- January 20, 2019 at 11:21 am #31761Stephanie JonesParticipant
I am seriously considering cosmetic surgery, after a period of becoming a gym rat. A few nice touches to accentuate what I have.
I am out to one sister and 2 friends at this point, but it is still important to me to be comfortable as my guy self.
Does anyone else feel that way, and where does that land me on the spectrum. Just trying to find my compass.
- June 12, 2020 at 3:18 am #85419Chris LandwerParticipantFREE
I do understand. I began HRT 12 months ago and I am getting better at telling myself that haters are not important and it’s their problem. I recommend going out with another dressed trans friend for support. I wish you success.
- January 16, 2020 at 9:16 pm #62033DeeAnn HopingsParticipantBRONZE
Coming to an understanding of ones gender identity is not the work of a minute. To me that suggests seeking some professional help. I won’t say the it is the Be All and the End All, but it can help you understand what is important and to help prioritize what’s happening in your life. It is one thing to say that you need to transition, but how does that play out for other parts of you life? It is possible that some sacrifices may come into play. Can you deal with that? It is a powerful thing to consider what you want your life to look like and doing so consciously and rationally. That represents the best that we can do.
Does it always work? Of course not, but nothing is perfect, is it? It is entirely possible that it will be necessary to rethink and adjust your plans along the way. However, the key thing is to keep considering what YOU need to do rather than having some decisions made for you. That’s a good way to avoid long lasting resentments…
- January 16, 2020 at 4:17 pm #62027
~Nice! : )
- January 16, 2020 at 5:26 am #62020Breanna LeighParticipantFREE
My opinion is, do what you feel comfortable with doing. There are no guidelines, no degrees of being a trans person. If you can afford cosmetic surgery/facial feminization and want to do it, you have that right as any person does. Personally, I am very envious and wish you the best of luck.
Second, coming out and deciding to transition. Again, that is a personal decision and not everybody chooses vaginalplasty and/or breast augmentation.
I made my decision very quickly, after living in turmoil for over 50 years, I decided full transition. And I fully came out and began living and working as a female. My choice of dress can be androgynous to full en femme, depending on what I’m doing and I feel no need to continue with the male persona I created so long ago. I am just me, sometimes I can come across as male, and other times female, but I am beginning to feel no need to be one or the other, just me.
The best of Luck in your surgery Hon, and may you get everything you want and need.
- January 15, 2020 at 10:04 pm #62011
Thanks Charlene, that sheds some light on my own situation
- December 23, 2019 at 11:12 am #53948Charlene VParticipantFREE
I have come out as having trans feelings, being “gender broken”, as an occasional crossdresser etc, to a number of people; siblings, children, friends, pastors, counselors, church small groups.
All seem to have the same reaction, “Oh, OK. We understand. We all have something. That’s just who you are.” They have been polite, certainly much less shocked than I feared. With the exception of my youngest son, a younger sister, and two woman friends very few if any questions were asked. The questions that were asked were rather generic with few asking specifically about me.
When my first wife found out she made it clear that it was my problem; she wanted nothing to do with it. Eventually she said she could not live with me knowing I was harboring (in no way outwardly expressing nor pressing to do so) this “thing inside me”. She divorced me. I told my second wife while we were dating so she married me knowing I wanted to be a woman.
So many people know and no one has abandon me (except my first wife) yet neither has any one ever taken time to really really know just how deeply trans I am.
I have concluded that as long as I am “generically trans” everyone is OK with this part of me. As long as my being trans in done in secret where they can’t see it, with no affect on their lives they are quite alright with me being trans; even if unbeknown to them it is so negatively impacting me or them through my guarded distant relationships with them.
I do suspect should I decide to transition; to become “realistically trans” that opinions would quickly change and it would no longer be OK.
OK for me, (if that’s what he [not she] has got to do) but not OK for them. So though I am out to many, I may never really come out.
I am at peace with being a woman who happens to be trans. I love my perspective of womanhood. And as each year passes the stronger and more acceptable being “OK for me” becomes, so in the end I may just finally come out.
- February 7, 2019 at 5:15 am #32176Chris LandwerParticipantFREE
I also understand. I think it’s a major step to be out there and vulnerable but if you do what is comfortable and take baby steps ( there is no hurry) you may gain some confidence. I an a little fem inside and want to experiment dressing. I cannot tell anyone accept those that are here. I think you should do what makes you feel good.
- December 23, 2019 at 7:10 pm #53970
~I Commented 6 Months Ago…
~Yes, I Find It So Perplexing
That We’re Only Worried About
Everyone Else’s Feelings, And
If We Didn’t, I Would’ve Went
Out With Make-Up On Today,
Because That Is What “I WOULD
FEEL” Good About Doing…
~It’s Not Fair That We Have To
Be Uncomfortable, So Everyone
Else Could Feel Comfortable!
~Either Way, If We’re Finally
On That Journey, Then We Will
Arrive When We Get There!
(Personally) I Started HRT 7
Months Ago, And My Outlook Is
Let It Just Expose Itself, The
Medicine Will Gradually Become
Apparent, And I Won’t Have To
Go Around Clarifying Myself/An
Explaining, Excusing, etc.etc.
Because I Feel My Life Is Mine,
Not There’s, And I Should Be
Able To Just Live It, Instead
Of Feeling Like A TRUCK, That
Just Turned Into A Car, And Who-
Ever/Or To Say: “The People” Are
Like Hey, I Use You As A Truck,
I Need You As A Truck, And When
I’m Done I’ll Park You And Carry
On About My Business, You Can’t
Just Do That, I’ve Always Seen
You/And Used You As A Truck…
Yeah, It’s Not About Your Feelings-
It’s About Theirs, And It’s Always
About Their Feelings, And It’s Just
Not Right, Not Fair, And Sorta Wrong,
But It’s The TRUTH!
- February 7, 2019 at 8:25 am #32180
~Yeah, It Seems That You’re
Already A Few Steps Ahead
Of Me… Hm,Hm,Hmph! : )
~Oh` Would You Look At This,
I Never Really Looked At The
Texting Box For The List Of
Different Changes I Can Make-
Enough Of That__…=
~Thank You For Responding,
All Of The Information Helps To
Eliminate All Of The Isolation…!
- February 6, 2019 at 11:17 am #32168
I agree Seniko…. I am confidant that my important relationships would survive, but…
- February 6, 2019 at 12:30 pm #32169
~Yeah, And As You Know,
Everybody Is In A Different
~I Really Don’t Wanna Wait
Until Everyone Has Passed
On Before I Could Actually
Fulfill Any Considerations,
I’m Thinking, Should I Run-
Away/Re-Locate, It’s Not Fair
And I Know That It Is Said:
Nobody Ever Said That Life
Was Going To Be Fair…
~I Been Consumed With The
Thought Of It For Over 30yrs.
And Have Always Suppressed
The Way I Felt An Have Stayed
Terminator On The Outside-
(Thwarting All Suspicion)
~It’s Weird, I’ll Look Down
At Myself And See One Thing
And Then Look Up Into The
Mirror And See Someone Else
That Doesn’t Match And Wakes
Up Reality As To Who I Am And
How The World Sees Me, Like
The Difference Is So Much That
If I Told Somebody, They Would
Actually Think That I Was Lying
And Messing With Them…
You Gotta Love That Bruce Willis
Movie, The People Could Experience
Their Life Through A SURROGATE!
- February 7, 2019 at 4:19 am #32175STEVEN DEWParticipantFREE
I know how you feel. Im that way.the life i live is totally not the way i feel inside. Every one knows me as a very manly man i drive a tractor trailer truck for a living and bild cars for people on the side.but at night when im by my self the woman inside me comes out and i live it .my kids grandbabies and parents could never know the real me.ive thought about moving away so i could be more of whom i am .
- February 7, 2019 at 8:02 am #32179
~200+ Years From Now-
Surely It Will Be Different.
~I Went As Far As Gaining
Weight To Hide 30 Years Ago,
(And Now I’m Like, Aye, What
Did I Do?) ~ Sometimes I Say:
Why Couldn’t I Have Been Born
That Way, Then Their Would Be
No Issues Of Acceptance, (People
Are So Critical And Aggressive!)
~That Was A Very Honest Thing
To Say In Your Post, I Appreciate
Your Position, And Your Commit-
Ment, It Feels Good To Hear You…
~Thank You! : )
- February 5, 2019 at 4:52 pm #32156
~I Don’t Think That It’s As Easy
As Some People Are Saying That
It Is, Some Are More Flamboyant
Than Others, Which Leads Everyone
On A Bit, And So It’s No Real Surprise
When They Expose How They Had
Always Felt Internally More Outwardly…
I Envy Ones Who
Don’t Answer To
Others, And Can
Just Be Themselves!
- January 20, 2019 at 5:22 pm #31776Tami CParticipant
I can relate to the importance of remaining “comfortable as my guy self”. I am out to my older brother (I have three more younger plus a sister, Mom and Dad are passed) and a small handful of friends. Although for myself I have a slightly different perspective, it’s not so much important to me that I can still operate as a male as it is that I just am not ready for the world to know about Tami and THAT’S OKAY. That rascal fear. Someday soon, my compass is pointing due Tami! 🙂
Love to you
- January 20, 2019 at 1:35 pm #31772
- January 20, 2019 at 1:18 pm #31769https://transgenderheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-b14-2.jpgAnonymousInactive
Sounds to me like you are genderfluid, able to move along the spectrum freely. I don’t think you have to come out as male or female, but it might be good to be honest with people and tell them that you are both or can be either depending on how you feel in a moment.
- January 20, 2019 at 11:23 am #31762
The response has been 100% acceptance thus far, with some discomfort, but I have never dressed and just hung out with them.
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