I May Never Come "Out"


  • Creator
  • #31761
    Stephanie Jones

    I am seriously considering cosmetic surgery, after a period of becoming a gym rat. A few nice touches to accentuate what I have.


    I am out to one sister and 2 friends at this point, but it is still important to me to be comfortable as my guy self.


    Does anyone else feel that way, and where does that land me on the spectrum. Just trying to find my compass.




    7 users thanked author for this post.
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  • Author
    • #85419
      Chris Landwer


      I do understand. I began HRT 12 months ago and I am getting better at telling myself that haters are not important and it’s their problem. I recommend going out with another dressed trans friend for support. I wish you success.


    • #62033
      DeeAnn Hopings



      Coming to an understanding of ones gender identity is not the work of a minute. To me that suggests seeking some professional help. I won’t say the it is the Be All and the End All, but it can help you understand what is important and to help prioritize what’s happening in your life. It is one thing to say that you need to transition, but how does that play out for other parts of you life? It is possible that some sacrifices may come into play. Can you deal with that? It is a powerful thing to consider what you want your life to look like and doing so consciously and rationally. That represents the best that we can do.

      Does it always work? Of course not, but nothing is perfect, is it? It is entirely possible that it will be necessary to rethink and adjust your plans along the way. However, the key thing is to keep considering what YOU need to do rather than having some decisions made for you. That’s a good way to avoid long lasting resentments…

    • #62027
      Seniko Usenia


      ~Nice!  : )

    • #62020
      Breanna Leigh


      Hi Stephanie,

      My opinion is, do what you feel comfortable with doing. There are no guidelines, no degrees of being a trans person. If you can afford cosmetic surgery/facial feminization and want to do it, you have that right as any person does. Personally, I am very envious and wish you the best of luck.

      Second, coming out and deciding to transition. Again, that is a personal decision and not everybody chooses vaginalplasty and/or breast augmentation.

      I made my decision very quickly, after living in turmoil for over 50 years, I decided full transition. And I fully came out and began living and working as a female. My choice of dress can be androgynous to full en femme, depending on what I’m doing and I feel no need to continue with the male persona I created so long ago. I am just me, sometimes I can come across as male, and other times female, but I am beginning to feel no need to be one or the other, just me.

      The best of Luck in your surgery Hon, and may you get everything you want and need.

      Hugs, Breanna

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #62011
      Stephanie Jones


      Thanks Charlene, that sheds some light on my own situation

      Stephanie xo

    • #53948
      Charlene V


      I have come out as having trans feelings, being “gender broken”, as an occasional crossdresser etc, to a number of people; siblings, children, friends, pastors, counselors, church small groups.

      All seem to have the same reaction, “Oh, OK. We understand. We all have something. That’s just who you are.” They have been polite, certainly much less shocked than I feared. With the exception of my youngest son, a younger sister, and two woman friends very few if any questions were asked. The questions that were asked were rather generic with few asking specifically about me.

      When my first wife found out she made it clear that it was my problem; she wanted nothing to do with it. Eventually she said she could not live with me knowing I was harboring (in no way outwardly expressing nor pressing to do so) this “thing inside me”. She divorced me. I told my second wife while we were dating so she married me knowing I wanted to be a woman.

      So many people know and no one has abandon me (except my first wife) yet neither has  any one ever taken time to really really know just how deeply trans I am.

      I have concluded that as long as I am “generically trans” everyone is OK with this part of me. As long as my being trans in done in secret where they can’t see it, with no affect on their lives they are quite alright with me being trans; even if unbeknown to them it is so negatively impacting me or them through my guarded distant  relationships with them.

      I do suspect should I decide to transition; to become “realistically trans” that opinions would quickly change and it would no longer be OK.

      OK for me, (if that’s what he [not she] has got to do) but not OK for them. So though I am out to many, I may never really come out.

      I am at peace with being a woman who happens to be trans. I love my perspective of womanhood. And as each year passes the stronger and more acceptable being “OK for me” becomes, so in the end I may just finally come out.

    • #32176
      Chris Landwer


      I also understand. I think it’s a major step to be out there and vulnerable but if you do what is comfortable and take baby steps ( there is no hurry) you may gain some confidence. I an a little fem inside and want to experiment dressing. I cannot tell anyone accept those that are here. I think you should do what makes you feel good.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #53970
        Seniko Usenia


        ~I Commented 6 Months Ago…

        ~Yes, I Find It So Perplexing
        That We’re Only Worried About
        Everyone Else’s Feelings, And
        If We Didn’t, I Would’ve Went
        Out With Make-Up On Today,
        Because That Is What “I WOULD
        FEEL” Good About Doing…

        ~It’s Not Fair That We Have To
        Be Uncomfortable, So Everyone
        Else Could Feel Comfortable!

        ~Either Way, If We’re Finally
        On That Journey, Then We Will
        Arrive When We Get There!
        (Personally) I Started HRT 7
        Months Ago, And My Outlook Is
        Let It Just Expose Itself, The
        Medicine Will Gradually Become
        Apparent, And I Won’t Have To
        Go Around Clarifying Myself/An
        Explaining, Excusing, etc.etc.
        Because I Feel My Life Is Mine,
        Not There’s, And I Should Be
        Able To Just Live It, Instead
        Of Feeling Like A TRUCK, That
        Just Turned Into A Car, And Who-
        Ever/Or To Say: “The People” Are
        Like Hey, I Use You As A Truck,
        I Need You As A Truck, And When
        I’m Done I’ll Park You And Carry
        On About My Business, You Can’t
        Just Do That, I’ve Always Seen
        You/And Used You As A Truck…

        Yeah, It’s Not About Your Feelings-
        It’s About Theirs, And It’s Always
        About Their Feelings, And It’s Just
        Not Right, Not Fair, And Sorta Wrong,
        But It’s The TRUTH!

        ~DARCY 🙂

        2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #32180
        Seniko Usenia


        ~Yeah, It Seems That You’re

        Already A Few Steps Ahead

        Of Me… Hm,Hm,Hmph!  : )


        ~Oh` Would You Look At This,

        I Never Really Looked At The

        Texting Box For The List Of

        Different Changes Can Make-

        ~Alrighty, Enough Of That__…=

        ~Thank You For Responding,

        All Of The Information Helps To

        Eliminate All Of The Isolation…!

        : |)


        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #32168
      Stephanie Jones


      I agree Seniko…. I am confidant that my important relationships would survive, but…

      • #32169
        Seniko Usenia


        ~Yeah, And As You Know,

        Everybody Is In A Different


        ~I Really Don’t Wanna Wait

        Until Everyone Has Passed

        On Before I Could Actually

        Fulfill Any Considerations,

        I’m Thinking, Should I Run-

        Away/Re-Locate, It’s Not Fair

        And I Know That It Is Said:

        Nobody Ever Said That Life

        Was Going To Be Fair…

        ~I Been Consumed With The

        Thought Of It For Over 30yrs.

        And Have Always Suppressed

        The Way I Felt An Have Stayed

        Terminator On The Outside-

        (Thwarting All Suspicion)

        ~It’s Weird, I’ll Look Down

        At Myself And See One Thing

        And Then Look Up Into The

        Mirror And See Someone Else

        That Doesn’t Match And Wakes

        Up Reality As To Who I Am And

        How The World Sees Me, Like

        The Difference Is So Much That

        If I Told Somebody, They Would

        Actually Think That I Was Lying

        And Messing With Them…

        You Gotta Love That Bruce Willis

        Movie, The People Could Experience

        Their Life Through A SURROGATE!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #32175
          STEVEN DEW


          I know how you feel. Im that way.the life i live is totally not the way i feel inside. Every one knows me as a very manly man i drive a tractor trailer truck for a living and bild cars for people on the side.but at night when im by my self the woman inside me comes out and i live it .my kids grandbabies and parents could never know the real me.ive thought about moving away so i could be more of whom i am .

          2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #32179
            Seniko Usenia



            ~200+ Years From Now-

            Surely It Will Be Different.

            ~I Went As Far As Gaining

            Weight To Hide 30 Years Ago,

            (And Now I’m Like, Aye, What

            Did I Do?) ~ Sometimes I Say:

            Why Couldn’t I Have Been Born

            That Way, Then Their Would Be

            No Issues Of Acceptance, (People

            Are So Critical And Aggressive!)

            ~That Was A Very Honest Thing

            To Say In Your Post, I Appreciate

            Your Position, And Your Commit-

            Ment, It Feels Good To Hear You…

            ~Thank You!  : )

    • #32156
      Seniko Usenia


      ~I Don’t Think That It’s As Easy

      As Some People Are Saying That

      It Is, Some Are More Flamboyant

      Than Others, Which Leads Everyone

      On A Bit, And So It’s No Real Surprise

      When They Expose How They Had

      Always Felt Internally More Outwardly…

      ~Just Saying,

      `Cuz Personally

      I Envy Ones Who

      Don’t Answer To

      Others, And Can

      Just Be Themselves!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #31776
      Tami C

      HI Stephanie,

      I can relate to the importance of remaining “comfortable as my guy self”. I am out to my older brother (I have three more younger plus a sister, Mom and Dad are passed) and a small handful of friends. Although for myself I have a slightly different perspective, it’s not so much important to me that I can still operate as a male as it is that I just am not ready for the world to know about Tami and THAT’S OKAY.  That rascal fear. Someday soon, my compass is pointing due Tami! 🙂

      Love to you


    • #31772
      Stephanie Jones


      Thanks Xelyn

    • #31769

      Sounds to me like you are genderfluid, able to move along the spectrum freely. I don’t think you have to come out as male or female, but it might be good to be honest with people and tell them that you are both or can be either depending on how you feel in a moment.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #31762
      Stephanie Jones


      The response has been 100% acceptance thus far, with some discomfort, but I have never dressed and just hung out with them.



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