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Hello everybody!
I’m fairly new to the transgender community. I knew that I wanted to be a girl since I was 12, but I only truly realized I’m trans at the age of 21, mainly due to beibg part of a very, very homophobic household. I kust want to introduce myself in this post, so I can finally feel like I belong somewhere. My name is Liza, I was born under the name “Tim”, and I’m currently 22 years old. I hope to get some tips and tricks on how to find happiness without being able to come out, due to my aforementioned insanely homophobic family.
Life sucks,
Liza
Hi Liza, I can’t tell you much in terms of my example. I was denying my true self for over 60 years until last July when I finally revealed what my hidden feelings were to my wife.
I know when I was your age, I couldn’t have come out to anyone, since back in the 70s it just wasn’t accepted at all. Plus, my parents were so conservative they didn’t like Billy Graham because he had celebrities on his crusade stages. So I do get where you are coming from. All I know is I was miserable for a lot of the last 45-50 years because I reached adulthood, as you have, and saw a life ahead that I didn’t want but felt powerless to change.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and my daughter and I’ve built a good life with them. But I’ve only been half alive and I wish I could have been fully present this whole time. I’m probably not making you feel much better with this reply so far, but your family may understand the difference between same-sex relationships and transgender issues. Just because you want to transition doesn’t (necessarily – I don’t know your heart here) make you a “homosexual” – their term I expect, not mine.
You are an adult, so they do not legfally have a right to withhold permission, but if you are dependent on them for your support, then it may be a difficult choice to face, for sure. One we shouldn’t have to make! Do you have any LGBTQ organizations where you live? Like Planned Parenthood, or PFlag, or a local support place? They can help with housing, employment sources,counseling, meds, and other things to help you.
Please do not misunderstand me – I’m not telling you to abruptly come out to your family or strike out on your own unprepared. I’m just suggesting some options for you to get information you can share with your family if, or when you do tell them about Liza. You are much braver than I was at your age! I couldn’t even write about what I felt or tell anyoine besides God, let alone seek out a support group like this. Of course, there was no Internet when I was your age (giggle).
Good luck, and keep us informed how you get on. Even if nothing changes, it’s helpful for us to get support from others in our situation.
Hugs,
Brielle
I also don’t know if this will come out right or help I knew that I was female inside from a very early age. And grew up in the South. In very deep rooted religion. With everything that was not normal being listed as, well you needed fixed. It was not a nice way to grow up. And I got caught a couple times, we won’t go into details but it was ugly. I tried to burying that deep inside. Which lead to adulthood, military and then marriage and children. And just this last summer I broke free and came out to my grown kids and friends etc. That was at 55 years old. I will turn 56 in a couple weeks. I so wish I could of come out before. And that it had been more acceptable. So much time lost. Please take time to carefully consider your options and your heart ❤. Trust your heart and your judgment, and please don’t let the gripping fear drive you away from YOU.
ShilohHi Liza, and welcome to TGH. I’m an older trans woman and a very private person with a few thoughts about this. I hope they help.
1) Transitioning and coming out are not sudden transformations – they are processes. You have already come out, here on TGH, which is a brave and self-affirming event. Take the time to acknowledge and revel in that. What you do next, and in the long run, is up to you. The important thing is that you now know who you are and can find peace and joy in that, no matter who you share it with. I think you will find that this thing cannot be stopped and that to try to stop it is to risk the pain and sadness and loneliness that so many of us have known in the past. You have to keep moving forward. But do it at your own pace. Be patient with yourself and love yourself along the way. There’s time.
2) Find support: among the loving and sympathetic women on this site who have been through everything you are going through and sometimes horrifically more; from anyone (relative, friend, or other) you feel you can trust; from counselors and support organizations as you feel safe to reach out to them. You are not alone!
3) Be safe, physically and emotionally. The world (and sadly, sometimes families) can be a dangerous place for people like us. You will make mistakes and sometimes get hurt, but it’s important not to take unnecessary risks.We are glad to have you here. Don’t hesitate to reach out to any of us when you have questions or just need to converse or to vent feelings. We see you.
Love, Jane
Hello Liza. Just discovering your trans is kinda like just discovering your alive. You have known it for a long time your just coming into acceptance of the reality. Ture fellings and true self are now showing up and its a confusing time. There are several ways to proceed. totaly accept and come out to everyone and let the chips fall where they may . OR stay in the shadows or the closet and dress and be femme when and where you can . Most of us have done this at some time n our lives. Some of us must come out a nd feel the total freedom. But the decision cannot be made by us for you YOU must make this decision on your own . We will be here to advise you and to tell you of our experiences but our lives are totally different from yours. Some times we have to calculate what we will loose by what we will gain. It tough but your not alone in your journey or your torment . Other had done and gone through the same feeling you are having .. WE stand ready to help if you want !!
Elaynecd1
Hey, Liza!
Welcome, and thank you so much for joining us here. I hope that you will feel safe and supported at TGH.
You have already received some words of wisdom from a couple of my personal “rockstars” above. I will personally offer my ear any time. I only wish that I could sound as savvy as my girlfriends above.
I’m only a few months younger than Brie. I too am transitioning here in a VERY small town in Alabama where I am a local physician. So, yes, there is terrible risk here for me. Fortunately, I have only my one life to live, and I am so happy knowing who I am, both on the inside and the outside of this body.
Please, please, please seek a competent counselor to help you sort all of this out. You will never regret that help. No one knows where your personal journey will take you. Having a professional assist you is absolutely invaluable and indispensable.
If you read many of my posts here, or on the CDH site, you will see me repeat a few pearls. One that I’ll drop here is: if you have no shame, you’ll have no fear! Knowing who Liza is, is absolutely essential to have no shame.
I will ask a favor of you. Please take some time to complete your profile. It will help us to know just a little more about you.
I truly wish that you will find the same peace and assistance here that I have experienced.
Again, welcome to a beautiful home here at TGH.
Hugs, Dee
Hi Liza. What a lovely name. I only just came out at the age of 61. That was back in September. Over the years before then I would recognize something about myself, something about wanting to be a girl or a woman based on my age. But I also knew on those occasions that was not possible, that I could never do that. It was unacceptable. And so I would just kind of smash it back down into the ground, forget about it until it eventually came up again maybe in a few months, maybe a couple of years, just whenever. But for the most part I managed to keep her – really myself in my place. It was, after all myself that I was stomping into the ground
<p style=”text-align: left;”>When I finally could not deny her any more and realized I was going to have to come out I had many worries. What would my wife think – would she stick with me? What would my kids think? What would my parents think (they were actually pretty cool once I told them – last – I never saw THAT coming😂)? What would all my friends think? So at first when I came out it was not to everyone. Just to my wife, children and sisters. I’ve already been living with my parents for quite some time on an as needed basis because they are very very old and simply cannot get along without help. But I really felt like there was no way I could tell them anything. So I had clothes and shoes hidden in boxes, suitcases, under the bed and anywhere else which I thought was safe. It was really quite something. You’d have never guessed just how much was packed into there! 😁 When I wanted to dress I would throw an outfit, some shoes, some knee highs, tights (I love tights – I have some wonderful tunics to go with them) or pantyhose and my makeup in a bag and head out somewhere with a parking lot and go to an area that had very few cars and there put on makeup and get dressed. Always with a wary eye out for cops.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Then I would go where I wanted to go which would be somewhere that nobody would ever know me. It would be a serious fluke if someone did. I took some risks. I would usually wear a dress to church on Sundays (still do) and then go to the mall where I would eat some lunch and shop. Usually the department stores, especially JCP. I was really wanting to learn to do better at make up so I went to Macy’s and found a nice girl behind one of the counters and explained who I was and that I wanted to learn a little something about make up because I wasn’t sure about how to apply it and could she help me a little. She helped me out with some foundation and showed me some lipstick and so on. I bought what she offered. I’m pretty good at the foundation. The lipstick is a work in progress but I’m getting better all the time. Mascara not bad but still a bit to cleanup around my eyes after applying. Eyeshadow not bad most of the time. By the way there are some wonderful makeup tutorials on YouTube. On a week previous I had gone to a perfume counter and found somebody very helpful and asked to check fragrances and again explained who I was and that was why I was looking for a fragrance and he also was very kind as if though it was nothing and I found a fragrance that I liked. That perhaps more than anything has made me feel like the girl I am.</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>All of which is to say, if you’re sneaky and careful all at the same time you can get out there and have a little time out in the wide open public as yourself. I will emphasize the word careful. Because it can all go south on you in a heartbeat. But I will reiterate what somebody else said – be careful out there. As you know there are LGBTQ-phobes and haters and some of them are not above inflicting harm. And we sort of have a double whammy. Because some will simply perceive us as women and you never know what kind of people they are. Could even be rapists. Some of them will see us and realize that we are male bodies under the dresses. They will say we’re men of course, but we know we are women. But that’s the perception and for most people perception is reality. So you have to be careful. I told a story here one time and I’m not gonna do the whole story but simply say that I was going to pull into a convenience store one evening and as I started to pull in I saw a couple of guys next to the door and they were shady enough looking for me that I had serious concerns. And when I considered the surroundings which weren’t the best and sparsely populated I just knew this was not a place for me to get out of the car and go into that store. Maybe in my previous life it probably would’ve been no big deal but I was not taking any chances now that I’m Abby. My counselor which, btw I agree you definitely need to get one said to me this is how it is being a woman. She’s a wonderful woman herself, works only with the transgender population and their s.o.’s. I love her dearly and her saying that made a difference for me. What she emphasized is that you’ve simply got to be continually aware of your surroundings. It kind of sucks sometimes but that’s just the way it is. Anyway, this was pretty close to stream of consciousness I think. Sorry. 😁 I would just like to say welcome and I wish you well and I hope the day comes when you can simply come out without reservations and embrace every aspect of womanhood.</p>
Abby❤️❤️🤗🤗🙆♀️
Lisa,
There is very little that I can add to what has been expressed already. All I can say is don’t waste your life, as many of us did. Be true to yourself. My name is Rikkie and I am 71+. I have always been a closeted crossdresser, when my wife of 48+ years died awhile back, I was freed to be me. I had come out to her on at least two occasions, but she was not a supporter of the life style … so I staid faithful to my wedding vows. I presently live full time as a female, take HRT, and occasionally go out as a female, but it was not till I discovered this site that things started to come together.It is with this in mind that I suggest that you decide on a course of action. When I was in my twenties, there was no way that I was coming out to anyone. As I got older and my options decreased, I became more aware of who I really was and am. All I can do is offer you the best in making your decisions, because only you can make them. Take the time to think things out and stay in touch with those who have offered you support, if not firm advice.
Love (and that becomes easier, too),
RikkieWelcome Liza,
I am a very mature transgender person. I use the term in the broad sense of a non-binary person. I have never had absolute clarity about my gender identity…only the very early sense that I was different, a long time apprehension that by giving in even a little, I might slide down that slippery slope and feel compelled to live full time as a woman. The conflicting interests and vaguely amorphous gender identity probably had some adverse impacts on my mental health…but I still seem to have managed a reasonably decent, if imperfect, life as a husband, parent, sibling and professional.
Dealing with family, conservative or not, can be challenging. A partner may be accepting or rejecting…regardless of other ideological positions. While too many people are intolerant in general and in particular, we can be surprised by who accepts up personally, even when they may seem deeply intolerant to gender variation in strangers. Sadly, the reverse can also be true.
I do think that you, as a younger adult, should allow yourself some room for self discovery and experimentation in how you choose to live…risky as that may sound. That process may help you clearly decide how much you are willing to risk and perhaps help uncover those in your life who have the capacity for acceptance.
Hi Liza,
They took away my satin lined sheet, my teddy bears, and made me stop sucking my thumb because they thought it would turn me gay.
If I had ever been caught dressing, I would have been punished.
They moved me around from year to year, they trained me in religious lies.
They removed me from music where I excelled, and put me into athletics where I was barely average.
My brother kicked us out of the family completely when we left the church. The rest of the family ditched us when we said black lives matter. They will never know about Crystal.
Anyway, my father is now dead and I have no relationship with my sociopathic mother.
Sorry, wish I had useful advice for you. But if you need documentation about the problems with the Bible, I have an enormous amount. Thousands of documented issues.
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