I really don’t know?
Insights? Advice? Personal experience? Please share, all thoughts welcome and appreciated.
TIA,
Stephanie xo
Hello Stephanie, your questions are only natural. Are you at a plateau? Maybe but I assume you are human. The one constant of humans is that we change over time, if we did not we would have been extinct long ago. I read some where if you are not growing/changing/getting better at least at a rate of 5% because of the natural destruction of life you are actually going in reverse in life. So if you really have reached a non-growth or plateau your process as to self identity will be losing ground. Unfortunately I have been around long enough to confirm this truth of life. To grow better, to strive for more, to change is a part of life. If you accept that even revel in it your days will be a much happy place.
Miriya
💋💋💋When we make the effort to understand deeply seated aspects of our personalities, it is important to remember that nothing about this self-discovery happens in a linear fashion. We go through times of progress, no progress, rapid progress and glacially swift progress. It is very unpredictable. I suspect that any attempts to force progress will likely result in skipping steps and possibly arriving at incorrect conclusions.
In some ways, delving into our innermost, innermost, is like making tea. You have to allow it to steep. You have to give yourself time to process the thoughts and ideas that surface.
Good Luck!!
Thanks Miriya, good advice. It’s funny you say that, I follow what I call the 3 degree rule. A gentle, somtimes more pointed effort, applied over time = results.
I am recalling now that plateaus are an excellent opportunity for contemplation and processing. I’m focusing more on improving my character in a general sense right now.
Thanks, Cheers
Hi Olivia , the term trans or transgender is a name placed upon us , some have said we are cross dressers , even gay . People seem to think just because we dress as women or are submissive in our actions we are out to get laid and this is just not so . The way you feel , the way you think inside , this is you , the labels will come and go they’re just mirage . Every lady i’ve met here is so sweet and careing , being fem brings such a wonder feeling to you , so many suffer in silence and never have a chance to experience their feelings ,coming out , or just being , are you trans or transgender ? who cares . Look in the mirror when all dolled up , thats who you are . Olivia enjoy your feelings , and think how lucky you are to be this way . XOXO Leslie
Hi Olivia
About 25 years ago I was living as gender fluid. I wore male clothes and presented as male at work, wore female clothes but kept a male identity for moat of my non work time and presented fully as a woman a few times a month. I made a decision that to be a parent I had to hide Debi.
I have gained three kids and a loving wife not have lost myself. Now Debi is coming out again and this time I think I will live fully as a woman once I reaolve family issues. Be yourself and don’t let society pigeonhole you. You are Olivia. She will always be there. You can decide how much you reveal her to the world but she exists. She is you!
Love in sisterhood
Debi
Gender fluid is just a new term in the growing spectrum of tags afforded us. This has added to your confusion Olivia.
Before this confusion you appeared quite happy to see yourself as Trans and wanted to be female all the time.
keep it simple and spend your time focusing on where you are going with it and not silly titles.
Good luck Olivia.
I am speaking for myself, if your experience and your views differ from mine I promise to try not take offense.
You are a cross dresser if you dress in woman’s clothing. When you dress in woman clothes and become sexually aroused you are a cross dresser who gets sexual aroused while wearing woman’s clothing. You still feel male. For some people cross dressing is as far as it ever goes. For others the arousal and the resulting flow of endorphins prompts ever increasing cross dressing and at some point you not only get aroused you actually start to feel like what you perceive to be woman. You are transgender when you feel you are a woman inside a male’s body. Some children feel this way from day one, given the choice of a toy car or a doll, they choose doll. For others they just wake up one day after years of cross dressing and say to themselves I am woman. How and when you arrive at the destination does not really matter as far as being transgender. Transgenders that undergo surgery to change their bodies to make their external physicals characteristics alien with who they believe themselves to be are transsexuals. Myself, I have early memories of liking dolls over toy cars, wearing my mothers lipstick, clip on ear rings, playing house but also liked boys activities, cowboys and Indians, baseball, football, basketball, hunting and fishing and never thought of myself as being or wanting to be a girl growing up. I was a boy that liked women’s things. When I reached puberty I continued to cross dress but now became sexually aroused by wearing women’s clothing but more aroused by women in general. Right now my preference is to present as a woman and will do so when I feel ready. I am still attracted to women, which is called being a transbian?
Hi Olivia (and the other girls who’ve posted their kind thoughts here…)
I spent a lot of time – way too much time really – worrying about labels in my life. Also, I’ve found the labels changed a lot over the last couple of decades.
Since you say you “want to be a woman all the time”. Well since I feel the same, I guess we’d both now be described as “trans” and “transgender” or in the older use “transsexual”. But perhaps your feelings come and go, and sometimes you do really feel male or want to be male… it’s been a few months since your post after all.
We can only share our own experiences and own feelings, rather than speak for others. I do notice for instance than many trans women would just say “I am a woman, wbo was born in the wrong body” rather than “I want to be a woman” or “I should have been a girl”.
That’s something of a journey of self-discovery though. I’m now at a stage in life where I feel myself sliding between both attitudes – wanting to be a woman, or thinking that I already am a eoman. Sometimes it really feels like I have both a male self and a female self inside me, that I want to be and present the female Sophie to the world at all times, and use her name; but I just can’t because the male self is in the way.
The male self has always been a sort of shell around Sophie, which she has used to protect her, and achieve many of the things she wanted, rather successfully in fact (status, career, money, friendships, marriage, children). But it is also a prison, and stops her ever achieving other very basic things she really wants (like relationships with people who actually know her and love her as she is). Mostly Sophie just wants to be seen and accepted as a woman all round, to be unobtrusive and ” fit in” that way, and to face no obstacles to a romantic or sexual relationship with a man if he happens to find her attractive that way.
But given the way my life has evolved, it’s been excruciatingly painful to break that shell apart and discard it, which is one reason it’s taking me so long.
I’m not sure if that relates to your experience or not, but maybe these words can help.
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