I’m new to this

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  • #91675
    Damian Callaghan
    Participant

    My name is Damian. I am 31, in law enforcement and recently identified as male. I am taking things slow because I don’t know what I’m going to do with my career and life. My family is religious and conservative so I haven’t told most of them yet, but I have a friend who know and support me, as well as one sister who already knows. I know little to nothing of this world, having been raised away from it and living away from it my entire adult life up until now. Any advice or suggestions are appreciated.

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    • #91816

      I am also new to this. I am just starting to ask “How far will this go?” I am beginning to realise that I don’t know what I want to identify as anymore but certainly not male.

      How far that extends into Female is yet to be seen but I’ve dreamed of being a girl for years (Since School days) and I am far more comfortable in women’s clothing than male.

      For the last few years, I have wanted my own boobs at the very least so that I can be who I am.

      Today, I looked in the mirror and a slightly nervous Catherine looked back. Then she smiled and I knew that it wasn’t a mistake. The more I think about what I want, the more I want Catherine to be here more.

      I know that my family and work colleagues are very likely to be supportive, but I want to fully explore if this is the journey I should take before I start to “Announce it to the world”.

      I have just lost my wife but as I’ve been her full-time carer for at least 6 years, however this has not stopped the dressing and has, if anything, suppressed what I might want over caring for my wife. I do miss her, and she would have shared this journey if her health had got better. For now, it just me & Catherine making our way in the world.

    • #91781

      My name is Damian. I am 31, in law enforcement and recently identified as male. I am taking things slow because I don’t know what I’m going to do with my career and life. My family is religious and conservative so I haven’t told most of them yet, but I have a friend who know and support me, as well as one sister who already knows. I know little to nothing of this world, having been raised away from it and living away from it my entire adult life up until now. Any advice or suggestions are appreciated.

      Hi Damian and welcome to Transgender Heaven. I am also 31 years old (I turn 32 next month) and identify as a male. I think I can relate to you as far as knowing hardly anything about the world and living away from it. I am very reclusive and withdrawn.

      Unlike you however, I do not have a job. I never worked before. Not in a real career like yourself. I worked a temp job in a mental facility. That’s it. I also can highly relate to you when you say that your family is very religious and conservative. Mine’s I think would have more of an understanding and acceptance of someone being gay than transgender.

      I just wanted to point out that you aren’t alone in this. I hope you find the support you’re looking for here, as I have found. Very nice folks here, as I am sure there are many more who can identify themselves with your situation too.

      Not to be negative but I sometimes find myself trying to reject my own transgender identity. Do you struggle with this too? I think it is a form of extremely internalized transphobia/homophobia that I have from being influenced too much by other people and religion in the past.

      I live with a very transphobic/homophobic brother that calls every thing he dislikes “gay” and says that people who identify as the gender opposite of their birth sex as being deceivers, that they are not who they say they are, and that they are actually their birth sex no matter what.

      I wish I could be comfortable with who and what I am, but I am not. I am a confused mess. I’m sorry to say this but I wish I was a normal, cisgendered woman. I hope you are firm in your identity as a man. I want to be also. Good luck on your journey.

       

      Phoenix

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      • #91788

        I find myself rejecting it sometimes too. I’ve lived as a woman denying the male side of me since I was a teenager, it’s hard to accept it. As a child, I was a total boy and my parents didn’t care how I was, but as I got older, I was treated badly for dressing like a guy and told I looked like a “dyke”. It gave me very low self esteem at the time. As I got away from home, I was more comfortable as myself but I still identified as a woman, just didn’t dress like one. Obviously I do not get many dates like this, but I am happier alone. Now I notice when I identify as a male, I am much happier. The only homophobic person in my family would be my father, and he is in his mid 70s, and he’s racist and every other stereotype of a late in life white man.

        May I suggest if you can afford it, talking to a therapist? I’m finding it very beneficial to me. I’m not using insurance and they’re online and affordable if you know where to look. My therapist is helping me get comfortable identifying as a male and easing into the life.

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        • #91810

          Yeah I was called names like “dyke” and called “gay” (although I identify more with a straight male, but those people were too ignorant to even consider such a thing). One very painful event happened to me in my preteen years when I visited a nursing home as part of a church program, and a resident said I looked like a boy in a dress. I mean at the time I tried to look female but even when I try I still look very masculine.

          A few years ago I lived as male as I possibly could with the limited resources I had at my disposal. Even then people gave me a sideways glance and I was very uncomfortable going to places where people knew my birth name and birth gender and thus would mistakenly refer to me in female pronouns even after revealing my preferred name and pronouns to them after months of knowing this.

          Yes I do believe I should see a therapist but I wonder if this would in any way interfere with me getting things done for my physical health. That’s what worries me. Right now it’s hard also due to the holiday season and the pandemic, even though this will be telehealth. I’m waiting to be called back by one place.

          I’ve only dated one person I met online before in my whole life in my early twenties when I presented myself as female. It felt so off, because I really wasn’t attracted to him at all. I think I really just wanted a friend. Anyways, it sounds like you’re on the right track, man. Feel free to PM me anytime.

          Phoenix

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    • #91753
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Similar to what gay people experience, it is a major hurdle when people realize that there is something different about them that is distinctly counter to what society expects them to be. Also, there is the potential upheaval to deal with concerning family, housing and employment to consider (speaking of adults here).

      I liken it a bit to the surprise of being hit with a pie in the face. It is a rude awakening and now it becomes a matter of what does it all mean and what should happen next. For many this is all accompanied with fear and anxiety because it is a matter of individual discovery and every situation is unique. There is no cookbook kind of approach.

      You are right to take things slowly. As my grandmother used to remind me: “Act in haste, repent at leisure.”. I think when we are dealing with major changes, time is needed to understand and internalize what is happening. That is not the work of a minute.

      I’m sure that there are many here who have faced similar situations to what you mention. Do draw upon that knowledge and experience.

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